Home is where the heart is
by ourheroregina
Summary: Season 2A. Regina is blamed for Archie's death, Henry hates her and there's no reason for her to stay in Storybrooke anymore. So she crosses the town line and loses all her memories. The only thing she remembers is her name.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello, guys! I am here with a new OQ fanfiction (I'm posting it for the second times because I deleted it the first time) ! Please, let me know what you think!Your opinion is really important to me!

Disclaimer: I don't own OUaT.

Summary: Season 2A. Regina is blamed for Archie's death, Henry hates her and there's no reason for her to stay in Storybrooke anymore. So she crosses the town line and loses all her memories. The only thing she remembers is her name.

It's a cold, dark and windy night and when the cloud of purple smoke disappears, Regina's whole body is shaking but it's not the cold weather which caused it, no, it's from crying. She has been crying for days now because she lost everyone she loved – first Daniel and now Henry (he's alive but he hates her).

She tugs the coat closer to her slim body and closes her eyes tightly as an annoying sob threatens to leave her mouth. Her lips are pressed tight together as she takes deep inhales through her nose until her breathing comes back to normal or what's normal to her during these hard days.

When the shaking of her body subsides, Regina opens her eyes. She needs to stay calm, she reminds herself, she came here with purpose and she cannot let an emotional stress to change her mind.

So with another inhale, she takes a step and then she's standing right in front of the town line. Just a few steps and everything will be over, a few steps and she'll finally get what she's always wanted – freedom.

She inhales again. Maybe it's not the best decision? Maybe she doesn't need to leave the town? Maybe she still has a chance? On the other hand, she has no reason to stay here. She doesn't want that chance because Henry, the only one who is important to her, hates her now and even if he'll let her be close to him, he'll never forgive her completely.

And right now it will be really hard to change Henry's mind because her son thinks that she killed that damned cricket.

But she didn't kill Archie (of course, she would like to do it but she was trying to change for Henry), she can swear on her life. But who would believe the Evil Queen?

She's not the Evil Queen anymore, she's trying to change - well, was trying to change, she's not trying anymore – but they don't believe her and it's okay because she knows that people will never change their opinion about her. She has done too much to be forgiven so easily.

She shakes her head to herself, her thoughts are hurting her, killing her from the inside. That's why she needs to step through the town line and forget everything. If she doesn't do it, she'll die from pain in her heart or worse, lose her mind.

Usually Regina's a strong woman but it seems she's reached the breaking point. She cannot take it anymore.

She opens her eyes – she didn't realize she'd closed them – and takes a few deeps breaths before taking another step. A shiver runs down her spine when only an inch separates her and the town line. She knows what will happen once she's behind the town line but missing memories aren't the scariest things to her, it's magic absence. She has lived with magic for decades, it was her everything and now she's leaving it behind, she's leaving everything behind because it's better to be without magic and no memory of herself than to see the person she loves the most hate her.

And then suddenly a sob escapes her lips, she feels her already broken heart breaking one more time, and she cannot take it anymore, she's dying from it, from this mental pain, so she takes that one needed step so she doesn't need to think anymore, so it doesn't hurt anymore.

She's finally free.

(...)

She's awake, has been awake for hours now but she hasn't opened her eyes yet, she's afraid to do so, she's so damn afraid to open her eyes because once her eyes are opened, everything will become real. And reality means the absence of memories will become the truth.

And it scares her so much because all she knows is her name. And she has been awake for hours, she has been trying to remember something, anything, but then only thing in her head is her name – Regina Mills. Nothing more, nothing less.

But she knows that she cannot be like this forever, she cannot stay with closed eyes for hours. It wouldn't change a thing, anyway, because if she hasn't remembered anything during those hours, she won't remember it now. Oh, and also she really needs to use a bathroom.

So with a deep breath in, she finally opens her eyes. But once the light reaches her eyes, she closes them again – the light is blinding and it makes her head throb even more. She takes a deep breath, encouraging herself and her eyes open again, close and open until they finally get used to the light and she can see what's around her.

She slowly sits up , everything spins for a moment but she grips the blanket, fists it trying to keep the balance until the spinning stops, and then everything is clear and not moving, she slowly looks around the room: the walls and ceiling of the room are white, a huge window is right in front of her but she doesn't concentrate on it, doesn't care what's happening out of the window right now. First of all, she needs to understand where she is and who she is.

It's an unknown room to her.

Regina takes a long, deep breath, panicking won't change a thing, it won't bring her memories, she reminds herself, and turns her head to the side. There are three more empty beds in the room, all of their bedding are the same.

She's in the hospital.

She has no memory of herself but she's one hundred percent sure she's in the hospital.

Her eyes close on their own as her thoughts go crazy again. She lets her headache kill her for a moment as she tries to remember something, anything. But it's useless, her head is empty. She remembers names of things, activities and all the other stuff but she doesn't remember a single thing about herself.

How is it even possible?

Suddenly she hears a swish and her eyes open instantly, wide and searching for the cause of the sound. She looks around the room quickly, it increases her headache but it doesn't stop her and then she finds a man sitting at the corner of the room, on a brown leather couch. He looks worried but she can see a small smile on his face.

"You're finally awake," The man states quietly.

Although his voice is gentle, it makes her headache a little bit worse. But she cannot think about headache right now, at first she needs to find out who he is and who she is.

"Who are you?" She asks with an inhale, her voice shaking just a little bit. The man looks at her with no emotion on his face and she waits quietly for his reply, maybe he's thinking, maybe he tries to find a way to explain everything to her, but after a few moments the silence surrounds them and it's not one of those comfortable silence, so she asks again, "Are you my husband? "

"No," This time the answer is instant, he doesn't hesitate.

She groans, falls back on the bed and closes her eyes for a moment, exhaling. This is so bad. This whole situation is such a mess. Does she have a husband? What' if she has a child? How old is she? Who is she? Does she have a job? Where is she from?

She has so many questions that need to be answered as soon as possible and deep down she hopes that this man sitting in front of her will be able to answer them – he has to know her, he wouldn't be here if he didn't . Otherwise, she may go crazy.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, there are tears in her eyes. But she squeezes her eyes and inhales, exhales and inhales again, trying to calm herself down, to keep herself together. She will not do it. She will not cry. She needs to be calm and try to remember who she is.

She's pulled out of her thoughts when she hears the man moving and when she opens her eyes and sits up again, she finds him walking out of the room. She feels dumbfounded – why did he leave without saying anything? – but then, before she can do something, he's back with another man( a doctor, she thinks) behind him.

"Hello, how are you feeling?" The man in white, the doctor, walks closer to her, takes her hand and gives it a light squeeze. "I'm Dr Drew." He says kindly, as if she's a child.

"I'm confused and tired," She answers without missing a beat and the doctor nods his head. He then takes a light out of his hospital gown and lights her eyes, checks her pulse and does all the other stuff while she lies there and stares at the other man standing at the end of her bed.

Who is he? Does she know him?

"Do you remember anything?" The doctor asks suddenly making her look away from the mysterious man to him and it makes her headache a little bit worse when it was a few moments ago.

"I know my name," She says, "I'm Regina Mills, but that's all,"

"Okay, that's good, very good, actually. We're going to run some tests tomorrow but now you need rest. We'll try to find your family as well." He assures her and Regina sighs, that's good. Of course, hospital is going to find her family and then everything will be so much easier. "If you need something, just press the red button."

When Regina nods her head, doctor smiles, tells her to stay as calm as possible, assures her that everything's going to be fine and then turns around, mouths something to that mysterious man and walks out of the room.

Regina groans and closes her eyes, trying to stop her thoughts (her headache is killing her) but her quiet, peaceful moment is ruined when she hears steps. Her eyes open widely as she looks at the man and tries to find that red button which doctor talked about in case this man tries to do something to her.

But he doesn't look like he's up to something because he pulls a chair, puts it beside her bed and sits down on it, smiles. He should be aware of her reaction because after a beat he says, "You don't have to be afraid of me,"

"Why?" She asks. Her voice sounds strong and confident, it surprises her a bit. She should've been a very strong woman in the past, she thinks.

"Because we're in the middle of the hospital," He replies simply and looks at her for a moment but then his eyes leave her and travel somewhere else. She tries to follow his gaze and looks there as well and her eyes catch a drip which is half-empty. How hasn't she seen it before?

She groans. Suddenly Regina understands why she isn't stressing out or having a panic attack. They've drugged her. And maybe she shouldn't be happy about it, but she is. She's so happy that she's this calm, she has time to think with a clearer head.

"My name is Robin. Robin Lockley," She hears the man saying and she moves her gaze from the drip to him. He's smiling again, a small, unsure smile but it's there.

"I'm Regina…" She replies but then shakes her head, he probably knows her name already. He knows her – she hopes – and he can answer all of her questions. "Do you know me?" She asks then but the man shakes his head.

Her eyes widen in response – what is he doing here if he doesn't know her? – and she tries to breathe, she tries to take deep, calm breaths but tears are already filling her eyes. She feels so disappointed, so damn disappointed.

But she will not cry.

"What are you doing here, then?" She asks, blinking for a few times until tears disappear from her eyes.

"Well, I found you and brought you here. I thought it would be nice to stay and make sure you're okay," He shrugs and she frowns a bit. He found her? Found her where? Was she alone?

But she doesn't say anything, she just sighs and lets her thoughts run again. Sadness is filling her heart, any chances to know who she really disappeared, no one will help her to put the missing pieces together, but she stays calm, not even a single tear runs down her cheek (she thanks drugs for it).

"Can you tell me more about how you found me?" She asks, trying to keep her breathing under control.

He nods his head, inhales and tells her, "I found you in the forest, I have no idea what you were doing there. Your clothes were dirty, you were crying, kept shouting that you don't remember who you are and you don't understand what's happening to you and then you passed out,"

"Seems like a great story," She puts her hands on her face and closes her eyes again, inhaling, exhaling and inhaling again. It's such a mess. She needs to find out the truth. She needs to know who she really is. She will go insane.

But she stops her train of thoughts, presses her lips together, inhales through her nose and opens her eyes again. Robin is looking at her with a frown but she manages to smile, a small thing but it's something, and says, "Thank you for saving me,"

"You don't need to thank me," He assures her, smiling. His eyes meet hers, and they stare into each other's eyes without saying a single word. But then the man is shaking his head to himself, he moves his gaze away and says, "Well, now when I'm sure you're okay, I should probably go home,"

The man – Robin, his name is Robin, Regina reminds herself – gives her a small smile and then he stands up. For a moment Regina feels a little bit sad, he's a stranger, she knows, but it's better to be with a complete stranger than to be left alone with her thoughts. But she also knows that he cannot stay here forever.

But somehow it feels inappropriate to let him go just like that, he saved her life, after all, so she inhales and before he can reach the handle of the door, she says, "Thank you, Robin,"

His hand drops and he slowly turns around. "You said it already," He states with a small smile on his face.

"I really appreciate what you did," She admits, her gaze drops down to her hand, suddenly she feels so insecure. If it wasn't him, no one knows where she would be now.

"Well, you're welcome, then." He smiles at her one more time. "And I really hope you get your memory back soon." He adds but then before she has to a chance to look up at him again, he's already out of the room.

As soon as the door is closed behind him, Regina falls back on the bed and puts her hands on her face, groaning in desperation. She has no memory of herself, she has no memory of her life. Her head is throbbing and she's so damn tired but she needs to figure out at least one thing before she's falling asleep again.

What is she going to do now?

(...)

Thoughts? Should I continue it or not?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello, guys! First of all, I wanted to say a huge thank you to every single one of you who has read this fanfiction! The reviews made me smile like an idiot! Really! I was very surprised by your positive reviews!

Second, I am so sorry it took me so long to update the second chapter! But I promise that the other chapter will be updated sooner (if you still want to read more, of course)!

Please, let me know what you think about this chapter! Your opinion means a lot to me!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUaT.

-/-

She's standing in front of a small mirror in the hospital's bathroom, watching her reflection. She studies every feature of her face, observes every little detail (her eyes don't miss the scar on her upper lip, she spends the most time on it because it should have a story, a story she should remember, but doesn't). This woman in front of her is unknown to her, she doesn't recognize her and it's driving her insane.

Her eyes close as tightly as possible as she forces herself to think. To remember.

But seconds pass by and memories don't come back.

Frustrated she shakes her head to herself and opens her eyes. It's useless. She won't remember anything, it doesn't matter if her eyes are closed or opened. And as if it wasn't enough already that she lost her memory, it turned out that no one believes that. Doctors have done many tests but none of them showed any damage in her brain. On top of that, hospital couldn't find her family. They say that Regina Mills doesn't exist, they say that her fingerprints don't have an equivalent. They think she's lying. So they released her from the hospital, telling her that there's no reason to stay in the hospital if she's fine.

Oh well.

Blinking her eyes for a few times Regina forces herself to come back to reality – she has spent too much time thinking about everything already - forces herself to concentrate on the reflection in front of her instead of her thoughts. She may go insane if she doesn't stop thinking.

She looks at herself one last time, looks at the dark eyes which tell her nothing. A sigh of desperation escapes her as she turns around on her heel and walks out of the bathroom.

She takes the securities of release from the bed that it's already made, looks around the room one more time and walks out of it.

There's no reason to be here anymore.

She doesn't know what she's going to do now – she doesn't remember anything, she doesn't have money or a phone number to call someone who could know her. She has nothing.

But she cannot stay here either.

It takes all of the courage she has to walk out of the hospital. And once she's outside, she regrets the move immediately. There are huge buildings and many people and streets and cars and the sound is loud, too loud for her liking. Her headache has been pretty bad before and these noises are not helping at all.

She forces herself to breathe, to inhale and exhale, to stay calm (she's just a step away from having a panic attack). But how is she supposed to stay calm when she's going to spend the night (or nights) in one of these streets that are cold and full of danger?

It takes a few minutes or so but then she finally manages to calm herself a little bit, her breathing is back to normal – or what is normal for her these days - and sighing she plunges into a crowd of people.

(…)

This is madness.

Regina has been walking for hours now, round and around until she got lost between narrow streets, full of busy people. She finds herself standing in the middle of the sidewalk, looking around and trying so hard to remember the way she came here but she was too lost in her thoughts.

She turns around, scans the building and streets but it doesn't help. There are many signs with street names but that doesn't tell her anything at all.

She's lost.

As if the memory lost wasn't enough…

"Regina!"

Suddenly a voice calls her, making Regina's eyes widen in surprise. Someone recognized her!

She looks over her shoulder immediately, a huge smile spreading across her face as a sigh of relief escapes her. Finally someone found her. Thank God. She's going to be freed from this insanity.

Her name is called again making her immediately turn around. A smile spreads across her face as she tilts her head up, steps on her toes so she can see better with all these people passing by.

And then something very unexpected happens, making Regina freeze in her spot.

Her eyes catch a middle age woman with long blonde hair shouting that name again, but that's not _her_ who's being called. It's a little girl who's running towards the woman right now and the woman repeats the name, making the girl look down as if she's being scolded.

Unwanted tears pool into Regina's eyes as she turns around on her heel. For a moment she thought that everything was going to be fine, that this hell is going to end. She thought that she's going to be found and saved but turns out that she was wrong, very wrong.

Regina doesn't let even a single tears fall down her cheek. She blinks her eyes as quickly as possible, gritting her teeth in anger and desperation. She was so stupid. No one will find her. No one is searching for her. No one needs her.

She doesn't dwell on these depressing thoughts for too long. With a deep inhale she shuts her thoughts out and walks, walks and walks.

(…)

It's cold outside, the wind is high, the sun is nowhere to be seen. It's getting dark already, streets become emptier with every passing minute. And Regina is shaking. The coat she's wearing is thin, not suitable for this kind of weather but does she have a choice?

It would be time to stop wandering around the unknown streets and find a place to stay but she doubts that she could do it without money. The only place left for her to sleep is the street.

But sleeping in a street doesn't tempt her at all.

She decides that while the shops and cafeterias are still opened she should go there to warm up a bit. It wouldn't do damage to anyone, and she really needs to sit down – her legs are already failing her.

So she chooses the first cafeteria in the way and without a doubt enters it.

As soon as the door is closed behind her, she lets out a breath which comes like a smoke. It's cozy, warm and quiet inside, there aren't too many people. It's a good place to stay for a while.

She goes to the corner of the café, sits down on a comfortable chair almost moaning in relief – she has been walking all day, has been dreaming about this moment for hours – and leans back against the hard backrest. Her eyes close on their own accord almost immediately as her body relaxes a bit for the first time that day.

She's tired, so tired, she cannot open her eyes. But despite that, her thoughts are still running wild, and all she wants to do is cry. And sleep.

When she's not walking, not moving, her thoughts are torturing her again. She tries to shut them out for a minute at least, because it's making her sick but it doesn't work. She thinks, thinks and thinks and then thinks a little bit more.

She wonders what she has done to deserve this.

"Regina?"

There's a voice from far away calling her name that snaps her out of her thoughts - she wonders if someone really just called her name or it's her imagination – and she cannot help that small sad smile forming on her lips.

"Regina?"

That wasn't her imagination. The name is called again but she doesn't open her eyes to look at the 'caller'. She doesn't lift her hopes up this time. It's obvious that it's not her who's being called. She will not let herself be fooled again.

She lets her thoughts take her away again but before she can start over-thinking everything again, someone touches her hand. The action makes her jump in the chair, eyes opening widely in panic as she gasps for air. That was completely unexpected.

That someone's hand is moved away from her instantly and he's saying something, something she cannot make out, because something is screaming inside her head and her eyes are looking around, for a moment she cannot see anything, cannot focus on anything. All she can feel is her beating heart which is ready to jump out of her chest.

Regina's hand falls on her chest, over her heart, as she collapses in the chair, letting her eyes close. The screaming in her head is no longer that loud and she tells herself to calm down. She's fine. Everything is fine. There's no reason to react like this.

"I'm so sorry, Regina," She hears the voice say but she refuses to open her eyes. She's embarrassed. Still recovering from the shock and embarrassed.

It takes her a moment until she finally calms down. When her breathing is back under control, she lets her hand fall away from her chest. Then she straightens in the chair, and with an inhale she dares to open her eyes and look up at the person standing right in front of her.

Her jaw drops open as she blinks repeatedly not believing her eyes. "Robin?" She asks surprised as she finds a light-headed, blue-eyed man standing in front of her. His name is Robin, right?

"I'm sorry that I scared you," He apologizes and yes, his name is Robin. That day when they met she was in too much stress, she wasn't actually listening to him but she remembers his name. He's Robin, the man who found her in the woods.

She looks at him one more time before turning her gaze down to her hands as she starts playing with her fingers nervously. "I'm sorry that I made a scene, I just didn't expect anyone to recognize me," She says quietly. Her cheeks are burning, it makes her feel embarrassed even more.

Robin exhales in response, and Regina glances up at him to find him looking at her with worried expression on his face. Unexpectedly their eyes meet for a moment but Regina quickly looks away, still feeling uncomfortable for the way she reacted.

"What are you doing here?" He breaks the silence, thankfully, because Regina wasn't going to say anything.

"I would like to ask you the same,"

She looks up at him again. He's smiling at her, his blue eyes shining with light, the worried frown gone from his face. She starts analyzing his features – she always analyzes everything these days, hopes that it will help to remember – but then he clears his throat, puts two mugs she hasn't seen him holding on the table in front of her. The smell makes her inhale deeply and she is one percent sure that's coffee.

It amazes her, how she's able to recognize the smell of a drink – which is not important at all – but not remember something that could actually help her.

Robin pulls a chair and sits down in front of her. She straightens a little in her chair as he looks around the cafeteria before turning to her with eyes full of curiosity.

"I live not far away from here," He finally decides to answer the question Regina almost forgot has been asked. "I come here every evening after work to buy the most delicious coffee in the whole town," He pushes one of the mugs to her direction, "You should try it."

She knows she shouldn't take it, she has no money to repay him but she has been thirsty for hours. Instead of blaming herself, she thanks him and takes the mug. A smile spreads across her face when she wraps her hand around it and finds it hot.

"Now tell me what you are doing here."

Regina doesn't think much before answering. She just shrugs her shoulder and confesses, "I came here to warm up."

The response makes him frown and then once again he's looking around, his eyes searching for something or someone and she cannot help but wonder if he's up for something. After all, she doesn't know him and doesn't know what his plans are.

"Do you remember anything?" He turns back at her and asks.

"I do remember who you are," She answers immediately making Robin chuckle. Good, she needed to ease a mood a bit. "But no, I didn't get my memory back."

"Are you here alone?" He sounds confused and finally Regina understands why he has been looking around so much. He tried to figure with who she's here. She nods her head then, making his eyes widen in surprise. "Are you telling me that you are all alone in unknown city with no memory?" And she nods. Again. "Regina, where are you going to stay? Oh God, tell me how did they let you leave the hospital in this condition? Have you run away?"

"You shouldn't be worried about me." She tells him and takes a sip of the coffee he gave her. The taste is amazing, it may be really the best coffee in the town, but it doesn't help her hungry stomach that is ready to growl. She puts her head over it trying to silence the sound so Robin doesn't hear it.

Unfortunately she's unsuccessful.

"Have you eaten anything?"

"It's not your concern, Robin," She says, trying to stay calm though she's getting nervous. "I'm not a kid, okay? I can take care of myself. You should just go home to your family and leave me alone."

"I will not leave you here," He announces, making Regina tense and look at him with wide eyes."You could stay at my place," He offers quickly and the shake of her head is immediate response. She doesn't want to make problems for him. After all what would his wife think (he hasn't told her that he's married but she supposes he is, he's wearing a ring on his right hand ring finger, and she knows that it's a marriage ring. Damn, she doesn't remember a thing about herself but she knows these things. How is it even possible?).

"Thank you, Robin, but I cannot accept that." She answers calmly, still looking into his deep blue eyes.

He stretches his hand over the table to take her hand then and though unwillingly, she lets him. "I will not let you sleep in a street," He states, giving her a light squeeze. His voice is strong, but not threatening. It's obvious that it will be really difficult to change his mind.

She's tired, so tired, she can barely keep her eyes open – even caffeine doesn't help – and her legs hurt, the thought of walking makes her hiss. She doesn't have strength to fight with him. But she doesn't want to be a problem too.

Before she has time to voice her protest, Robin lets go of her hand and stands up. "Come on, I see that you're tired," He says, making her sigh. She hasn't agreed yet, he's just a stranger, after all, a stranger who saved her once, and maybe she should trust him. He hasn't done her any damage before, why should he do it now?

"Let's go," She hears him saying, and finally she nods her head, puts her hand in his and stands up. He flashes her a smile, squeezes her hand gently before walking her out of the cafeteria.

The weather is chilly outside and Regina cannot help a shiver that runs down her spine. Of course, it doesn't go unnoticed by Robin and before she knows it, one of his arms is wrapped around her shoulder, rubbing her arm and telling her that his home is not far away from here.

(…)

Henry unlocks the door of the huge mansion with a spare key which his mom keeps hidden among the grass around her favorite apple tree. He has never used this key before, he always has his own and his mother is usually at home anyway but now the situation is completely different.

When he left the mansion with Emma a few days ago, he hadn't had a thought that he would be coming back here ever again. But now when everyone knows that Archie is alive, that it was Cora, his mom's mother who kidnapped him everything has changed.

He wants to apologize.

But his mother isn't at home. And there have been rumors that the Queen has disappeared, that something happened and he didn't think about it much, didn't bother about the woman who did so many bad things to him. But now his heart is beating like crazy as he turns the key and finally the door is unlocked.

He pushes the door open and steps inside, looking around. She has to be somewhere.

Henry walks around the house, looks in every single room of the mansion until he finally enters the room which once upon a time belonged to him (one week ago, to be correct). As soon as he enters his room, his eyes catch a piece of paper placed on the bed.

It doesn't take a moment until the note is in his shaking hands and he's unwrapping it. It's his mom's handwriting. It's a message from Regina.

There are written six words. Six words which change Henry's world forever.

 _"_ _I will always love you, Henry."_

-/-

 ** _Thoughts?_**


	3. Chapter 3

Hello, guys!

I cannot find the right words to tell you how happy I am to see that you like this fanfiction! Every follow, fav and review made me smile like an idiot! Seriously, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

I'd like to answer some questions because I still am not sure how to use this thing and if it's possible to answer reviews(is it possible?). Stupid me.

Some of you asked, if Robin knows who Regina really is. No, he doesn't know her.

About Cora, well, I am not sure if I'll add Cora to the mix... And also, I cannot tell you if Robin is from the Land without magic or Enchanted Forest because I have two ideas in my head and I still don't know which one of them I'm going to follow.

That's all from me.

Hope you still like this fic!

(...)

Robin wasn't lying, his home isn't far away from the café – it took only a few minutes to reach his apartment. Even though the walk wasn't long, it wasn't very comfortable: there were a lot of awkward silence between them and Robin was the one to break it, thankfully. Regina didn't know what to say, or what to ask, she was too tired to think about anything and that arm that Robin wrapped around her shoulder didn't help her to concentrate at all (it was an innocent touch but it made Regina feel _something_ ). The only thing in her head was that she's not going to stay in the street, that's the best thing that's ever happened to her.

"We're here," Robin announces, snapping Regina out of her thoughts. She looks around until she realizes that they reached the third floor of the building and, as Robin said a few moments before, he lives here.

Regina doesn't feel when she lets out a sigh of relief – her legs have been killing her the whole time, and she cannot help but feel relieved that she won't need to walk or climb the stairs anymore.

When Robin opens the door without unlocking it (yes, she knows that the door needs to be unlocked, the only question is how does she know that?), Regina cannot help but feel lump in her throat. He's not living alone. She was right. That ring on his finger was a marriage ring and now his wife is going to get angry because he brought home a mysterious woman who claims to have no idea who she is.

"Regina?" He calls her name, touching her arm gently, making her eyes widen in surprise. She blinks for a few times and looks at him. He's smiling at her, holds the door opened widely so she can come in. But she doesn't want to.

She doesn't want to make problems.

"Is something wrong?" He asks when she stays motionless for too long. He looks confused: his face is turned into a frown now which makes Regina feel even worse. _She's already making problems._

She blinks rapidly and looks away from him, unsure. There's still time to change her mind and save him and herself from a problem of misunderstanding because his wife could get this all wrong. After all, it's not okay to bring a random woman to your home.

When she gathers enough courage to look at Robin again, she finds him smiling at her. A smile, which reassures her that everything is fine, is small but sincere, and he's so patient with her, no other would be willing to help her and wait until she makes up her messy mind. She decides that he knows what he's going, and taking a deep breath, she tells herself to calm down and walks into the apartment.

Robin's apartment isn't very large. From the place in the hallway where she's standing, Regina can see the whole apartment – it has just a small living room and a kitchen with two more rooms. The place is light – the walls are painted white and blue with some ornaments she cannot make out since the light in the apartment is very low, the furniture is dark but in general the apartment looks cozy.

Her quick exploration is interrupted by the steps from one of the room. She tenses immediately, looking around with wide eyes because she doesn't know what's going to happen now – Robin's wife is going to be so mad… If Robin wouldn't have closed the door behind them, she would be running out of the apartment by now.

But it's not Robin's wife who walks out of the room. Not even a female.

It's a man with a baby in his arms.

Regina cannot deny that she's surprised.

"Where the hell have you been? The man whispers, but his voice is hard and angry. His gaze stays focused on the baby who's crying in his arms as he rocks back and forth.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Robin says, shifting behind Regina. He takes off his jacket and shoes while Regina stands there as if paralyzed. "Make yourself at home," Robin puts his hand on her shoulder and squeezes lightly, smiling.

The man with the baby looks up and frowns when he sees Regina. His glare pierces through her from head to toes and she feels uncomfortable. She pulls the coat she's been wearing tighter around her (it's not cold in the apartment, but his gaze makes her feel _bad_ ) and the man narrows his eyes at her.

"Who's this?" He spits, tilting his head towards her as if she's a who-

"Behave," Robin growls back at man, and unconsciously Regina takes a step back. She doesn't like to be here. She needs to get out of here.

Robin's reaction is quick: he turns before she can open the door and escape his apartment. His eyes are wide and concerned, and he shouldn't be concerned about her but he is.

He takes a step towards her, so he's standing close enough to take her hand in his. "You have to excuse my friend, he's a savage," Robin tells her, and she knows what he's doing. He's trying to calm her down, he must have sensed how tensed the whole situation made her.

Regina shakes her head at him, she wants to tell him that it's better if she leaves but before she has time to open her mouth, Robin is talking again.

"Here, let me take your coat."

"No, I should go," She finds her voice, which sounds very shaky and small. She doesn't like that.

"And where will you go?" He asks with an arched eyebrow and she knows that he has a point but she feels too uncomfortable to stay here. That man, Robin's friend, is still glaring at her, making her feel very... There's no word to describe how he makes her feel. "Regina, we've talked about this. You are going to stay here for the night." He tells her calmly and gives her that smile which makes her give up.

She exhales, and finally takes off her coat and gives it to Robin, then takes off her shoes and when she's ready, Robin gestures for her to walk further into the apartment. She goes, unwillingly, but goes anyway (suddenly she doesn't trust him anymore, or maybe it's his friend who she doesn't trust).

Once in the living room, Robin's friend sits down on the leather armchair, making Regina tense again. She doesn't know the reason why that man is looking at her like that, but it's obvious that he doesn't like her. And Robin isn't unobservant, he glares at his friend and opens his mouth to say something to him but then the baby lets out a cry and all the words Robin was going to say are forgotten.

Robin quickly walks to the man and takes the baby from his arms. His back is turned to Regina but she's quite sure that he's smiling. He rocks the baby back and forth, murmuring something until the cries go quieter and quieter. "There's no need to make a show, Roland, daddy's home." Robin says to the baby, making Regina's eyes widen.

Robin is the baby's father.

Oh God.

He hasn't told her he has a son.

Damn it.

He hasn't told her anything. He could be a serial killer and she wouldn't know.

She's speechless.

It takes a moment or two until Regina snaps out of the state of shock but when she finally does, she finds Robin standing right beside her, humming a lullaby to his baby. His voice is sweet and soothing, and the child in his arms is calmer now, just whimpering from time to time.

Her eyes follow every movement of the two of them, one second she's looking at Robin, the other at his son and slowly the baby's eyes close and don't open again. Robin sighs and stops singing but as soon as he shuts his mouth, Roland isn't sleeping anymore, his eyes are opened widely as he lets out a loud cry.

Robin exhales in desperation, as he starts rocking the baby again.

The friend who's sitting on the armchair groans too, shaking his head at Robin. He stands up then and glares at Regina one more time, making her feel uncomfortable again – what is wrong this time? – and walks to Robin, says something that she cannot hear.

"Let me calm him down and then we'll talk," Robin replies, looking with annoyed glare to his friend. His words are loud enough for Regina to hear, and she shifts in her seat nervously, she doesn't like loud noises, she knows that much already, and starts playing with her fingers while Robin and the friend argue about something.

They need to talk alone, it's obvious – they are both whispering shouts, both are wearing annoyed expressions on their faces – but the crying baby and Regina are there. She felt bad enough before but now she's feeling even worse.

It was the worst decision to come here.

She realizes that Robin's friend is worse than a wife could ever be.

And she needs to do something to make this uncomfortable argument between the two of them stop.

"I can hold your baby while you two talk," She says quietly making both men stop talking and turn to look at her. The unknown man glares at her again but she looks away from him, doesn't linger on his piercing gaze and turns to Robin who looks at her amazed.

He nods his head with a smile and frowns when the friend murmurs something under his nose, something Regina cannot hear. Robin walks over to her, tells her to sit comfortably and instructs how to hold her hands. She does as she is told and in a moment the baby is placed into her arms.

It's a strange feeling to hold a baby in her arms. It makes her heart beat faster and faster and unknown warmth spread through her body.

When Robin makes sure that the baby is comfortable, he pulls away. Regina inhales deeply as she looks down at the boy and finds him looking right back at her with wide eyes. He's no longer crying but still whimpering.

She cannot help the smile that forms on her face as she says, "Hello, Roland."

She shifts a little, adjusting him in her arms and that strange but familiar feeling is back. She feels as if she's done it before. Her heart clenches at the thought: if she really has children, it means that now they are left without a mother.

Unexpected tears fill her eyes but she doesn't let them fall. Blinking quickly she pushes all sad thoughts away and looks down at the baby again. He's still watching her, brown eyes still opened widely and just when she starts moving from side to side slowly, the movement minimal, barely felt, the baby's eyes become sleepy.

"If you need something, just call my name, okay?" Robin says, making Regina look up from Roland and nod. "I won't take long," He promises before leaning looking down to kiss his now almost sleeping son's forehead. He then turns around quickly, says something to his friend who groans again but says nothing, just follows Robin out of the room, leaving Regina and the baby alone.

A sigh of relief escapes her as she can no longer see that man.

She rocks herself back and forth, back and forth, and after a few minutes Roland falls asleep, still whimpering but his eyes are closed, and she's sure that it won't take long until he calms down completely. Since the room is quiet, she can clearly hear Robin and his friend arguing in the other room, can hear curses from Robin's friend. It makes her feel sick for it's her fault, after all. She knew it wasn't the smartest decision to come here, she was well aware of that from the very beginning but agreed anyway.

She's such an idiot.

Thankfully Roland calls her attention before she can torture herself for too long, letting out a sound that seems like a wail. Regina realizes that she's stopped rocking him, so she starts doing it again, slowly, humming some sort of a melody in order to shut the voices in her head. It seems to work, the baby is fast asleep in a moment but this time she doesn't stop – doesn't want to risk waking him up again.

"It's incredible," Robin's voice startles Regina, making her look up from the sleeping baby. He's standing in the doorway, and there's a small smile playing on his lips, he looks more relaxed. It looks like the argument between him and the friend is solved. "I don't remember the last time I saw him this calm in unknown person's arms." He tells her as he walks further into the room, sits on the armchair beside the couch.

Regina returns the smile but then looks down at the baby again.

"Regina, I'm sorry about John," He apologizes. He doesn't sound so relaxed anymore.

"It's okay, don't worry," She assures him but doesn't dare to lift her gaze and look at him – her eyes may betray her, because she's lying. That man made her feel very bad and it's not okay at all. She just hopes he won't show up again until she leaves. She doesn't want to linger on this uneasy subject, so she changes the topic completely by asking, "How old is Roland?"

"Four months old," Robin replies and, thankfully, his voice isn't tense anymore. Good.

"Where's his mother?" The question slips past her lips before she can stop it. She curses herself mentally and then quickly adds, "I'm asking just because I don't want make you any more problems. She could get this all wrong. I mean I'm an unknown woman and you're a man and-"

"You don't have to worry about that." He cuts off her rambling, and she looks up at him, confused. "Marian died after Roland was born," He explains and looks down at his hands. The atmosphere between them changed, again, and Regina cannot help but frown. Will she ever stop ruining everything?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," She whispers but Robin shakes his head, tells her it's okay. But it's not, and Regina wants to tell him that, wants to repeat that she's very sorry but instead she says nothing, decides that she's already made enough trouble for him.

She shifts, adjusting a sleeping Roland in her arms.

"Let me take him, then I'll show you around, okay?" Robin suggests, and thankfully he's back to old, relaxed self. Regina nods her head, sighing in relief. He's not mad at her. That's good.

He takes the baby from her, takes him to the other room that's supposed to be the bedroom. Regina stands up then, stretching her arms – she hasn't realized that holding a baby may make her arms ache – and walks to the window. Pulling the curtains away, she looks into the darkness, somewhere deep down hoping that she'll remember everything and tomorrow she'll be with her family.

"Ready for the tour?" Robin asks from behind her, making her tense. It was unexpected. But she relaxes immediately – it's Robin, the man who saved her, she really shouldn't be afraid of him because if he'd wanted to hurt her, he would have done it already.

She turns to look over her shoulder, smiles at him and nods her head. Robin takes her hand – the gesture surprises her – and leads her to the kitchen. He makes her tea and a sandwich, he doesn't have food at home, he apologizes sheepishly, but she assures him that it's fine, he has nothing to worry about.

The sandwich is amazing, she eats it too quickly, is a bit embarrassed by her rushed eating but she had nothing in her mouth the whole day, has been dreaming about a bit of anything for hours now.

When the cup is empty and the food is eaten, Robin shows her bathroom and his room. They don't linger there, don't want to risk waking Roland up. The other room is the last one, and it's hers for the night. The room is not large but it's just fine by her. It looks cozy – just like the rest of the apartment. There's a bed which is already made and she wonders who's sleeping here but doesn't dare to ask. It's not her business, after all.

Robin gives her his t-shirt as a nightgown and when she thanks him, he asks if she needs something else. She assures him that she's going to be just fine, all she wants to do is sleep. He grants her wish and lets her go to bed, leaving her alone.

She quickly changes from her clothes that are not very comfortable to sleep in to the t-shirt this man gave her and lies on the bed. Curling into a ball, she pulls a blanket over herself until the only visible part of her body is her head and then finally lets her eyes close.

It doesn't take a second until she falls asleep.

It's afternoon when Regina finally wakes up the next morning. She feels a little embarrassed that she slept that long but at least she's feeling better now – the headache is still there but not as bad as before, she still feels confused but her thoughts are calmer now – and she supposes that it's sleep that helped her.

She gets out of the bed, puts her clothes back on despite the fact that she would love to take a shower. But she decides that it's better to leave this apartment as soon as possible – Robin probably hasn't planned for her to say this long. So she quickly makes the bed and leaves the room.

As soon as the door is opened she's greeted by Robin's voice from the kitchen. The whole apartment is drowned in a very delicious smells, and Regina's stomach growls, but she reminds herself that she needs to go, she has no time to stay here, is not even sure if Robin wants her here.

She doesn't reply to him, instead she tip-toes to the hallway and finds her coat. She has a strange feeling that tells her to get out of here as soon as possible, and she listens to that feeling.

Robin's steps are heard, making her move faster. She quickly puts coat and shoes on and opens the door in order to run-

"Regina!"

Before she can leave the apartment, Robin is there, holding her by the wrist. His voice is surprised, maybe even panicked as he asks, "Where are you going?"

She doesn't listen, she just squirms, trying to get rid of his hold and run away but he's not letting her go. His hold is tight - but not too tight to hurt her– and there's no way she could escape him. She doesn't even know why she wants to leave him so bad.

Tears fill her eyes as she finally gives up, stops fighting and collapses into his embrace. She doesn't know what got over her, why she wanted to run so badly – after all he didn't make any damage to her, all he did was help her. He saved her in every way possible.

"Hey," Robin whispers, his arms tightening around her.

"I should go," She manages to say between sobs, closing her eyes tightly as more tears run down her cheeks.

"And where would you go?" He asks her, and he's not mocking her, he's sincerely asking. She doesn't answer; she just keeps crying and cursing herself for being such a stupid woman. "Regina, I know that things are messy in your head and that you're scared, but, please, listen to me, I don't want to cause you any damage. All I want to do is help you."

"And why would you do that?" She asks in a shaky voice, tears still running down her cheeks.

"I have my reasons," His voice is quiet, too quiet, and she realizes that there's something behind that " _I want to help you"_ thing. But when she pulls away from him and looks up, she finds him looking at her with those deep blue eyes that tell her that he could never hurt her.

"Please, stay."

She doesn't want to stay, she doesn't want to be a problem and she's so scared of everything but he's looking at her with sincerity in his eyes, he promises her that he'll help her to find her family, that he will keep her safe.

And safety is all she needs right now.

She lets out a sigh, a shaky one, and wipes away tears from her cheeks before saying, "Okay, I will stay."

(…)

"Kid, calm down," Emma says into the phone as she closes the door of Mary Margaret's apartment behind herself hurriedly, locking it as quickly as possible. "I don't understand what you're saying," She adds when all she can hear is Henry's sobs.

The boy has called her, mumbled something about Regina and then he started crying, sobbing and his words became not understandable.

Henry says something into the phone, but Emma still cannot understand what the hell it is, so she hangs up, curses Regina quietly and drives to her house as fast as she can.

It doesn't take five minutes and she's already in the house, running up the stairs to Henry's former room, a gun in her hand – in case Regina decides to do something. But the house is quiet, it's impossible that _that_ woman is here.

She's out of breath when she bursts into the room almost knocking the door down. She finds Henry laying in his bed, curled up into a ball and even though he's a crying mess, Emma sighs in relief. She has thought – was sure – that Regina's done something to him, something that could take him away from her forever. But he's not injured. He's fine.

"Henry?" Emma asks carefully, sitting on the edge of the bed. The child doesn't make a move, just keeps crying making her frown in confusion. She's never seen him like this before. "What's wrong, Henry?" She asks again, putting her hand on his shoulder as if to comfort him.

He doesn't reply for awhile, and she doesn't force him to talk, lets him cry because crying helps sometimes. She waits patiently until his sobs turn into quiet cries and then, even thought the tears are still streaming down his face, Henry sits up, looks at her and whispers shakily, "She's gone, Emma. Mom left us."

...

Thoughts?

Happy Easter to everyone who's celebrating! See you next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own characters.**

It's been two weeks since the day Regina decided to stay with Robin. The whole time she was full of hope: Robin promised that he wouldn't let her go until he found her family. She had no really reason to trust him, but she felt so relieved to hear these words, to know that perhaps someone cares about her.

Every single day she was feeling better and better, and in no time she was back to the old self (or what she thought was old self).

Unfortunately, her personal improvement is the only positive thing. The research of her family led them nowhere, there were no clues, no Mills in this world, no one who could be related to her. It seemed as if she is all alone in this wide world.

Robin refused to give up, he hired a search agent because he thought that a professional would find her family with no problem. Regina was thankful for this kind of gesture but she couldn't stop herself from feeling guilty – it's Robin's money they're wasting.

He assured her that it's not a problem, he's happy to help and if they wouldn't have developed some kind of a friendship during these two weeks, she would ask him not to do that because she cannot repair for this help. But Robin is a friend now, he proved her that she can trust him, she doesn't have to doubt him. And honestly, she doesn't know what she would do without him now.

As much as she values him and everything he's done for her, she knows that it's time to stop him. Despite everything, it feels wrong to let him search her family, to share his house with him and use his money for her needs. A week ago she really needed it, she wasn't capable of taking care of herself but now she's standing on her own feet. She's ready to face the world now.

It takes her another week to find courage and tell Robin what her plans are.

One evening, when Robin's son is already sleeping for the night and Robin is sitting on the couch in the living room with computer on his lap, Regina decides that it's time to bring up the thing about moving out.

She clears her throat to get his attention and when he looks away from his computer to her, she states, "I should find my own place to live, you know."

Robin's relaxed face turns into a frown as he looks at her like she's out of her mind. He puts the computer on the coffee table, gesturing for her to come closer (she's standing in the doorway), his eyes never leaving hers.

Regina sighs and obeys, walks up to him and sits down on the couch, watching him, waiting for him to say something.

"Did I do something to upset you?" He asks her, his eyes wide and sincere. Regina shakes her head immediately, murmuring a 'no'. He tilts his head a bit and asks again, "Then why do you want to leave? You can stay here for as long as you need. What's the point of renting an apartment when you won't need it in a few months? Regina, we will find your family and then you'll go home."

She cannot help but chuckle sadly. "You're such an optimist," She says, breaking their eye contact and looking down at her hands.

It's an impossible thing to do – to find her family. She knows that, feels it deep down, doesn't believe that she will be reunited with them. But sometimes, in the worst moments she tries to gain hope from Robin and his stupid optimism.

"Regina," He says softly, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry," She murmurs, shaking her head to herself, trying to shake off saddening thoughts. "Even if I'm going to stay with you for a little while longer, I still need to find a job." She changes the topic making Robin let out a sigh.

"You're so stubborn," He states, making Regina look up at him with an amused smile. "I told you many times that you don't need to worry about any of that. We will find your family soon."

"But in case this whole finding thing takes time…" She starts making Robin give her a disapproving look. But she cannot stop herself - she feels like an intruder although Robin made sure to show her that she's not making any problems to him – and continues, "In case my family won't be find in a week, I need to find a real job. As much as I appreciate your help, I cannot live out of your money."

Robin exhales and for a brief moment he looks deep in thoughts. Regina shifts a little bit, waiting for his reply. She chooses to use that time and study his face – she likes to study reactions, movements and people these days, it helps her to know this world again.

"I can offer you a job," He starts and Regina immediately opens her mouth to object because no, this is too much, but Robin doesn't let her say a word, instead he continues, "Listen to me. I need a nanny, John cannot look after my child all the time. You have a very good relationship with Roland, you would be the best nanny for him and I trust you."

His words bring warmth to her heart – he trusts her with his child, it's such a huge compliment, she feels flattered but it doesn't change her mind.

Shaking her head, she says, "I'm really thankful for your offer but I cannot accept that. You already did a lot for me, I don't want to cause you any trouble."

"You can accept that," He takes her hand in his, gives it a light comforting squeeze. "But I'm not forcing you. If you really don't want to stay, you're free to go. You can think about it for as long as you want." He assures her.

"Why are you so good to me?" She asks before she can stop herself.

Robin looks at her for a moment, then looks down at their hands, takes a deep breath, "I am doing what every good person would do."

Regina rolls her eyes at that because even though she doesn't have her memory she is well aware of people in this world and their attitude. But she doesn't comment that, knows that it's useless. Instead she sighs and says, "I will think about your offer. Thank you."

Robin squeezes her hand one more time before smiling and then he releases her, moves away so there's more distance between the two of them. Regina excuses herself telling him that she's very tired and wants to sleep, wishes Robin a good night and walks to _her_ room.

That night she doesn't fall asleep. Her thoughts doesn't leave her alone, tortures her with choices she needs to make. After hours of tossing from side to side, staring at the ceiling and walking around the room, she finally comes to a decision.

She will tell Robin the first thing in the morning.

(...)

Regina's lips quirk up into a smile when little Roland drops a teddy bear from his chubby arms and runs towards the door on very unsteady legs. Surprisingly he doesn't fall – he learned to walk a few days ago, the day of his first birthday – protecting Regina and himself from another round of cries.

Roland is squealing, Robin is saying something, and her smile deepens, her heart filled with happiness. It's not a surprise that Regina loves Roland so much, she spent more than half a year with him, and they both grew to love each other dearly. She got attached to this little boy and sometimes when she thinks about her future and going _home,_ her heart clenches at the thought of leaving this little buddle of joy behind.

Regina gets up from the floor and collects the toys which are thrown all around the room. She then walks to the kitchen where the food is already waiting for Robin – it's not her job to make food for him, they made that clear when she signed her work agreement all these months ago but sometimes when Roland is unbelievably good, she cooks because that's the one thing that makes her happy, she figured that much out.

When Robin walks into the kitchen with his son in his arms, he looks different. He's smiling but she can tell that something is off when he murmurs a quiet 'hi' and sits down to the table without commenting anything about her making dinner.

Regina decides to shrug it off, perhaps it's just a bad day at work. After all, it's none of her business, she's just a nanny but that part of her that counts Robin as her very close friend, doesn't let her calm down.

She chooses to wait for a while and see if his mood gets better or worse, so she doesn't ask him anything during dinner, doesn't ask him anything when they're playing in the living room with Roland – Robin doesn't even look at her – doesn't even ask when Robin takes half sleeping Roland to bed but when he finally emerges from the room after making sure Roland is out for the night, Regina cannot stop herself from asking, "What's the matter?"

For the first time that evening Robin looks at her, his eyes pained, making her heart clench with anxiety. He walks to the couch she's sitting on and sits beside her, exhaling audibly before taking her hand in his and giving it a little squeeze.

"I'm sorry, Regina," He starts and Regina inhales deeply and exhales, repeats these deep breaths over and over again in order to stop her heart that is threatening to jump out of her chest.

She knew something was wrong, she should have asked earlier.

Before she can voice any of her inner conflicts, Robin speaks again, "The agent who's responsible for the search of your relatives called me today. He announced that he's already done everything that was possible to find them and he sees no reason to continue our search. It's been more than half a year, he's sure if your family wanted to be found or was searching for you, we would be succeeded by now." He gives her hand a light, comforting squeeze before murmuring, "I'm really sorry."

"Oh"

It shouldn't make her sad. She knew all along that this was going to happen, sooner rather than later. It was destined to be. But it still makes her throat close with a knot of tears. She's been trying so hard to be optimist. It turns out it was a very stupid thing to do.

Tears are forming in the corners of her eyes but she will not cry. She will not cry for someone she doesn't even remember.

She takes a shaky breath, blinks away the tears and says, "No, Robin, it's okay. We both knew it was going to happen." She stops when her voice shakes, when tears are threatening to fall down her cheeks.

She's promised herself that she will not cry, that she'll be strong when the day comes. Turns out she is not keeping her promises.

Robin must have sensed her inner battle or seen her tears because he squeezes the hand he's holding and moves a little bit closer so he can wrap his free arm around her shoulder. She feels the urge to push him away, she doesn't need comforting but cannot find strength to do so.

He pulls her to his chest, arms wrapping tighter around her in order to comfort her.

"I have to let my past go," She whispers against his chest after awhile, when the tears are gone, no longer preventing her from talking.

"And you will as soon as you're ready," He agrees and pulls away a bit so he can look her in the eye. "You're so strong, Regina, I'm in awe by your courage. You've proven me that a person can overcome everything," He says, letting his fingers touch her cheek gently, caressing it.

She's touched by his words but she's more stunned by a sudden contact. He has never touched her, just held her hand from time to time when she needed it, but nothing more. And this touch is unexpected, new. His hand is warm against her cheek, it makes shivers run down her back.

All of a sudden something shifts between them. This one innocent touch changes the atmosphere in the room, it's no longer quiet and calm. Regina feels warmth spreading through her body as Robin's hand leaves her cheek and travels down her neck to her shoulders, down her arm until it settles on her lower back. His other hand finds its way there, too, and then he's pulling her closer to him.

Robin's forehead rests on hers as he closes his eyes, their breaths mingling together. She has an idea of what he's going to do and anticipation fills her. Unconsciously she tilts her head a little, making the arms wrapped around her tighten, press her even firmer against him.

Robin sighs, and Regina knows that he's going to kiss her right there, right now and he's giving her a chance to stop him and she should do that, she should pull away because that's not okay, she has a family somewhere out there, she cannot let something like that happen while she doesn't remember anything, she has to stop him before it's too late.

But she doesn't stop him.

And when his lips finally press against hers, she thinks that her breathing stops.

(...)

The ground he's lying on is hard and uncomfortable and the weather is too hot for him. It should be the middle of the night, Henry thinks, since Peter Pan and his 'lost boys' are sleeping, or pretending to be asleep, he's not sure.

Henry should be sleeping too, resting because there's a day of adventures and dangerous things ahead but he cannot close his eyes.

And not only the hard ground and hot weather are responsible for his lack of sleep.

He knew that Neverland is a really terrible place but he didn't think it was that bad until he found himself drowning in guilt. Peter warned him that even boys who are unloved have done something to regret and it will haunt them at night.

Of course, Henry's done something to regret and now he cannot help but feel guilt for what happened to his mom – Regina.

He didn't have time to figure out what has happened to her but he heard people gossiping about the Queen creating a portal and going back to the Enchanted Forest. There were other people who were sure that the Queen was murdered. But Henry didn't believe any of that – his mom would never leave him behind and no one could be strong enough to murder her.

His only chance at the moment is Emma. He knows she will save him, of course she will, she's the savior, she was born to save people, and he hopes that it will happen soon. This land and it's magic is making all this guilt unbearable. And as soon as he's back in Storybrooke, he will come back the operation of saving Regina that doesn't have a name yet.

After a few long hours of over-thinking about what could have happened to Regina, exhaustion wins and Henry cannot keep his eyes opened anymore. The hard ground doesn't feel so hard anymore, that guilt isn't as bad as it was and the weather seems to be cooler. In a second sleep takes him away but that night Regina doesn't leave him – he dreams about her, her apple pie, her unconditional love and life that they could've had.

(...)

A/N: I'm super sorry for the delay. Life's been pretty busy.

Thank you to all who read and review. You have no idea how much it means to me!

Hope you liked this chapter, and if you did, please, let me know.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing! You guys are the best!**

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

(...)

When Robin breaks the kiss and pulls away from her breathing heavily, Regina is gasping for air. She can hardly stand on her own feet, her head is spinning around, probably from the lack of oxygen – after all, she's not used to kissing like that. She cannot even open her eyes, it feels as if they're glued together.

It's her first kiss.

Not first, actually, she's sure she's been kissed before, but it's the first kiss she remembers and somehow it becomes important. It was so wonderful, so good, she should stop thinking and kiss him again because that's what she wanted to do for days now, has been dreaming about kissing Robin. If her head would stop spinning, she would definitely kiss him again.

Robin's hold on her is strong, he helps her stand until her body regains control and she's finally able to stand on her own feet without wobbling.

"You shouldn't have kissed me," She murmurs when she opens her eyes and finds Robin staring right back at her. She still feels unsteady, her voice shaky, can still feel small electricity shocks running through her body.

Robin frowns at her statement. She has no right to be mad or complain – she knew what his intentions were, he'd given her time to stop him but she didn't. She let him kiss her.

After a moment Robin nods his head, his face serious as he tells her, "No, I shouldn't have." She thinks that he's going to pull away from her now but he surprises her by wrapping his arm around her lower back and pulling her closer. He leans over until their foreheads are touching and states, "But I couldn't stop myself and I don't regret it."

"I don't regret it, either," She whispers and pulls away a little so she can see Robin's face better. He's grinning, that stupid grin that sometimes annoys her but right now she cannot bring herself to care.

She returns the smile but then Robin ruins everything by leaning over to kiss her again.

As much as she doesn't want to, she has to stop him. There's still so much she needs to figure out before starting a relationship with this amazing man so she puts a hand on his chest and shakes her head.

Robin stops immediately and looks up at her with confusion written all over his handsome face, obviously not understanding what she really wants – and to be honest, she doesn't really know that herself.

"Give me time," She asks, letting out a sigh. Her hand then travels up from where it's been resting on his chest to his cheek, smiles when his stubble tickles her palm. With an inhale she explains what's keeping her from diving into this relationship with him, and Robin stops her ramblings with a squeeze on her head (he's almost kissed her again but stopped before their lips could touch), assuring her that she has all the time in the world.

Regina grins then; it's impossible, this man is impossible. He's done so much for her already, has abandoned his own life and given up his free time for her. He ruined his plans, everything, and yet he's ready to wait for her. He knows how messy her mind gets sometimes but he still wants to wait for her. He still wants to be with her.

She cannot help but hug him tightly – this man brings warmth into her heart and life, and Regina will be forever thankful for his care, she will be never able to repay him.

Robin's arms are wrapped around her immediately, holding her close. She can feel his heart beating under her ear, can feel how her own heart beats in rhythm with his and what's the point in waiting? She knows what she should do…

But what if she gets involved and then remembers everything? What if it turns out that she has a family, a husband? What will she do then?

"I should go to sleep now," She lifts her head from his chest and says. Her thoughts are getting the best of her and if she stays like that, over-thinking everything, she will have a huge unbearable headache and it's the least thing she needs right now.

Robin nods his head and lets her go, takes a step backwards so they're not touching. Regina misses his touch instantly but doesn't let herself think too much about it, instead says a good night which Robin returns with a smile and turns around before walking into his room and closing the door behind himself.

Regina sits down on the couch, sighs and puts her head in her hands. For a moment she feels the urge to stand up and just go to him, be with him and screw her past but she silences that urge and does nothing because it would be unfair to give him false hope that they could be together and then leave him because she remembers who she really is.

If she really wants to be with him, she has to give up her past. She has to promise herself that no matter what happens, no matter if one day her husband or family appears, she will be with Robin.

And she's not ready to do that now.

Sighing in desperation, she stands up and goes to her room.

Sleep comes surprisingly quickly that night – one minute she's thinking about Robin and the happiness they could create together, the other her mind is empty and she's asleep.

(…)

Regina's running through the tall grass, her long silver dress is fluttering around her, making her pace slower. She should've chosen to wear pants which would be so much better and more comfortable. But there's no time for a wardrobe change. Her long dark hair is falling on her face and it doesn't help at all. She's breathless already but she doesn't stop, she cannot stop.

She runs into the stables and looks around, her eyes searching for a certain young man, her man. Daniel. She has to be quick because her mother can find her soon and she cannot risk that. She needs to find him before Mother does.

"Daniel!"

All of a sudden he appears from the corner of the stables and she doesn't waste a moment, runs straight into his embrace. Her arms wrap tightly around him and he does the same, holding her, kissing her and she manages to tell him between kisses that her mother arranged her and the king's wedding, that they will be separated forever.

He tells her that they can run away together, that she doesn't have to marry that old bastard and she agrees, she would agree to anything this man suggests and after her nod, he's taking her hand and dragging her with him towards happiness.

All of a sudden everything changes, she's no longer running, instead she's crying frightened because happiness are torn away from her hands and now Mother is holding Daniel's heart in her hand.

Regina cannot see, tears are blinding her but she manages to make out Daniel collapsing on the ground and her mother pouring ashes over his lifeless body.

Regina collapses beside him, shouts, screams but nothing comes out and her mother is looking at her, laughing, saying that Regina is such a foolish girl.

She feels like dying, her heart is beating so fast, her breathing is getting out of control and everything is turning, turning and turning and-

"Regina"

She's not going to make it but her mother is dragging her away from the man she loves, and it hurts, she's shaking, she doesn't want to live-

"REGINA"

Her eyes snap open and she's trembling as she looks from one side to another. She cannot focus, she doesn't know where she is but that pain of losing someone she loved is still there and it's hard to breath and she's crying and-

"Regina," A warm palm rests on her cheek. It gets her attention but she doesn't hear what else someone is saying, she's shaking and how could her own mother do that to her, how- "Regina, please, look at me," She hears it again and this time she forces herself to follow the voice and finally her eyes focus on someone who's calling her.

It's Robin.

"Look at me," He repeats and she does just want he says; she looks at him and their gazes lock, his deep and calm eyes stare right back at her and she feels herself getting control of her mind. "Deep breaths"

It's Robin, the man who saved her all those months ago.

She's in his apartment. With him and his son. Safe.

And she has no memory of herself.

It wasn't real.

"It was just a bad dream," He tells her, running his hand through her hair.

Of course it was just a dream. There's no magic in this world, no mother would do something like that to their own child. It was a stupid dream, Regina doesn't even know why she's so affected but the tears are betraying her and rolling down her cheeks.

It felt so real.

She looks up at Robin, her lower lip trembling. He lets out a sigh and wraps his arms tightly around her, rubbing soothing circles over her back.

She's safe.

Everything is okay.

Regina's not sure how much time passes before she finally calms down, manages to put her breathing under control, to stop tears from falling down her now very red cheeks. Robin's still there, holding her, whispering comforting nothings into her hair.

Inhaling deeply Regina pulls away from him, apologizing for making a scene. Robin assures her that it's fine and releases her from his embrace, lets her lie back down on the bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks carefully and Regina shakes her head immediately. No, there's no way she's going to talk about this with someone. It's embarrassing. She's got this kind of reaction over a dream about some magic things, about her lover being killed by her own mother. That's crazy."Okay then. You should get some sleep," Robin's quiet voice snaps her out of her thoughts.

She shakes her head one more time; there's no way she's going back to sleep after that. She sits up in the bed, tugs the blanket closer to her and mutters, "It's impossible."

Robin frowns, sitting down on the edge of the bed and takes her hand in his, gives it a light squeeze.

"Then I will stay with you."

He's obviously shaken by what has happened. Regina feels bad, she feels the urge to tell him to go to sleep, she will be fine, but she knows that it's her he's worried about, and it's better to let him stay.

"I need some fresh air," She states after a moment of silence, pushing the cover away from her body, and stands up on shaky legs. She doesn't know why she's still shaking, it was just a stupid dream but she cannot control it.

Robin hands her the robe that's been placed on the end of the bed and she gladly takes it, puts it on and then walks to the living room with Robin following behind her.

When she opens the door of the balcony, Robin stops her with his hand on hers, "You'll get sick," He warns because that's true, she just wake up from sleep, the apartment is warm but the weather outside is not, it's mostly cold and she'll probably end up with a sore throat and runny nose.

"I'll be fine," She assures him and walks into the balcony.

The cold air hits her face immediately, wind blows her hair around her face. Her skin is covered in goosebumps, her feet are stinging from the cold and now she's trembling for the whole different reason but she cannot bring herself to care.

She feels alive.

Her hands grip the rail of the balcony tightly as she inhales deeply, hoping that this cold air will push these terrifying memories of the nightmare out of her head.

The door of the balcony opens and Robin walks in with a comforter and slippers in his hands and Regina cannot help but smile when he insists that she puts it on. She does it with a quiet thank you, tells Robin that she'll be fine, that he can go to sleep now.

Robin leaves her alone and Regina sighs shakily, wraps the comforter tighter around herself as she walks to the chair at the corner of the balcony and sits down. The view that appears before her eyes is breathtaking and any other time she would do nothing, just stare at it but now she closes her eyes and for a moment she just breathes – deep inhale, exhale and inhale again – until everything calms down.

The sound of the door being opened again makes Regina open her eyes. Robin is standing in front of her with two cups of something steamy (coffee, she can tell from the smell). She smiles and Robin grins back at her, handing her a cup, the one with an apple on it because it's her favorite cup, she's claimed it as her own, and sits down on the other chair beside her.

Regina takes a sip of hot coffee and smiles again, wrapping her palms around her cup in order to stay warm.

If it was Regina's choice, she would stay like this forever.

They sit in silence for what feels like forever, and Regina feels calmer and calmer with each passing second. She doesn't want to think about that dream, she doesn't want to know what it means. She needs to forget.

And she feels guilty. Robin is sitting here, in the middle of the night with her while he should be sleeping because there's a work day ahead of him. But no, he chose to stay with her, to be there for her.

"Thank you," She breaks the silence and looks down at the cup in her hands.

"It's just coffee," Robin says carelessly, and she can see him smiling from ear to ear from the corner of her eye.

"No," She shakes her head, that's not what she meant. "Thank you for everything you've done for me." She says and finds the courage to look up at him and give him a grateful smile. "I will never be able to thank you enough."

"I don't want you thanking me. All I want is you to be happy." He tells her, stretching his hand out over the small table. There's a smile on his lips, and it's so sincere, Regina feels her heart being filled with warmth.

Regina puts her hand in his and as soon as their skin touches, she feels electricity running through her body. Robin takes her hand to his lips, kisses her knuckles like a true gentleman and then rests their holding hands on the table giving it a light squeeze.

And then he starts talking. He talks about random things – from work to his friends' pranks when they were young – and Regina cannot help but smile because as silly as it sounds, it's working on her. She's occupied, cannot think about that damned dream.

Robin talks until the Sun rises.

(…)

"Everything would be much easier if Regina was with us," Snow White states as she walks across the deck and sits down beside her husband, sighing in relief.

The storm that stopped not long ago could have been their end and they haven't even reach the Neverland yet. It's obvious that their situation is unenviable. The Neverland itself is an awful land and it's going to be very hard to save Henry who's been kidnapped by some brainless idiots. The only powerful sorceress on their side is Emma (since Gold decided to abandon them and work on his own) who has no practice in using magic. A sword and a hook is very little help in a fight against magic.

David snorts and turns to look at his wife, a sassy comment on his lips but Snow shushes him with just one fatal look. She's not ready to let anyone talk bad things about Regina.

The silence surrounds them, the only sound is waves churching against the board of the ship. They all are tired and desperate and in need of sleep.

Mary Margaret rests her head against David's shoulder, looks at Emma and catches the blonde opening her mouth to say something but then she seems to change her mind and closes it without saying anything.

"Emma?" She asks, raising her eyebrow in question.

"I don't know if it's true but," She stops to looks from her mother to her father, probably doubting if it's worth saying but then she makes up her mind and continues, "I found some information about Regina. It didn't lead anywhere, obviously, but I found out that she was in the hospital for a day or two. But after she was released, there were no news about her."

"What? What happened to her?"

Emma sighs, "When Belle was shot and crossed the town line, she lost her memories. When we were looking for Neal, Gold always had to wear that enchanted scarf. There's a huge possibility that Regina crossed the town line and-

"And lost all of her memories," Mary Margaret finishes her daughter's sentence with a gasp, a hand falling over her lips as she realizes just how bad the situation actually is.

David is intrigued by the information, so now he's the one who asks, "What else do you know about her?"

"She was brought by a man. She wasn't injured." Emma tells them, and that's all the information she could get.

Mary Margaret recovers from the small shock rather quickly and looks at her daughter with a frown on her face, "Why haven't you told us this earlier?"

"Our life is so much better without her," Emma states, shrugging her shoulders.

"Emma!"

"Mary Margaret, listen," The blonde asks and when Snow gives her a roll of her eyes followed with a nod, she continues, "Regina doesn't remember us. She doesn't remember anything, she forgot about what was done to her. She can create a happy life without the shadows from the past."

"But Henry-"

"Henry is mine son. And mine alone." Emma cuts her off, standing up. "He'll be happy with me, he does not need Regina." She exhales, and looks at her parents. "We will talk about this when we come back," With that she turns around and walks into the cabin.

She needs a drink.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you for reading, favoriting, following and reviewing! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

(...)

When Roland finally falls asleep, Regina kisses on top of his head and walks out of the room, closing the door behind herself so that the boy's sleep wouldn't be disturbed. It's been a long day for both of them, he deserves to rest. And so does she.

But she's a nanny here, there are duties she has to do first, so she goes to the living room and cleans the mess Roland's made while playing, collects all the toys that are thrown around the apartment and puts them in their places.

Making sure that everything is in its places, she sighs, turns off the lights and walks to the bathroom. Her shower is long, very long to be exact – after hard days warm water always helps her relax – but she doesn't rush, there's no need to hurry when she has the apartment all to herself.

When she emerges from the bathroom after draying her hair and putting on her cotton pajamas, she finds herself back in the living room, sitting on the couch. She turns to look at the clock but the room is mostly dark, the only source of light is street lights, she has to narrow her eyes to make numbers out.

Her jaw drops open – it's past 11 PM.

She hasn't realizes it was that late. Well, it's not actually that late but she has a routine and her bed time is around 10 PM. But today she's not going to sleep, not until Robin comes back home.

It's Robin friend's birthday, they're having some kind of a party and he's informed her that he'll be home after the midnight, told her she should go to sleep and not wait for him.

But Regina cannot bring herself to go to sleep while he's not at home. She likes to know that everything is fine and she'd really like to make sure that he's back in one peace.

That's how she finds herself curled on the couch with a thin blanket, watching some boring TV show. That show doesn't get her attention in the slightest, so she just closes her eyes and lets herself think.

The first thought that enters her mind is Robin's birthday, of course. The date is not too far away, just in two weeks and she still needs to find a present for him. She doesn't expect to be invited to the birthday party, no, she's just a nanny here, after all, but it'd be nice to give something to him anyway. Unfortunately, she has no idea what it could be.

She thinks and thinks and thinks about all the things she could buy to him but nothing seems right. Then she thinks about making him something, but it feels silly. It frustrates her and makes her angry and sometimes she just gives it up and thinks that a 'happy birthday' Robin' and a hug will be a good present, too.

The click of the door snaps her out of her thoughts, a loud bang follow and then there's a light turned on in the hallway. Regina forces herself to open her eyes but they close on their own accord as soon as the light reaches them, but it doesn't take long until she adjust and then she leaves the warmth of the couch and goes straight to the hallway.

Robin is drunk. In fact very drunk. He can barely stand on his own feet, even taking off a jacket is a struggle it seems because he's stumbling, trying to take the damn thing off, murmuring something under his nose. Finally he manages to get off one sleeve, then the other and his jacket falls onto the floor but he doesn't bother to pick it up, instead he announces that he's home way too loudly.

His "Regina, I'm home," makes her frown because it's the middle of the night and if he keeps talking like that Roland's going to be awaken and it's not what they want. So she shushes him immediately, walks up to him and wraps an arm around his middle for there's very little chance he'll make it to the bed on his own. He'll likely collapse in the hallway and stay there till the morning.

"You should be sleeping," Robin says when he wraps an arm around her too, and he's too heavy now, she figures out that bedroom is too far away, they'll not make it, instead both of them will end up on the hallway floor. She thinks that a couch won't be too bad for one night so she drags him there.

"I would be sleeping by now if you weren't coming home drunk," she responds and Robin turns his head to look at her with a frown (he probably already forgot what he'd asked moments ago) that is quickly replaced by a pout. She shakes her head with an amused smile on her face – how much has he had tonight? – and pushes him on the couch.

He falls down on it. And drags her together.

Regina gasps in surprise and chuckles when Robin groans, shifting from under her. She's not that light, it seems. She tries to get up from him and let him breath but his arms find their way around her middle, and he's not letting her go.

"Robin, let me go," she demands, "I want to go to sleep, really. And you should do the same."

Her words have no affect on him, he doesn't do anything, doesn't move an inch, just lies there with her in his arms, inhaling and exhaling calmly. He seems to enjoy the position they're in. Regina sighs and waits for a moment he relaxes and when his arms loosen around her, she quickly gets up.

Robin's eyes widen but he's too lazy to stop her so he just sighs and pouts again as if he's a toddler. She ignores his sad face and walks to his room, comes back with a pillow and a warmer blanket. She puts them over him and is about to turn around and walk to her room but he stops her with a hand around her wrist.

"Stay with me."

"Robin"

"Please."

His face is so adorable, his eyes pleading. She cannot resist.

Nodding her head she sits down on the armchair beside the couch. Robin wastes no time and takes her hand in his, holds it. He rolls on his side then and looks down at their joined hands.

"I know you don't want to hear that from me right now but God, Regina, you're so beautiful," He whispers his confession and Regina has to look away from him. But Robin doesn't notice how uncomfortable she is or doesn't comment, just adds, "And you're so kind."

"Shut up, Robin," she murmurs quietly, though her voice is stern, "And sleep."

But he doesn't listen, instead he looks at her, and she's not looking at him but she can feel his gaze on her. With an inhale, she turns and their eyes meet.

"You know, you're the first thing I think about every single morning," He states, looking straight at her. Ignoring the sigh that escapes her, he continues, "And you're the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep."

Regina shakes her head at him because she doesn't want to hear that, not now. She opens her mouth to protest but he speaks before she can even utter a single work. "Sometimes I watch you when you're playing with Roland."

"Stalker."

"No," He shakes his head, "I just love to watch you smile and laugh. You smile so rarely that way but when you're with Roland, you look so young and happy." He confesses. Regina rolls her eyes at him but the squeeze he gives her gets her attention again, "You and Roland are the most important people in my life. You would be an amazing mother to him." He says making Regina shift anxiously. She hasn't made up her mind about dating him and here he is, talking about such commitment. "You're amazing, and I'm the luckiest man in the whole world because that day I was the one who found you in the woods. Regina, you changed my life."

She thinks she should say something, anything, but the words are stuck in her throat, she hasn't thought she's meant that much to him, of course he made it clear that he's attracted to her, but she had no idea he was having this kind of feelings… It was something new, something what she wasn't expecting.

Silence surrounds them and no one of them says a word. Regina waits for a couple of minutes and then, when she thinks that Robin should be sleeping, she gets up from the armchair but his words stop her dead in her track.

"I love you, Regina Mills."

Her legs fail her as she sits back down on the armchair, her hand tightening around his. He's drunk and he probably won't even remember anything in the morning, but she feels that he's sincere, she knows he is. The realization makes her heart beat faster and her breath catch in her throat.

Robin Locksley is in love with her.

It takes her minutes to recover, but when she finally finds her voice, she shakes her head saying, "Robin, you don't understand what you're talking."

He ignores what she's just said and states, "I'd do anything to make you happy," His voice's filled with sleep, his eyelids are heaving. "You just have to let me in."

After that his eyes don't open anymore.

But Regina doesn't move, not even after he falls asleep. She stays there, sitting on the couch that is not comfortable, with her eyes wide opened in shock or surprise, or maybe both. He's just confessed something that she thought she would never hear in her entire life.

(…)

She's laying on a very uncomfortable thing, all parts of her body are aching and burning. One of her hand is stretched out in a very uncomfortable position, holding something warm and sweaty and it's not a nice feeling. She tries to roll over but her body feels as if paralyzed, she cannot move a finger.

Sighing, she starts moving her toes a bit, then her ankles and then finally she manages to lift the whole leg. When her legs are alive again, she shifts her arm until the feeling of needles disappears. Then she finally opens her eyes and slowly sits up, releasing that sweaty things she's been holding.

Her eyes catch Robin laying on the couch on his back with his mouth slightly opened.

And all of a sudden she remembers everything what's happened yesterday, all the things Robin's said and confessed to her.

Her whole body tensed at the memory. She hopes, really hopes that he'll not remember a single thing he'd said.

For awhile she stares at him, smiles when he snores quietly. His words from the previous night repeat in her head over and over again and it makes her feel trapped. He wants to be with her, damn it, she knows that she wants that too but what about her family?

Shaking her head to herself, she gets up from this very uncomfortable armchair and quietly walks to the kitchen. She decides that he needs sleep, she's sure he's going to have a headache as soon as he wakes up, there's no reason to risk waking him up and prolong his torture.

She makes herself a cup of strong coffee and sits down to the kitchen table, looks at the clock. It's early, 7AM, but she doesn't feel like sleeping anymore so she decides to wait until little Roland awakes and then they'll need to go to the pharmacy and groceries shopping, probably.

But the boy won't be awake for another hour or so and Regina just sits there and forces herself to think about anything instead of what's Robin said yesterday. The first thought that enters her head is Robin's present and yes, that's good, it'll keep her busy.

She thinks and thinks and thinks for a little bit longer but nothing comes into her mind. Frustration wins over and she's ready to give up, when an unexpected idea hits her.

A huge smiles spreads across her lips – she knows a perfect present for him.

(..)

When Regina and Roland come back from their little shopping, it's almost afternoon. They find Robin awake but still lying on the couch with a hand over his eyes.

Regina grins – she was right, he has a very strong headache indeed.

Roland's face lightens up when he spots his Papa awake, he drops the bottle of juices he's brought with himself and runs towards Robin before Regina has a chance to stop him.

A groan leaves Robin as soon as his son climbs onto the couch and squeals 'Papa'. The boy is oblivious to his father's suffering, his squeals become louder and louder as he jumps on the couch on still unsteady legs.

"Hello, my boy," Robin greets his son with hug in order to calm the boy down. "Papa's not feeling well today."

Regina chuckles at his statement. Of course he's not feeling well but who's responsible that he drank that much?

She leaves the two of them alone, walks to the kitchen and puts the bags there, pours a glass of water and takes a pill of ibuprofen, then walks to him.

Robin's eyes find hers before she reaches the couch and he looks sheepish. She gives him a small smile before handing him a glass and a pill. He sits up a bit with Roland on his laps, takes a pill, then a glass from her and empties it in one gulp.

Well, someone was very thirsty.

Regina sits down on the armchair she's slept and looks at Roland, who rests his head against Robin's chest and smiles at her, dimples in his cheeks makes her heart flutter from love.

"I'm sorry if I said something inappropriate yesterday," His apology cuts off the silence. Regina lifts her gaze from Roland to him and he looks really ashamed. For a moment Regina thinks that he remembers everything and he still knows how uncertain she is about her feelings towards him, he knows he's gone too far yesterday.

But he was so drunk, there's no chance that he remembers everything so she smiles in response and assures him that it's fine. He nods but there's still guilt all over his face and Regina cannot have that.

"Everything's fine, really," She assures him one more time with a smile and stands up. "I'm going to make us something to eat. What about pancakes?" She asks and Roland squeals in delight – though Regina is sure that the boy has no idea what pancakes are – and Robin groans again.

Chuckling, Regina turns on her heel and walks to the kitchen.

(…)

Mary Margaret watches her daughter as she leaves the captain's cabin and walks towards her father with her head bent down. She looks exhausted, her long light hair tangled, bags under her eyes don't make her look any better and her whole composure makes Snow's heart ache. Her once very happy daughter looks awful right now.

Shaking her head to herself, the brown haired woman stands up from the stairs she was sitting on and walks towards her husband too. It's been a long and hard day for everything because Henry's rescue wasn't the easiest thing and there were moments when they thought they've lost him but with the help of their good friends, they won this battle and now are on their way home. And Snow thinks that in this moment Emma really needs their support after what's happened.

David hugs his daughter as soon as she reaches him and Mary Margaret isn't far away too. Emma doesn't look too happy for this family hug but she doesn't say anything and Snow ignores all the warnings in her head and just hugs her family.

They enjoy the quietness and the peacefulness of the moment but that moment doesn't take too long, it soon turns into another fight between Snow White and Emma, when the brown haired woman asks a stupid question.

"Did you tell Henry about Regina?"

Emma pulls away from her parents immediately, frowns and shakes her head, "No."

"You should've told him," Mary Margaret protests, looking at her daughter. They may have had wars with Regina and perhaps she ruined their life but Snow cannot leave her step-mother all alone in this whole wide world. And she can't Henry believe that his mother is killed or run away back to the Enchanted Forest. She feels responsible.

"I will tell him when I see a reason to do it."

Snow's eyes widen in surprise; yes, that woman did a lot of damage to their family but she deserves another chance, why doesn't Emma understand that?

"Emma, why are you like this?" She asks, looking at her daughter with arched eyebrows. "You don't know the real Regina, she's not that evil, she's a good person and if you give her a chance, she'll prove it. I know that _that_ good woman is still there. Emma, we need to get her back."

"And why's that?"

"She's our family, Emma, and-"

"You know where my mom is?" Mary Margaret is cut off by a quiet voice from behind her that belongs to her grandson. She turns around with wide eyes and finds Henry standing on the deck with a blue blanket wrapped around his tiny form, eyes wide open, tears at the corners, his body shaking "You knew the whole time?"

"Henry, let me explain," Emma starts but the kid is not listening, he takes a step back shaking his head and before Emma has a chance to say something, to explain – but there's not much to explain, actually, - Henry turns around and runs back into the captain's cabin shutting the door behind himself.

He doesn't want to listen to them.

All he wants to do is find his mom.

(...)

Thoughts?


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reads, follows, favorites and reviews! You guys are the best!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own them.**

(..)

Looking in the mirror for the umpteenth time Regina frowns at herself, runs her hands down her knee-length red dress trying to fix the creases from that creaseless dress, then her hands move up to her hair, fixing it nervously. She exhales and looks at her reflection again.

She's nervous, oh so very nervous.

And she knows she shouldn't be but damn it, she just can't help it.

The reason of her nervousness is Robin's birthday party. He's invited her to the celebration a week ago and she'd refused, told him it's his birthday and he should be with his friends, but the look on Robin's face and the speech he gave her about her being his very dear friend and a very important person in his life made Regina agree.

Shaking her head to herself, she looks at her reflection one more time, checking to make sure that everything is in its places.

God, she really didn't need to agree…

"You'll be late, Regina." She hears Anita, the neighbor living next door who agreed to look after Roland for the night, calling from the living room.

Regina groans, glancing at the mirror one last time. Sighing she turns around and quickly walks out of the bathroom, grabs her purse and the present from the couch. She quickly walks up to Roland and gives him a kiss on the cheek - the boy giggles in response- asks him to be a good boy for Anita, (she's quite sure that Roland doesn't understand what she's asked )and when Roland squeals something in his own language she smiles, wishes them a good night and walks out of the apartment to the cab that's been waiting for her for a few minutes now.

After fifteen minutes she arrives to the place. She huffs a breath, running her hand through her hair nervously. She doesn't understand why she's so nervous, and she feels the urge to turn around and just go back home. But no, she'll not do it.

Taking a deep breath, she pushes all doubts away and walks in.

The bar is full of people, it looks like the party's already started and Regina curses under her breath. She scans the room, eyes searching for Robin but there are so many people – she wonders how one person can have so many friends. There's no way she'll find him.

She sighs, looking around the room one more time, now searching for a quieter place to stay, when someone walks up to her from behind.

"You came."

A smile spreads across Regina's face as she turns around on her heel and faces Robin who's standing there with a very stupid grin on his lips. "Sorry I'm late," She says sheepishly but Robin has none of that, he just shakes his head and pulls her into a tight hug.

"I thought you've changed your mind," He admits when they pull away.

"I couldn't disappoint you," She replies with a smile. "Happy birthday, Robin," She says sincerely looking straight into his eyes. She hands him that huge box she's been holding in her hands as Robin arches an eyebrow in curiosity. "I suggest you put this into the fridge," She adds chuckling.

Robin looks away from his present back to Regina, his eyes sparkling with happiness. "Thank you, Regina," He hugs her again, pecking her cheek. "Wait for me," He tells her after pulling away and when she nods, he walks to the other room to put his present into the fridge.

Regina doesn't even have time to look around and Robin is back, taking her hand in his.

"Okay, lets' go," He smiles at her, wraps an arm around her lower back.

Regina returns the smile and then they both make their way towards the centre of the part but then another group of guests enter the bar and Robin has to greet them. He apologizes, tells her he'll see her soon and goes to meet his friends.

She looks around the place again, looks at all those people and groans mentally. Regina's used to a calm life, she doesn't really like the loud noise. And as if it wasn't enough, there are some people who are staring at her, probably wondering who the hell she is (during the time she's lived with Robin, she hasn't met any of his friends and now she really regrets that). Their looks intimidate her, she doesn't feel very confident.

Taking a deep breath, she forces herself not to think about it and continues to scan the place. When her eyes catch a bar, she smiles. A drink will help her relax, ease her nervousness. Yes, that's what she needs right now. She walks straight there and orders a glass of good wine. The bartender give her a drink in record time, and Regina thanks, then sits down on the stool and takes a sip of cool liquid.

The taste is amazing.

She's nursing a second drink of the night, feeling more at ease now that she's alone here. But then, of course, someone walks to the bar and orders a drink too and then sits beside her. She doesn't turn to look to see who's there, tries to avoid any conversation, but then that someone speaks and there's no way to avoid him anymore.

"Good evening, Regina."

It's John, Robin's friend, the one who was not very friendly to her all those months ago. She doesn't even need to look at him, she would always recognize his voice. It makes her tense immediately, she doesn't want to make a scene and ruin Robin's birthday but knowing what that man thinks about her, it's hardly possible.

She murmurs a quiet 'hello' and takes another sip of her drink, hoping that he'll go away and leave her alone.

But he doesn't.

Instead, he shifts on the stool but doesn't say anything and the silence that surrounds them is very uncomfortable. The music is playing loudly in the background and there are people dancing and shouting behind them but the air between them is filled with tension.

Regina nervously finishes her drink, then orders another one while the man beside her sits and doesn't say a word.

Goddamn it.

He could just start talking and say whatever he wants to say and then leave her alone. But no.

She inhales and opens her mouth break that awful silence, when John surprises her by saying, "I'm sorry." She presses her lips together in a thin line, trying not to show how surprised she is. It was the last thing she'd thought she'd hear from him. "I'm sorry for the way I acted that night when we met," John adds, his voice tensed, betraying him, showing he's nervous. "I just-"he stammers unable to finish his sentence, his eyes turning down to the drink in his hands.

Regina straightens in her chair, her gaze dropping to her drink too. Yes, that night John made her feel awful, he did scare her with his words and looks, but it's obvious that it's hard for him to apologize, and truth be told she doesn't want him apologizing, it makes her feel uncomfortable. It's a birthday party and it's supposed to be fun.

"Apology accepted," She says, smiling.

The man immediately looks at her surprised. He nods his head, relaxing a bit. "Listen, Regina," John says, making Regina face him again. If he insists, she will let him talk, what other choice does she have? "Marian, Robin's wife, was my best friend, and I loved her so much, she was like a sister to me. It was hard to understand that she died, I couldn't get over it, and then after a few months after her death Robin brings you home, a beautiful woman, telling me that you have amnesia. I didn't believe him, I thought that bastard-" He stops mid-sentence to take a deep breath, shaking his head to himself. "I was so stupid. And I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," Regina assures him putting her hand on his in order to comfort him.

When John nods, Regina pulls her hand away and shifts on her stool so she's more comfortable and takes a sip of her drink. It's already half empty, she feels that pleasing dizziness of her drink but it also means that she's more and more relaxed.

Good, it's working.

"Friends?" John's words make Regina turn to him with shocked expression. She stares at him for a moment, trying to understand him and his sudden change. She then realizes that there's a hand stretched out for her and with a sigh she takes his hand and shakes it.

"Friends."

John grins in return, and the silence that surrounds them now is no longer uncomfortable. Regina smiles in response and turns back to her drink, sighing.

"Robin is head over heels in love with you, you know," John states and Regina coughs on her drink, eyes widening in surprise. She coughs and coughs and coughs, and John is apologizing again, his hand touching her back lightly in order to help her.

It takes her a while to calm down, but finally the coughing stops and Regina can breathe properly again. She takes another moment to recover from the shock John's given her, blinking her eyes repeatedly. Yes, she knows that Robin has feelings for her, but that he loves her? It's a surprise. He told her he loves her that night when he was drunk but Regina didn't think it was true… And now…

"He talks about you non-stop," John says again and this time Regina is thankful that she's not drinking. "I'm not forcing you or anything, but I think you should give him a chance, or tell him no and end his misery. He's already been hurt a lot before, I don't want him to feel that pain again," He inhales and adds, "And he'll do anything to make you happy, have that in mind."

"I'll think about it," is Regina's answer, as she nervously turns down to her drink. So much for a comfortable conversation…

With a smile, John raises his glass, "For Robin!"

"For Robin!"

(..)

It's been hours since Regina's come here but she still hasn't talked with Robin again. She's seen him talking with his friends, then dancing, and then talking with other friends, but he hasn't come to see her. But thankfully, John didn't let her feel bored. He kept her mind busy with all kind of stories about Robin, ones were embarrassing and had Regina laughing until her stomach ached, the others were personal but it helped her to understand Robin better, to get to know him even more.

And finally Robin appeared.

She doesn't know from where he came, but his steps are rather quick, and he looks happy but nervous at the same time. Regina frowns and turns to John who shrugs in response and turns back to his friend.

"I see you two get along," Robin says as he walks up to them, a smile playing on his lips.

"Oh, don't be jealous." John mocks and turns to Regina.

Robin also looks at her. "Can I have you for a moment?" He asks making Regina frown again. She opens her mouth to ask him what's wrong but then shuts it and stands up, telling John that she'll be back soon.

Robin is leading her somewhere she doesn't know because they leave the main room and go to the personal room, and it has Regina looking curiously at him. "Where are we going?" She asks but Robin doesn't answer, instead his hand tightens around hers.

A squeal of surprise leaves her when suddenly she's pushed into the bathroom with Robin following right behind her, locking the door behind himself immediately. He walks around the place to ensure that they're alone and when he's sure, he comes to a very surprised Regina.

Confusion is written all over her face as she stares at him but before she can get any explanation she's pushed against the doors. She doesn't have time to recover because Robin's lips are on hers in an instant, kissing her like there's no tomorrow.

Surprise washes over Regina. She's frozen for a moment, that wasn't expected, but then her arms find their way around his neck, and she kisses him back, pulling him closer.

When they finally pull away from each other, they are both breathless. Robin rests his forehead against hers, his hot breath hitting her face. His fingers find their way into her soft hair, holding her close to him (not that she wants to pull away).

"I'll be your boyfriend," he breathes out against her lips and realization hits Regina. Oh, now she understands what's happening.

"Oh, so you opened my present," She says, grinning from ear to ear.

Her present was a simple homemade chocolate cake with three simple words that said 'Be my boyfriend'. It was a silly present but she was desperate, there were nothing useful she could buy to him so she decided that giving him an answer to a very important question was a good present after all.

"Did you like it?" She asks then, raising her eyebrow.

"Of course I did," He replies and pecks her lips again.

Regina smiles and she feels stupid because she shouldn't be this happy about this but she is. Seeing Robin so happy and knowing that she's the reason of it makes her feel something strange, something what she hasn't felt before and she likes that feeling, likes it a lot.

"Are you sure, Regina?" Robin's voice snaps her out of her thoughts. She blinks and looks up at him, their gazes locking. "I know you wanted to make up your mind and-"

Regina cuts him off his a kiss, her arms tightening around his neck.

"Robin, I'm-" But the words are stuck in her throat. Suddenly it's hard to breathe. Everything around her starts turning. Her heart is beating like crazy, it feels like its going to jump out of her chest. And the pain… It hurts, something is stabbing her in the heart. Everything becomes black around her and she's spinning, spinning and spinning, and Robin's calling her, shouting her name but she cannot concentrate, she feels like dying, she's going to-

And then suddenly everything stops. It doesn't hurt anymore, it doesn't burn her heart.

And when the darkness finally surrounds her, she finds freedom.

(…)

"What's there?" Mary Margaret asks anxiously, her arm around Henry tightening.

They are standing in the middle of the town street, all of them – David, Mary Margaret, Henry, Neal, Belle, even Captain Hook– watching Emma. Just moments ago Rumpelstiltskin sacrificed himself and killed his own father, and now Emma is holding something in her hands.

"It's a spell," Emma replies, turning the manuscript in her hands. "It says that to save us from the Pen's curse and death, we need to destroy Storybrooke and return to the Enchanted Forest," She explains shifting her weight from one leg to another.

David who's been standing beside Henry and Mary Margaret walks to Emma, takes a spell from her hands and examines it, then looks up at his daughter and says, "Then we have to do it."

Emma shakes her head and takes the spell back, "The caster of the curse has to destroy it."

David puts his hand on his face, groaning in frustration. Everything always turns around Regina. Even when she's not there, her shadow is haunting them. Awesome.

"But you could try to do it," He says then.

This time Emma nods her head, though she's hesitant. She's a part of the curse, yes, and there has to be an exception. If the Savior can break the curse, then the very same Savior can destroy it, right? She's not sure how to do it (even if it would work) for her usage of magic is still very limited, all she knows is what Gold told her and taught her in order to rescue Henry and defend Pen. But now Gold is gone and she's not sure if she's capable of doing what that damned paper says… But does she have a choice?

"We need to find Mom, we can't leave without her," Henry's voice snaps Emma out of her thoughts and she looks up from the paper to her son who's trying to free himself from Mary Margaret's hold.

"We don't have time, kid," Emma says and her words are confirmed with a loud bang that makes all of them jump from unexpectedness as green smoke falls around their feet.

"But what will happen to her?"

"We don't know, Henry," She admits. She hasn't thought about Regina, but now when Henry mentioned it, she understands that he's right. Something will definitely happen to her. She casted the curse, she's supposed to destroy it, and if Emma does it instead of her, what will happen? Will it affect her, or will she come to the Enchanted Forest with them?

"What if it kills her?"

"Henry," Mary Margaret cuts in immediately, turning the boy around and makes him look at her. "We don't know what will happen to Regina, but we cannot let everyone die." She says, looking into Henry's eyes. "You mother is a survivor, nothing will happen to her, I'm sure," She assures Henry but he shakes his head, not agreeing with her.

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't know," Mary Margaret nods her head. "But we have to trust her and do what the spell tells to save all the people of Storybrooke and ourselves." She explains, and even she doesn't believe her own words. It feels like cheating, it's unfair to leave Regina behind, to let her be in the world where she doesn't belong but as much as Snow would want to bring her step-mother back, there's no time for that now.

"I want to find her," Henry whispers, his eyes filling up with tears.

"I want to find her, too, but we don't have time for that," She pulls him into a tight hug, arms tightening when his body starts to shake. Snow finds Emma looking at her questioningly, and she nods her head slightly telling her to do that spell.

Mary Margaret hopes that Regina Mills, her step-mother and the woman who ruined her life, will be alright.

(...)

 **Thoughts? Are you still interested?**

 **And a quick question: would you like to read another Outlaw Queen AU fan fiction written by me? Please, let me know!**


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I was blown away by your response for the last chapter! Thank you so much for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing!

Hope you enjoy this chapter too!

(...)

 _"_ _REGINA"_

 _"_ _OPEN YOUR EYES"_

 _"_ _Call 911"_

 _"_ _She's dying"_

 _"_ _I love you"_

 _"_ _Her heart stopped beating"_

 _"_ _She's not going to make it"_

 _"_ _I am really sorry, Mr. Locksley"_

(..)

The voices are killing her but when Regina opens her eyes, everything stops. The sounds, the voices, the shaking are all but gone. A sigh of relief escapes her as she finally calms down – she thought she'll go insane if it doesn't stop soon.

Relief fades as quickly as it came when she looks around. She's standing in the middle of the unknown street, alone. She's still dressed in that red dress she'd bought for Robin's birthday but Robin is nowhere to be found. People walking by are unfamiliar but some of them glance at her as if they'd know her but she has never seen them before, has she?

The place looks familiar, she cannot remember it, but she's quite sure she's been here before. There's a clock tower right in front of her and a yellow beetle parked not far away, also a cafeteria or something like that.

She's been here. She is one hundred per cent sure.

Unfortunately, she doesn't remember this place, perhaps it's just a déjà vu? Sighing in desperation, she turns around on her heel to see what else is here. A gasp of surprise leaves her when she sees a person standing there.

"Mother?"

The very same Cora Mills is standing in front of her, looking exactly the same as Regina remembers her (since when does Regina remembers her mother? Her memory hasn't came back). The only difference is that the woman is no longer dressed in her usual clothes – dresses – but in a pantsuit and she looks quite annoyed.

"So they defeated you," the woman says, her voice dripping with disappointment. Regina frowns in confusion – they defeated her? Who are they? But she doesn't have time to over-think it because Cora is walking closer to her, her eyes burning. "What happened to you, my dear? Did these idiots trick you, again? Told you they would forgive and then killed you? Oh, you foolish girl."

Regina cannot move a muscle as she stares at the woman in front of her. They? Idiots? Tricked and killed her? What has she done to need forgiveness? Is her mother out of her mind? Finally, Regina recovers from the shock and manages to take a step back though her body is shaking.

Finding her courage, Regina looks up at her Mother and hatred fills her now pure heart.

"Where am I?" She asks instead of letting her thoughts plague her, of letting that anger rule her.

Cora laughs, a humorless laugh, and replies, "The Underworld, Regina. Where else would you end up after being killed?"

Regina's mouth opens in shock as she shakes her head repeatedly. "I can't be dead," She whispers to herself and suddenly the pain is back, everything hurts again, her heart is beating like crazy and her head is going to explode but she's dead already. She cannot think about anything else but the fact that she's dead. Dead.

Why does it hurt that much if she's not alive?

Her mother is saying something and then a laugh follows but she cannot hear it, cannot open her eyes, the pain is too much, everything is too much, and the voices are back in her head, everything is shouting again, shaking her.

She doesn't want to hear that. All she wants is peace.

But does she have choice?

The voices become louder and louder and she's being pulled and someone is shouting "Faster" but someone is saying "she's going to die anyway, her heart stopped beating two times already" and she is agreeing with that someone, she's going to die, and someone says that "we can't save her" but someone insists, "we're going to try. No more talking" and her head becomes dizzy, the pain becomes unbearable, and for the first time in her life, Regina wants to die.

And then suddenly everything becomes dark.

(…)

"How long is it going to take her to wake up?" She hears Robin asking, he sounds anxious. She wants to open her eyes and look at him, assure him that she's going to be okay, that she can hear him, tell him that she loves him so much, but her eyes don't open, they're glued together as are her lips.

"We don't know," someone replies, "We already did everything we could. From now on, everything is in her hands. She either chooses to fight and wake up or she stays in coma and dies."

Regina wants to listen more but something is pulling her away and she can't fight it, she's too weak. The voices are becoming quieter and quieter until the silence surrounds her again.

(…)

Something warm is touching her face, stroking her cheek, then holding her hand. She wants to move away, as much as she enjoys the touch she doesn't want that, she doesn't know who's touching her. But she cannot move a muscle, her body is like paralyzed.

"Baby, come back to me," She hears the voice and it's Robin. Robin is here with her. She mentally relaxes a bit and tries to follow his voice that is shaking with every word. "I lost love once and I won't do it again." He says, squeezing her hand tightly.

There's nothing in this world she wouldn't do for an opportunity to let Robin know that she can hear him and that she'll do everything to come back. She wants to open her eyes, to wake up from this awful dream but she can't, she-

"Don't leave me," All of a sudden a few teardrops wet her hand and realization hits her – he's crying. She doesn't want him suffering, so she puts all her strength to open her eyes or at least say something but nothing comes out and then she's falling again.

(…)

She's heard that the death is calm. You just close your eyes, let out your last breath and it's over.

But how can it be true when everything hurts this much? The pain is running through her again, she can barely keep it together but even when she tries to shout nothing comes out.

She wishes it would stop, wishes she'd be dead already.

She doesn't want to be in pain anymore. It's too much.

She wants to die.

(…)

Regina's eyelids are heavy, even opening her eyes is a struggle; her whole body feels like jelly, she can barely move a finger. And as if it wasn't enough, everything – from head to toe – hurts.

Fighting not to fall asleep again, Regina finds all the strength inside herself and forces her eyes to open. And the third time she's successful. The sudden light blinds her and she has to fight against the urge to close her eyes again for she's not sure she'll be able to open them again, and she really, really doesn't want to sleep anymore.

It doesn't take long until she realizes where she is: while walls and uncomfortable bed with beeping sounds over her head makes it obvious. She doesn't remember how she's got here, the last memory is standing with Robin in the bathroom, telling him she's made up her mind.

Robin.

Where is Robin?

He must be worried.

Slowly she looks from one side to another – every sudden movement makes her want to throw up – and when she turns to the window, her eyes catch Robin curled up on the black leather armchair which is obviously very uncomfortable and too small for him.

She smiles at the picture in front of her. Sighing in relief – at least everything is okay with him – she decides that he needs his rest so she turns back and looks at the ceiling.

How long has she been here? What has happened?

She exhales quietly, her lungs burning from the action. She's thirsty, she realizes. Turning her head to the side she glances at the bottle of something at the nightstand but as she tries to lift her hand and take it, nothing happens. She lifts her hand a few centimeters but then it falls down to the bed.

Damn.

There's no way she's going to wake Robin up just because she's thirsty, so she lies there quietly and instead of thinking about how good the water running down her throat would feel, she tries to remember how she ended up here.

She remembers Robin's birthday party, talking with John, then Robin pushing her against the bathroom door and stealing her breath with kisses and nothing more. But something has obviously happened; otherwise she wouldn't be in the hospital with all kind of stuff attached to her body.

Minutes pass by and Robin doesn't wake up, and she _really_ wants to drink. Taking a deep breath Regina tries to sit up again, unsuccessfully. She falls down on bed, her whole body aching, but the pain in her chest is almost unbearable and she cannot help but let out a small whimper.

The sound is quiet but Robin hears it anyway. His eyes snap open and he immediately looks at her bed, his sleepy eyes widening when he finds her awake. She doesn't have time to even smile and Robin's already by her side, holding her hand, kissing her forehead over and over again.

"You're awake," he finally says, pulling away from her with a huge grin on his face. Regina wants to chuckle at him but everything hurts so instead she manages a small smile in return. "How are you feeling? Do you need me to find a doctor?" He asks, his voice filled with relief.

"I'm thirsty," She manages to say, her voice hoarse, her throat burns.

How long hasn't she said a word?

Robin nods immediately, turns to the nightstand to pour her some water into a glass, then he brings it to her lips and Regina wants to roll her eyes and tell him that she can sit up and hold a cup by her own hands but then the water is running down her throat and all the protest is forgotten.

"I'm going to find a doctor now," Robin says when the glass is empty and back on the nightstand. "Will you be alright for a few moments alone?" He asks concerned and Regina slowly nods her head, still smiling at him.

Before Regina can blink her eyes, Robin is back with a middle age woman beside him. She's dressed in white, a doctor obviously. The woman introduces herself as Dr. Young and then asks usual questions, how Regina is feeling, if she needs painkillers, does she remember what happened all the while doing a check-up.

"Everything looks as normal as it can be in your condition," The doctor finally states, "We'll take care of your surgical incision in the morning."

"My what?"

"You had a surgery, Miss Mills," the doctor explains, "I have to say that it was a very hard surgery since your heart didn't want to cooperate."

Regina swallows hard, still in shock. She doesn't understand anything right now but she can ask Robin, she thinks, there's no reason to keep the doctor here with her stupid questions, right?

"If you need something or the pain gets worse, call me immediately." Dr. Young says and with Regina's nod, she tells "rest, Miss Mills. See you in the morning," and leaves the room.

Once the door is closed, Regina moves her hand to lift her hospital gown (and it's a real struggle) and looks at herself. There's a huge bandage on her left breast, which is bloody. That explains the pain in her chest.

Letting her arms fall at her sides, Regina closes her eyes for a moment. It's too much to understand, her head is aching again but she cannot risk and fall asleep again since there's no assurance that she'll wake up in the morning.

Robin sits on the chair beside her bed, takes her hand in his and squeezes it lightly. "It's alright, Regina. Everything is going to be alright," he says making Regina turn her face to the side so she can face him. There are tears at the corners of his eyes but he quickly blinks them away and gives her a watery smile, "You're here now. And this is true."

He leans over and presses his lips against her. Regina sighs in relief, it feels like everything's fallen into its places. But just as she starts to enjoy the feeling on his lips against hers, he pulls away making her whine.

"I missed you so much," He tells her and now his lips are against her hand, kissing it over and over again.

Regina has a brief memory of Robin talking, telling her that he loves her while she was unconscious but she's not sure if it really happened or if it's just her imagination. She decides to ask about it later because right now she has more important questions to ask.

"So what's actually happened?" She asks, trying to roll on her side but the pain is too much and she decides that laying on her back will be okay. For now.

"Well, you were telling me about your decision and then you collapsed in my arms." He says and squeezes his eyes shut at the memory. "I thought you were dead, even doctors said there's no way to save a person whose heart stopped beating three times."

"Three times?"

" _Mhmm"_ Robin nods his head. "I thought I've lost you, Regina." He opens his eyes then and looks at her face. "Please, don't ever do that to me again," He says and this time he doesn't stop the tears that threaten to fall down his cheeks.

Regina feels her own eyes being filled with tears and if she'd be strong enough, she would hug Robin so tightly but instead she has to lie there and watch him suffering. "It's okay," she manages to whisper though the ball in her throat, "Come here," she tugs at his hand, inviting him to lie beside her. She really needs a hug right now.

"Sorry," He murmurs straightening on the chair but Regina tugs at his hand again. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable or even worse, hurt you accidentally." His words make tears fall down Regina's cheek, she doesn't even know why she's crying.

Robin huffs and takes a deep breath, stretching his hand out to wipe away her tears. She closes her eyes when his warm hand comes in contact with her cheeks, telling herself to calm down because every shaky breathe hurts, a lot.

It takes them a long while to calm down, but when they finally do, they're both tired. It's hard for Regina to keep her eyes open, and everything hurts again, she's very tired. Robin seems to see it because he releases her hand and stands up to fix her blanket.

"Sleep," he tells her, leaning over and pecking her lips again.

"Don't leave me alone," she whispers and when Robin assures her that he wouldn't even dream of it, she falls asleep peacefully.

(…)

Henry always wanted to visit the Enchanted Forest. Since the day he found out the truth about his family, he was fascinated by that realm. And truth be told, he has always dreamt to be here without Regina and her black magic.

But now, when he's here in the palace, sitting in her room, on her bed, he wishes she would be here with him. He misses her everyday, blames himself for everything that has happened to her but Mary Margaret keeps telling him that it's not his fault. He doesn't believe her.

He comes here every day and looks at her things, tries to understand her better while his family is trying to find a way back to the Land Without Magic because of Zelena's, Regina's sister's, threats. The green woman is scary and her goal at the moment is to steal Henry – he knows for she's tried to do it several times already – and Emma insists that he stays in the palace with guards while they work on escaping this awful place.

Henry knows that they're stuck, that they couldn't find anything.

So he comes here every day to pass the time in hopes that if they can't come back and he'll never be able to find Regina, at least he will know her better. He didn't bother to know her when she was right by his side, he spent that time hating her, but now, when she's somewhere in the other world, he wants to know and understand her.

He sits on her bed, opens the diary he's found in one of the drawers and starts reading it. With every page his eyes widen and widen, and there are times when he has to stop because the tears are blocking his vision.

When he reaches the last page, he understands that his mother is not evil, she's far from it. The people that are his family are evil for leaving her alone in that world, for not giving her a second chance.

Henry falls asleep on her bed that night with a promise to find a way to come back to Regina and fix everything him and his family have done wrong.

(...)

Thoughts?


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Hello, everyone! Thank you for still reading, favoriting, following and reviewing!

One thing I want to let you know: the timelines of Regina's life and Enchanted Forest are not the same. That will make sense in the future.

Hope you still like! :)

(...)

Regina is exhausted. It sounds quite funny when all she did today was sit-up in bed but for her recovering body it was enough. Now all she can do is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling (sleeping is out of options, the nightmares are back and each of them is worse than before, she decides to sleep as little as possible that, of course, is not helping to get better at all).

She sent Robin home because he was spending all his time with her, and he needs to rest, to see him son – even the thought of Roland makes Regina's heart ache, she's missed the boy so much – and she needs time to think about everything what'd happened, for example why her heart stopped beating three time or why she was in coma for the whole month.

But now, when she's all alone, she comes to a realization that it's not a good thing to be left with the thoughts. They're getting the best of her, making her doubt everything, over-think every single thing and choice she's done and she doesn't want that, at least not now. The physical pain is enough; she doesn't need to be hurt mentally.

The sound of door being opened snaps her out of her dark thoughts and puts a smile, tired smile on her face. She tries to sit up a bit to see who's here but the sharp pain stops her, she's exercised too much today, it seems, so instead she turns her head to the side, hopes that it's Robin.

She's more than surprised to find Robin not alone – he's carrying Roland who's grown up a lot during that month she was unconscious. The boy holds a bouquet of red roses that looks too big in his tiny hands, grinning from ear to ear as he stares down at Regina.

"Hello," Robin says quietly and leans over to peck her lips. It makes butterflies fly in Regina's belly and she feels so silly, like a teenager – she blames medicine for making her feel like that. She fights her embarrassment and murmurs a 'hi' in return, shifting a bit on this uncomfortable bed. "Roland and I brought you something in hopes that it'll make you feel better, or at least smile," he tells her.

Regina smiles, and lifts her head from the pillow to take a better look of the flowers, says, "Thank you, you didn't need to."

A smile on Robin's face matches hers as he leans closer and whispers something into Roland's ear. The boy becomes serious for a moment before he turns to Regina and squeals, "Gina," then turns to his Papa with a huge grin on his face.

Tears fill Regina's eyes as she looks at them. He's finally learned her name. When she left, Roland didn't speak much, he called her 'Na' and Robin 'Pa' but that was all. Everything else he said was a babble which only he could understand, but now he's two and half, and a month means a lot when you're this age, and Regina cannot help but wonder what else she missed when she wasn't there.

"Hi, Roland," She says, stretching her arm out to touch his small hand.

Roland squirms in Robin's arms, wants to be released and be on bed with Regina but Robin shakes his head and holds the boy tighter. "Regina is sick, Roland," Robin explains, putting Roland on the chair beside her bed. "You have to stay here," He tells his son and the boy pouts but listens to his father and sits down on the chair.

Robin puts the flowers into the water and while his back is turned to them, Regina motions for Roland to come on her bed. She missed the boy and while she's too weak to hug him properly, she will definitely let him lay with her.

Roland's face lifts up with excitement as he climbs on the bed and the movement makes Regina's chest ache but she concentrates on the boy in front of her and when Roland is safe on bed, he throws himself into Regina's embrace.

A gasp of pain escapes her as she wraps her arms around Roland, sudden movements are the worst, and Roland is not so light anymore on her injured chest. It makes Robin turn around from the sink with a frown and when he spots Roland on the bed with Regina he opens his mouth to protest but Regina shushes him with just one look, assuring that it's fine.

It's more than fine.

Roland pulls away from her hug and cuddles into her side, his head rested on her chest. It's hard to breath for her but she doesn't push the boy away, just holds him close to her heart.

Robin comes back and puts a vase on the nightstand, then sits down on the chair. Regina smiles at him and stretches her arm a bit so she can take hold of his hand. Robin squeezes her hand, a warm smile on his face and in that moment Regina realizes that she has a family now.

No matter how broken she is, she couldn't be happier.

(…)

It's been a month since Regina came back home. She'd stayed in the hospital for two weeks, and just because she'd almost begged her doctor to release her, her wish was granted. Even though she spent the next month in bed, it was way better than staying in the hospital.

Robin refused to let her get out of the bed, the only times she could do it was to use bathroom. For days she did nothing, just lied in bed – Robin's bed, he'd gave away his room for her – and watched TV, read books and journals.

Roland had a new babysitter for awhile, Robin forbade Regina to look after the boy while she was still very sick and at first Regina's been furious, she even refused to talk to him for a day or two because she claimed that she could take care of a child but then she calmed down and agreed that he was right and she was just being emotional.

That whole month gave them time to figure out some things. They could do nothing but talk and they used those days and nights for long talks about everything, she got to know Robin even better, and he found out some new things about her too (not that there was much to find out since she didn't know anything about herself as well). It was good for them, and they got closer and closer with each passing day. The things between the two of them were serious and Regina knew that no matter what happened, she wouldn't leave Robin. She loves him and he loves her back just as much.

So it's been the whole month since then and she feels better now, can sit up on her own, tries to spend as little time in bed as possible. She walks around the apartment, plays with Roland, she's even convinced Robin that she's capable of taking care of Roland on her own again.

Everything feels okay but, of course, Robin's still overprotective. He forces her to lie down during the day, tells her not to do anything. That's why they gave most of their disagreements. And this time isn't an exception.

"Robin, I'm not going to stay in this apartment forever," Regina states, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She regrets the action immediately, the pain in her chest still sharp, it makes her groan.

The whole disagreement started with a simple request – Regina wanted to go outside. She hasn't been outside for far too long, and she feels better now, strong enough to take a walk around the park not far from their home. It's a beautiful Sunday and it's a shame to spend it inside.

"See," Robin gives her a look when she drops her arms to her sides. "You're not going anywhere. And that's the end of discussion."

Regina groans as she sits down on the couch in the living room, sending him a dead glare.

"I'm not going to break, you know," she says when she calms down. Moving a bit closer to him, she continues, "Robin, I feel better with each day. You'll not keep me here forever, so why don't we try to get back to the life we had before?"

He turns his head to the side so he can face her, and she uses that moment to put her hand on his, squeezing it lightly. There's fear in his eyes, he's told her how much she scared him, how afraid he was of losing her and how much she means to him over and over again, and she understands that fear, it would be unbearable pain to lose someone you love again, but she cannot be in here forever. She needs to move on, to recover and Robin needs to do the same.

"Fine," He finally murmurs under his nose, making Regina wonder if he wanted her to hear that. She beams at him and then throws herself into his embrace, surprising him, but oh, he has no idea how much it means to her. Robin wraps his arm around her and tells her, "But you have to tell me if something feels wrong or it starts to hurt and we go home immediately. Do we have a deal?" He asks and Regina nods immediately, lifting her head to kiss his cheek.

"Roland, come on, we're going outside," She says, pulling away from Robin and the boy squeals, leaves his toys on the floor and runs towards her.

After ten minutes the three of them are standing in front of the door and Robin is still frowning. Regina sighs, walks up to him and pecks his lips one more time, assuring him that she's fine and just then he huffs but doesn't comment, locks the doors and their journey begins.

(…)

Robin's arm is wrapped around Regina's lower back protectively, keeping her warm, as he walks her down the sidewalk of the park slowly while Roland is running in front of them. Regina feels weak and light-headed, and she's more than thankful for Robin's arm supporting her.

Maybe going outside wasn't a good decision, after all. It's one thing to walk around the apartment, and the other thing outside.

She sighs and presses herself more into Robin's side, breathing deeply.

All of a sudden her vision becomes black. She stops dead in her track as another flashback runs through her mind. This time it's about her being pressed against the hard stone while someone holds a knife against her throat and shouts that he's going to kill the Evil Queen and free everyone.

It has her shaking, pulling away from Robin a bit. It's impossible, she's not the Evil Queen, and the place she sees in those visions is not this world, it's something different, and that just cannot be true. It confuses her for it feels way too real but how can it be?

She lifts her hand and touches her throat where moments ago she saw blood. If the vision would've been true, there would be a scar but there's nothing. So that's not true. It's just her imagination. She needs to calm down and breathe.

"Regina?" Robin asks, his voice filled with anxiety as he turns her towards him and makes her look at him.

She feels disorientated for a moment, her eyes unfocused. She tells herself to breathe, just deep inhale and exhale, nothing more. And it works, a few seconds later she finds Robin's eyes and their gazes lock together as his hand tightens on her arm.

"I'm fine," she insists though her voice is shaking.

"You're pale," He observes. But who couldn't be pale if they saw themselves being killed? "I think we should head home, okay?" He says and she nods her head. She has no desire to walk anymore. All she wants to do is go back home and curl on the bed until the visions are gone from her mind.

(…)

Snow White is sitting in the council room with her hand on her still invisible bump, rubbing it anxiously. After months of trying to figure out what Zelena wanted from them, they finally did and now she wishes they haven't.

It's not the curse that scares her the most, no. It's the ingredients because one of them is her baby. She'd found out she was pregnant just two weeks ago and decided to keep it a secret for awhile but now when they know Zelena's plans, all the excitement is gone, she understands that her secret wasn't a secret at all and there's very high chances that she won't raise this child as well.

Everyone agrees that they need to protect the baby at all costs, but they can't do it here, not when they're surrounded by enemies and people they cannot trust. The only way to win this fight is to go back to Storybrooke and find Regina somehow. Regina is their only anchor right now – she's the only one who could destroy the Wicked Witch.

Squeaking sound echoes around the room as Snow stands up from the chair and storms out of the council room, rushes to the library that once upon a time belonged to her father. Regina used to spend hours in there when she was still living in the palace and Snow is sure that there has to be a clue how to cross the realms.

When she enters the library, a gasp of surprise leaves her when she finds Henry laying on the cold floor, a book tucked in his arms. He's sleeping. She approaches him as quietly as possible, leans over to take the book from his hands. Her eyes widen when she sees that it's not a simple book. It's a diary. Regina's diary.

Quickly, Snow White closes it and puts it on the table with a promise to never read it. She wakes Henry up then and walks him to his room, assures him that everything is fine and when the boy finally falls back to sleep, she makes her way towards her chambers.

But curiosity winds.

She finds herself in the library, sitting on the cold floor with a diary in her hands.

(...)

Thoughts?


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Hello, everyone! Here's the 10th chapter, and I think it's the middle of the story! I want to thank every single one of you for sticking with me for so long, thank you for reading, favoriting, following and reviewing!

I hope you still enjoy it!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT characters

(...)

On a quiet Sunday evening, Regina finds herself curled up on the couch in the living room with a book she's got from Robin and Roland for her anniversary of living with the Locksleys men for three years. She enjoys reading so much, found that out at the early stage of her new life with Robin.

Every evening she would make sure that Roland is asleep and then she would go to the balcony or on the very cold winter nights she would use a couch in the living room and read a book. And after three years of such a routine – there were many nights when she didn't read at all like the ones she spent in the hospital – she's already lost count of the books she's read.

So while Robin and Roland are out in the store, she reads.

However, her reading is interrupted by the door opening. There's no usual sound of laughter or a very loud conversation between father and son, it's way too quiet for them. Anxiously Regina puts the book aside, already thinking the worst – there are so many things that could happen.

But when Roland walks into the room, the situation turns upside down, all her fear forgotten. Her jaw drops open in surprise as she takes in the boy: he's dressed in a small black tuxedo with a white button-down shirt, holding a single red rose in his hand. He looks so cute, it should be illegal.

Roland walks further into the room and bows in front of Regina like a real knight. "Ms. Regina," he says, giving her a rose, "I would like to invite you to a date."

Regina's eyes widen in surprise at Roland's words, she's stunned for a moment, looking at the boy with confusion written all over her face. She wants to laugh at him and ask what's he's doing but then she wants to ask where Robin is and what's the hell happening here.

At the end, she ends up muttering, "What?"

"We have only half an hour to get ready until the car will be here," Roland explains when Regina finally brings herself to move and takes the rose from his hand. He walks to the couch and climbs on it, then turns to her and says, "Papa asked me to be good and let you get ready." His announcement makes Regina smile a little even in her shock. Roland smiles back, turns on TV and goes through the channels in order to find some cartoons to watch.

"Where's Papa?" Regina forces herself to recover and asks still very confused. The two of them went out for groceries shopping, dressed in their casual clothes with a promise to bring her her favorite ice-cream. And now, out of a blue Roland appears dressed in a tuxedo with a rose and an invitation to some unknown date.

Is she dreaming?

"Papa will meet us there," Roland replies not turning his attention from the screen. "Oh, I almost forgot!" The boy exclaims, this time turning to Regina with wide brown eyes, "Papa said your red dress will be fine for this date!"

A small smile appears on Regina's face. Although the dress is nothing fancy or very beautiful, just a simple red dress covering most of her skin, Robin's told her time and time again how good she looked that night in it and that it's a shame she wore the dress just one time.

Shaking her head to herself, Regina forces herself to come back to reality. It's obvious that Robin's thought of everything and that he wants to have a real date with her – he's told her that millions of times, that if Regina would let him, he would take her on a date every single evening but he'd never got a permission, just an assurance that she doesn't need dates, she's happy just like this – but at least he could tell her. There was no need to make such a big deal out of it.

But well, if he insists.

She turns to the clock and shit! She has less than 30 minutes to get ready!

Not wasting another minute, she tells Roland to wait her there and rushes to the bathroom. Suddenly she's so nervous and confused and happy at the same time, she has to stop doing everything and just breathe for a moment to get her emotions under control.

Her shower is a record – it doesn't take 5 minutes. After drying and brushing her hair, Regina puts on mascara and lipstick, then rushes to the bedroom to find the dress. She finds the shoes that she wore for Robin's birthday too; they're high-heeled but if he dressed his son in tuxedo, she thinks that it should be rather fancy date and her heels shout fit just fine.

When she's ready and emerges from the room, she finds Roland right where she left him: in front of TV, watching "Spongebob Squarepants". Roland grins when he sees her, tells her that she's very pretty and then they turn off TV together, lock the door and walk down to find the car already waiting for them.

She expected a cab.

Once again, she was wrong.

Will that man ever stop surprising her?

A black luxury car is parked in front of them – she's doesn't know the mark, she's not good at that yet – and there's a driver who holds the door open for her. Regina cannot help but let out a small chuckle at the absurdity of the situation, feeling so silly but so happy at the same time.

She greets the driver and sits inside, Roland following right behind her. The door is closed behind them and the driver is back in the car in no time, telling them to put on their seatbelts and enjoy the ride. The peaceful music surrounds the atmosphere and the driver starts the car.

"Where are we going, Roland?" Regina asks, turning away from the window to look at the boy who's looking at her with big, wide eyes filled with happiness. Her own eyes fill with tears as she takes Roland's hand and squeezes – she's never seen the boy this happy.

"Oh, it's a surprise," is all what Roland says, offering a huge grin in return. Regina chuckles at him and turns to look out of the window again.

She feels like a queen.

(…)

The ride isn't too long, it doesn't take longer than 10 minutes and the car stops in front of one of the most expensive restaurants in town. Regina makes a mental note to give Robin a talk about wasting his money on a car even though she could just walk here and another talk about wasting his money on restaurants when they can have very delicious homemade food.

But Robin likes surprises, she's known it for a long time.

Regina snaps back to reality and thanks the driver. When the car is driven away, she sighs and looks down at Roland, who's smiling from ear to ear, it looks like he's going to explode from delight. Why is he so excited? What did Robin think when he arranged all of this? What's it all about?

The train of questions is ceased by Robin's quiet and very welcoming voice. "Good evening," he says in a greeting. Regina looks up from Roland to find his very handsome father standing in front of her, dressed exactly the same as Roland – a black tuxedo, a white button-down shirt. The only difference between their appearances is that Roland was holding one rose and Robin's holding a whole huge bouquet of them.

"You look stunning," he tells her as he walks closer to her making a blush cover her cheeks. "This is for you," he gives her flowers and Regina takes it automatically, all words stuck in her throat as she stares at him not even blinking.

She feels dumbfounded, confused and over the moon. What's happening? Did she miss an important occasion or something?

All of a sudden Robin's lips are on hers and she's stunned for a moment, they don't kiss in front of Roland much, the boy's still very young and he thinks that it's _yuk_ but it looks like the rules have changed. She kisses him back, wrapping her free arm around his neck in order to hold him closer.

When they pull away, tears are threatening to fall down her cheeks but she tries to keep them at bay, tells herself to breathe. She's so happy, there are no right words to describe how she's feeling right now. And damn it, it's a very good feeling.

"Thank you," she says in a shaky voice, tightening her arm around the flowers.

"I love you," he leans over and kisses her again. This time the kiss is short because Roland is getting tired of their affection, groaning and looking away from the adults.

"What's it all about?" Regina asks when she finally puts her emotions under control and is able to talk without a shaking voice.

"We just wanted to have a nice dinner with you at some very fancy place," Robin shrugs in answer making Regina chuckle quietly. He takes her hand then, bows a little, "Milady."

Regina rolls her eyes at him but lets him walk her to the table, Roland walking beside her with a small pout for Robin is holding one of her hands and her other is occupied with flowers and he has no hand to hold. She feels bad for a moment but then they reach the table and Roland is sitting beside her, grinning now, and it's all forgotten.

The table is round and not huge with three chairs. There's a vase for flowers and Robin puts them into the water for Regina, telling her to stop thinking about everything and just enjoy their evening. She nods at him, though there are still millions of questions running through her mind.

They order the food and talk about everything and anything, joke and laugh and smile and Regina still doesn't understand what's it all about but it looks like Robin's not giving her any answers tonight so she silences her thoughts and concentrates on Robin, Roland and this amazing conversation they're having.

When they finish eating, Robin orders a dessert and Regina doubts she could even take a bite of it. She doesn't remember the last time she ate that much but the food was so delicious. Okay, maybe they could come here from time to time.

"Is it time?" Roland asks curiously, shifting on his chair.

Confused, Regina looks at the boy, when at Robin who nods his head.

"I want to talk first," Roland announces, almost jumping on his chair from excitement. Robin nods his head again – there's no way to stop Roland now. The boy grins, takes a deep breath and starts, "We like to live with you very much, Regina," he inhales, all of a sudden he's nervous, and continues, "and you cook very delicious meals and play with me and teach me things and love me and read to me and sing. You're like a mama to me. I love you, Regina."

Regina has to blink her eyes to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. "I love you too, my little knight," she says, giving him a watery smile.

"What Roland is trying to say is-" Robin stops mid-sentence, now he's the one shifting on his chair nervously, takes a deep breath, "-we cannot imagine our lives without you. You became a part of our family the very same minute you stepped into our apartment." He stretches his hand out to touch her hand over the table. "I love you with all my heart and I love to watch you every morning while you sleep. I love when you're angry at me because you look so cute then or when you're sad and all you need from me is a hug to make you feel better. I simply cannot imagine my life without you."

Regina's eyes are full of tears again and she curses herself for being such an emotional person but what other reaction can she have when she hears the man she loves so damn much tell how that he loves her just the same.

The waitress chooses that time to come with the dessert and puts it in front of Regina. She blinks the tears away and takes the plate of ice-cream and other very tasty things to push towards Roland – he's the one who always likes to eat these things – when she spots a ring on the middle of the plate.

Her hand falls away as she looks at Robin with wide eyes and he grins in response.

"Will you marry me, Regina Mills?"

Regina's whole world stops turning.

Everything stops.

Everything becomes silent.

All she can see is the man she loves standing in front of her, and then he's on one knee, taking her shaky hand from her lap and waiting for an answer. Tears start rolling down her cheeks, her whole body shaking as she forces herself to kneel beside him. She throws herself into his embrace, kissing his cheek and lips and shaking and smiling, whispering 'yes' over and over again.

People from the restaurant are looking at them, whispering and applauding when Robin puts a ring on her hand, his hands shaking just as much as hers. He pulls her into a tight hug them, kissing her and telling her that she's just made him the happiest man alive.

In a moment Roland is with them, and they pull him into a hug and then he's crying too and that's the tears from happiness.

They're going to be a real family.

Regina's life couldn't be more perfect.

(…)

Eavesdropping isn't Henry's thing. Well, he has done that many times with Regina when the town was still under the curse in order to get some answers and now he's glad that he has some practice in this. He needs to do it again since everyone keeps the truth from him and he doesn't know what the hell is happening with everyone.

He presses his body against the wall, his breathing labored – he has run the whole way here and almost been caught by Grumpy – as he tries to make out what Emma is saying. She says something about Zelena who's threatening them again, this time to take not only Snow's baby but also Henry just because she can, when she says something about her practice with the blue fairy and then she says the words that breaks Henry's world.

"And am I right to say that we're giving up the idea of coming back to Storybrooke and finding Regina?" Emma asks, her voice confident.

"Yes, we don't work on it anymore," David assures. "We'll come back to it when we beat Zelena and our child is safe. Until then, we need to forget about her and focus on more important thing."

More important things? Regina was forced to leave her own town because of them, because of Henry, and they think that it's not enough? He feels burning anger filling him as he listens to others agree that the Queen would make it worse than it already is with her shows and dramas.

"What?" Henry cannot keep quiet anymore while these people talk horrible things about the woman whose life they made a living-hell. He walks into the council room, anger burning in his eyes, palms turned into fists. "You think she's not important? You're giving up on her?"

"We gave up on her many years ago," someone says from the room and Henry feels his anger burning even more, his eyes filling with tears.

"Henry-" It's Snow who, as always, tries to make the situation better. But no, this time Henry's not going to listen to her lies, he won't let her fool him.

"No!" He shouts, shaking his head. "I HATE YOU ALL!" he screams at them and then turns around and runs from them as far away as he can.

Tears are running down his cheeks when he locks himself inside _her_ room, pressing his back against the door. He pulls his knees to his chest, wraps his arms around them and rocks himself back and forth, trying to stop that destroying pain of betrayal.

After an hour, he's still sitting on the floor but the tears are no longer rolling down his cheeks, he's sitting there emotionless, looking around the room which used to be his mother's prison, feeling like he should just stay here forever so he could be close to her.

But then his eyes catch something on her dresser, it's a bottle with something and that's it. Henry knows how to come back to Regina.

(...)

Thoughts?


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Thank you all for reading, favoriting, following and reviewing! You all are amazing! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! :)

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT characters.

(...)

They decided not to rush. Being engaged seemed amazing, they promised each other to enjoy every moment of it; every moment of being together. And they did enjoyed their time, their love, their life for a few months, they didn't mention the wedding but then, one night, Regina said that she really couldn't and didn't want to wait any longer to be his wife, Mrs. Locksley.

Robin agreed immediately, he'd wanted her to become his wife as soon as possible but he couldn't push her, he saw how confused she was sometimes over something that she didn't want to share with anyone and when she finally voiced her wishes to be his wife, Robin was ecstatic.

After long hours of conversations and planning, Regina and Robin decided to get married in June. It meant they still had six months left to prepare for everything, not that there was much to do – they decided to have small wedding, just the closest friends of Robin were invited, and Regina flatly refused to have a honeymoon.

She also refused to wear a white wedding dress. She thought it didn't fit her now, when she definitely wasn't pure and there was a possibility that she was already married and the nightmares she was still having ensured her that a white dress was actually a bad decision – she dreamt of her wedding with some old man with a crown and even the thought of it made her shiver. So she chose a light blue strapless dress that reached the ground and looked just as beautiful as a real wedding dress would've looked.

The time passed unnoticed and when the wedding day had finally came, Regina was ecstatic and nervous at the same time. She couldn't fall asleep the night before; all she could do was think about Robin and Roland and the life they could create together.

It was going to be perfect.

And their wedding was definitely perfect. Regina looked like a real Queen in her blue dress with light blue hydrangeas in her hands and Robin looked like her Prince Charming, standing at the end of the aisle dressed in a white tuxedo, a huge smile on his face. Regina was almost shaking during the whole process, and when Robin had finally kissed her, she was over the moon.

When Robin pulled away and everyone around them started applauding, tears filled Regina's eyes and Robin's eyes matched hers – glassy but these tears were from happiness, pure happiness.

That moment she remembered that day when she'd wandered down those narrow streets after she'd been released from hospital, how she'd thought that she didn't want to live this life, that she didn't belong here and that she was going to die anyway, and death seemed like a good thing back then. But now, when she was kissing the love of her new life, she knew that everything what had happened back then happened for a reason, and for a good one.

Their wedding party was held in a restaurant, the very same restaurant where months ago they got engaged. The place's huge and they chose the corner of it in order to have some privacy, the musicians have been invited as well, so most of the time Regina spent dancing: from slow dances with her husband to fast and crazy ones with Roland.

Eventually they got tired, Roland's whined and asked to be picked up because his little legs hurt and he couldn't dance anymore. Regina did it without a second thought, and now she's slowly moving from side to side with the boy who calls her Regina but thinks of her as his mother. Her heart flutters at the thought.

When she turns around, she catches Robin's eyes locked on her, it seems that he admires her from afar. When he catches her gaze, he winks at her and Regina replies with a smile.

This moment she understands that there's no way to be happier.

Her life before Robin may have been good (not that she remembers), but nothing could be better than now. She feels at home with him, with them; her heart belongs with the Locksleys and nothing or no one could ever change it, not even the return of her memories.

She's startled by Robin's warm hand on her lower back – she's been deep in thoughts again. He pulls her closer to him, leaves a small kiss on her lips. "You've been frowning, my love," he states.

Regina inhales deeply, smiles and assures him that she's very happy. Obviously Robin wants to ask something but he resists; instead grins at her before telling her, "We need to go, Mrs. Locksley."

Robin's statement has Regina's eyes widening. "Where?" she asks, surprised, curiosity written all over her beautiful face.

"I have a honeymoon surprise for you!"

"Robin," she whines, shaking her head. "I told you there's no need to waste your money on something like that, I'm happy without a honeymoon."

"I didn't," he assures and leans over to kiss her again. His arm tightens around her lower back and she's the one deepening the kiss. It has Roland groaning from his position in her arms, he turns his head to the side and rests it on Regina's shoulder so he doesn't have to watch his father and his Regina kissing.

"Where are we going?" Regina asks when Robin pulls away to take a breath. "Oh, and is this little one going with us? 'Cause if he's not, then I'm not going too," she adds, feeling Roland shift in her arms so he can look at her again.

"Of course I'm going," Roland says as if it couldn't be the other way. He then looks at his papa happily and smiles, "And it's a surprise, papa, don't tell her."

Robin assures him that he would never spoil her all the fun in finding out what they have prepared for her. "I love you," Robin whispers then against her lips and kisses her one last time before taking Roland from her arms and taking her hand in his. "Let's go say goodbye to everyone and then we can go."

(…)

When they finally arrive to the place where they're going to spend their honeymoon, Roland is sleeping at the backseat with his mouth half opened. Regina is drifting in and out of slumber as well, and just when Robin presses his lips against her, she forces her eyes to open and straightens in her seat, yawning.

"We arrived," he says quietly, chuckling when Regina yawns again.

The ride was really long and she's really tired from all the dancing, traveling and getting married, and she didn't have any sleep the night before so she smiles a little at Robin's words: at least she's going to be able to sleep soon.

Robin gets out of the car and walks around to open the door for Regina like a true gentleman. Sleepily she laughs at him but feels flattered, so when she's out of the car she rewards him with a soft kiss on the lips. It's hard for them to stay away from each other today, it seems.

Regina looks around and a huge smile spreads across her face – they're at the beach house. Nothing fancy but something very romantic indeed. Robin smiles as well as he takes her hand and walks her further into the yard, showing her around.

For awhile it's all they do: walk around the beach, wrapped in each other's arms until it's so late and both of them are ready to go inside.

Their wedding night is not as perfect as they expected it to be. The beach house is huge and there's plenty of room for everyone but it's Roland's first time sleeping not at home and when the situation between the newlyweds gets hotter and hotter, they are interrupted by steps in the halfway and shouts for Robin. And just like that the night that should've been filled with passion and love and some very pleasuring activities turns out to be a quiet night with a four-year-old sleeping between the couple.

(…)

The cold sweat is covering Regina's whole body and she's shivering though it's hot in the room as her eyes snap open and she quickly glances around the room. Sighing she relaxes onto the bed; she's with Roland and Robin, she's safe.

It was just a nightmare, another nightmare about her other wedding, the wedding she hopes never happened, magic wedding where she was forced to marry that old man with that stupid crown and annoying daughter.

Rolling onto her side, Regina faces peacefully sleeping Roland who's cuddling into his papa's side and Robin who has a hand wrapped around his son as well, holding the boy in a protective manner. She sighs, tells herself to calm down because she's safe with the two of them and go back to sleep but the nightmare has shaken her up too much.

She realizes that sleep is out of options and slowly gets out of the bed, walks out of the room. She needs some fresh air.

Wrapping a blanket from Roland's room around herself, she walks out of the house and finds herself walking towards the beach. It's quiet around here, not a single soul is out there and Regina relaxes a bit, happy that she'll have some time alone.

When she reaches the water and it hits her toes, she smiles to herself inhaling deeply. It's going to be okay, she assures herself, closing her eyes, and lets the breeze and waves wash over her, help her relax.

"Are you okay?" Robin's voice from behind her startles her, she hasn't heard when he came here but when his arms wrap around her waist from behind, she relaxes into his embrace, rests the back of her head against his shoulder, sighs.

"Yes, just had a bad dream. Needed some fresh air to clear my head," she murmurs quietly, enjoying Robin's arms around her.

Her husband nods from behind and then kisses her cheek, her jaw, that sweet spot just below her ear that makes her shiver, then down to her neck, making Regina close her eyes and almost purr. He knows how to make her relax, how to clear her head and he's definitely going to do it now.

One of his arms leaves her waist and travels up and up until he has one breast in his hand, massaging it and squeezing, making Regina inhale sharply, bite her bottom lip to stop herself from moaning.

"What are you going?" she gasps when he starts sucking at that sweet spot on her neck again and his hand keeps its attention on her breasts. When Robin murmurs "isn't it obvious?" into her neck, Regina lets out a quiet moan that it followed with a shake of her head. "Robin, we can't do that here," she tries to sound serious, she really does.

She fails.

Her sentence ends with another moan and then Robin's pulling away and taking that blanket from her shoulders. He throws the blanket on the sand and takes her hand, tugs at it until they're both sitting on said blanket, staring into each other's eyes.

And then Robin's kissing her again, and she's laying down on her back as Robin's hovers above her, kissing her lips until she's breathless, then down to her neck and shoulder and down, down, down…

Their wedding night is not that bad after all.

(…)

"I want something what would remind me of you two," Robin says as they walk down the sidewalk. Roland is between them, one hand in Robin's hand, other in Regina's, swinging their hands, smiling from ear to ear and in a good mood because he's had a good sleep that night with Robin and Regina (he doesn't know that he's sent half the night alone since they were too busy in the beach). "So I'm going to get a tattoo," Robin adds and Regina's eyes widen in surprise as Roland squeals in excitement.

"Robin, you're crazy," Regina states as they finally stop in front of a tattoo salon. When they'd left the house, Robin assured her that they're going to have quiet lunch in the town's restaurant but it turns out that he's had other plans.

"I've always wanted to get a tattoo," Robin shrugs as he opens the door for Regina and Roland. "You two can choose what kind of tattoo I should get," he adds as they walk inside and a tattoo artist greets them and hugs Robin. Another friend, it seems.

Regina looks at Robin who's grinning at her, shakes her head before she sits down beside Roland on the leather armchair. The artist gives them a catalogue of tattoos and walks Robin to the chair at the other end of the room.

"Aren't you going to see the tattoos?" Regina asks Robin, when Roland starts turning pages.

"No, I trust you two."

Regina rolls her eyes, it's stupid to trust them with something this important because it's not like this tattoo is going to fade away after a year or a month but then she looks down at the catalogue and her eyes widen in surprise. There's a tattoo of a lion, and damn it, she's seen that tattoo in her dreams – nightmares. The faceless man who usually saves her from all kind of dangers has a lion tattoo on his arm.

"What do you think about this one?" Regina points to the tattoo and Roland's eyes lit up with delight as he nods his head, telling her that Papa's definitely going to get this tattoo. She smiles at that and gives the catalogue to the artist who nods his head and tells them to wait here.

When he's gone, Regina leans against the back of the armchair and smiles a little at herself. Now her faceless hero will have a face, and a handsome one.

(…)

It's past midnight when Robin comes back from Roland's room at the beach house. He looks conflicted somehow, nervous even, and Regina immediately puts the book she's been reading away (yes, she brought a book with herself to her honeymoon) and waits for her husband to sit down on the bed.

"Is everything alright?" she asks, moving closer to Robin who looks tensed.

He shrugs his shoulders and exhales before turning to look at her. "Roland just asked me something," he admits and when Regina encourages him to tell her what it is, he doubts but then sighs, nods his head and says, "He asked me if we're going to have another baby."

Regina's jaw drops open as she stares at her husband in disbelief. Yes, they've got married and yes, they plan to spend the rest of their lives together, but they have never ever talked about another baby. It seemed that Roland was enough for them.

"I have to admit," Robin says then, "that I've been thinking about it lately too. I was the only child in the family and it was awful, and I always thought that I'll have at least two kids but after what happened with Marian, I stopped thinking about that. And then you came into my life and brought these thoughts back into my head," he confesses, taking Regina's hand in this, his eyes full of hope.

She's shocked by his confession, she hasn't been thinking about another baby, the thought of it made her stomach drop because perhaps somewhere out there was a baby who was already hers and she had no memory of that.

"I know we haven't talked about it," Robin talks again and that's good for Regina cannot open her mouth, "but I would love to have a baby with you. You're my wife and a perfect mother figure for Roland and if you'd be okay with that…" he trails off, sighing. "But I know that I'm asking a lot, and it's your decision to make. If you don't want more kids, then I'm completely okay with that. Don't feel pressured." He assures her and she nods her head, what else can she do?

Robin smiles then and leans over to kiss her, and she relaxes immediately, wraps one of her arms around his neck in order to hold him close. He wants a baby with her, a real baby that would be theirs. She supposes it's a good thing, a baby would definitely turn their world upside down but changes are good sometimes.

She would probably need to think about it more but when they break the kiss to catch some air, Regina nods her head and whispers a breathless "okay" to which Robin answers with a few "are you sure" and when she assures him that yes, she's sure, she would love to have a baby with him, Robin kisses her again and all coherent thoughts leave her head.

(…)

The honeymoon ended way too quickly. These two weeks at the beach house were the most amazing time in Regina's whole life. But everything had the end and so had their honeymoon and that's how they find themselves back in their apartment with Robin in the kitchen preparing dinner for their little family while Regina's trying to catch a very hyper-active Roland and put him into the bath.

It's a comical situation when you think of it, it doesn't even feel like the real life but it is, it's her new life, and sometimes Regina has to pinch her own skin to make sure that it's not a dream, that it's true.

After minutes of running around, Regina finally catches Roland and the boy struggles to get out of her hold but she stops all his fighting with a promise of extra chocolate on his pancakes. She smiles at herself and hears Robin chuckling from the kitchen.

Their bathing time is interrupted by knock on the door. Regina tells Roland to wait her there, to play in the water for a bit and with his nod, she turns around and walks to open the door, wondering who could there be. They weren't expecting anyone.

There's another knock on the door before Regina reaches it. Someone is obviously impatient, and it makes Regina frown a little. She has no idea who is there and it makes her… nervous.

When Regina opens the door, she's met by the woman with blonde hair and green eyes. She looks about Regina's age and Regina's certain she's never seen her before but the woman feels so familiar, Regina cannot explain the feelings she's having. On one hand, it tells her that it's a good thing, that this woman is not dangerous, but on the other hand, she feels the urge to close the door into stranger's face and never see her again.

"Hello, Regina," the blonde's voice snaps Regina out of her thoughts and when she blinks her eyes and focuses on the stranger she finds the woman smiling.

Regina frowns then, realizing that this stranger just said her name. She knows her. Her heartbeat quickens as she tries to find her voice, tries not to stutter. "I'm sorry but I don't know you," Regina says, breathing deeply through her nose because there's a huge risk she's going to faint.

"I'm Emma," the mysterious woman says, "Emma Swan. Your friend."

(...)

Thoughts?


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I was blown away by your response to the last chapter! Thank you so much for reading, favoriting, following and reviewing! It means the world to me! THANK YOU! Kisses to everyone!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT characters.

(...)

Regina's never thought the conversation between two people who used to be friends could be so awkward. But now, when she's sitting at the table in the kitchen, in front of her supposed-to-be friend, she feels very uncomfortable. It shouldn't be like that, Regina thinks, there should be some invisible bond or something between them but there's just an awkward silence.

She regrets that she sent Robin away, asked him to take care of Roland's bath and let her deal with it on her own. She would like him by her side now, he would definitely start the conversation between the two ladies.

But he's not here.

She has to take the things in her own hands now.

Shifting on the chair, Regina clears her throat and looks down at the cup of coffee in front of her in order to calm her nerves. Then, taking a deep breath, she looks at Emma who's sitting there, calm, looking around the kitchen, her cup of coffee already half-empty.

Okay, Regina, get a grip. You need to talk.

"Do I have a husband or children? Parents?" she asks quietly, her hands wrapping around the cup and holding it tightly, trying to keep calm.

Her words get Emma's attention; the blonde looks straight into Regina's eyes for the first time since she's entered the apartment. "You're a widow," she replies easily, taking a sip of her coffee while Regina sighs in relief – at least she doesn't have two husbands. "You don't have children. Your parents are both dead, and you're the only child in the family, so you have no siblings."

Regina lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. No children – that's good, she wouldn't want to have a child she has no memory of. The absence of family explains why no one tried to find her. Her friends, if she had any in the life before, were probably too busy to search for her.

All of a sudden she feels so lonely. Perhaps it's not so bad that she doesn't remember anything; there's not much to remember.

"I know you have a lot of questions you want me to answer, but it's getting late now so I suggest that tomorrow we go back to our town. You could meet your other friends, we would explain everything to you. What do you think?" Emma asks, putting the cup on the table. "Maybe visiting places where you used to live would wake up your memory?"

Regina nods her head; yes, it's a good decision, it could help her. She would meet her other friends who may be more familiar (Emma doesn't seem familiar at all, she seems more like an enemy and Regina's mind is still telling her not to trust this woman).

But this Emma is the only chance to get the answers she wants so much. She has to take a risk and trust her.

When Regina nods again, Emma says, "I'll take you from here at 10AM," and stands up. A smile that looks forced forms on her face as Emma gives Regina a quick hug. "Well, see you tomorrow," she says and turns around to walk out of the kitchen.

When they are at the door, Emma turns around with a gasp. "Oh, I almost forgot," she opens her purse and looks through it, searching for something. After a few moments she pulls out a small bracelet and gives it to Regina, explains, "My son – he's your godson – missed you so much and asked me to give you this bracelet as soon as I see you. You're going to see him tomorrow, it would be amazing if you wear it."

"Okay."

Emma smiles one more time before turning on her heel and walking out of the apartment.

Regina closes the door behind her _friend_ and rests her forehead against it, sighing heavily. She's dreamt about this moment so many times, has imagined how happy she would be to find her family but now she feels… confused.

It wasn't supposed to be like that.

She was supposed to be ecstatic, happy and emotional, but instead of all these feelings, she feels lonely, sad and tired. She should go to bed and just forget about everything for tonight.

Strong arms wrap around her waist from behind as her husband kisses her shoulder. She sighs in relief, reminds herself that she's not alone in this, Robin will be with her in every step.

What would she do without him?

"Regina, are you crying?" he asks and just then she realizes that the tears are running down her cheeks. She hates herself for being this emotional mess, so she sniffles a bit as she tries to stop the tears, be the brave one.

Robin's arms tighten around her as his chin rests on her shoulder, his breath tickling her neck. She manages a quiet giggle between crying – she's very ticklish – and squirms in his embrace, wants to turns around and face him. "Are you okay?" he asks, loosening his grip on her so she can turn around, his voice serious.

"I-" she doesn't know how to answer this, what to say. There are feelings inside of her beyond description. She settles on telling him, "We're so happy together, Robin. I'm afraid this Emma's going to ruin everything."

Robin nods his head, and lifts his hands up to cup her face, his thumbs brush away the tears. "I don't think there is a thing that would stop me from loving you," he confesses earnestly.

Another round of tears follow his confession as Regina throws her arms around his neck, and asks herself for the million time what did she do to deserve this man.

When she calms down, they walk to the bedroom and curl up onto the bed, side by side, Robin's arms wrapped around Regina in a protective manner. Her head is rested against his heart as she stares at the wall in front of her, breathing heavily.

Why is it so hard?

"Do I have a competitor?" Robin's question makes her blink her eyes for a few times and pull away from him to look him in the eye. There's a smile tugging at the corners of his lips and Regina cannot help but chuckle.

"Not that Emma mentioned anyone," she replies and leans over to peck his lips. "But even if there was a man before you, I can assure you that he has no chance with me anymore. My heart belongs to you, Robin," she assures him and now it's Robin who's leaning over and kissing her again.

When he pulls away Regina is breathless, wicked ideas running through her head as she bits her lips, looking at him. "Now it's time for my queen to rest," Robin says instead of giving into her plans and with a roll of her eyes and a sigh Regina agrees, lies back beside him and closes her eyes.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day, and she needs rest indeed.

(…)

The ride to Storybrooke (who decided to call a town like that, Regina wonders) is long and boring. Emma doesn't talk much, it seems the woman's avoiding her, like she's hiding something very important from Regina, or perhaps she just doesn't like her.

She tries to push away all bad thoughts, tries to assure herself that it'll be fine, _she_ will be fine, she has nothing to be scared of. As hard as it is to believe it, Emma is her friend, she wouldn't hurt Regina, would she?

It's going to be okay. She's just being silly.

All of a sudden Emma stops the car, making Regina look around immediately. They've arrived, she realizes, she was so deep in thoughts, she hasn't even seen when they entered the town.

Emma gets out of the yellow beetle first and Regina follows immediately, gets out of the car and looks around again. The town is familiar, the clock tower, library, diner… She's seen it already somewhere, but where?

Her dream! When she was in coma, she saw her mother here, yes, definitely here! Her mind probably brought her back where she spent most of her life.

A few gasps snap her out of her thoughts and she finds people, who are walking down the street, stop and look at her with opened mouths, muttering something to each other.

She shifts her weight from one leg to another unconfidently and turns to Emma who offers an explanation, "You were a mayor of this town."

Then Emma leads her to some building, then up the stairs until they stop in front of the apartment. Without any words, Emma unlocks the door and walks inside, leaving the door open for Regina.

She steps inside too, closes the door behind herself. The apartment isn't very big, probably not bigger than Robin's. It looks quite cozy, Regina thinks, as she continues to study the place.

A shattering of something makes Regina turn her head to the side until she finds a woman behind the counter. Her eyes are wide, her mouth opened in surprise.

"Hello," Regina says awkwardly.

Before she knows it, the woman is walking, no, running, towards her and pulling her into a tight hug. It surprises Regina, she doesn't know how to react so she hugs the woman too and sighs – at least this friend is not as cold as Emma.

When the woman pulls away, Regina takes a better look. She looks a few years younger than her, with short brown hair and warm green eyes. She's not very tall and she's not very thin.. Oh, she's pregnant, Regina realizes.

"Congratulations," she says, hopes that it'll help to start the conversation.

The woman smiles, thanks. "I'm Mary Margaret," she introduces herself. "Thank you for coming."

Regina smiles in response, feeling a little bit better. This meeting went better than she expected. Sighing she turns around to find Emma walking down from the stairs (when did she go there?). Not knowing what to do, Regina decides to take off her coat, puts it on a hanger.

"Tea?" Mary Margaret offers, and Regina nods her head, smiles.

They sit down to the table, Emma beside Mary Margaret, Regina in front of them. The pregnant woman starts talking immediately, tells Regina about their first meeting, how she saved her from the horse, tells her about her husband, older than her but a very good man who loved her very much. She talks and talks and talks until the squeaking kettle cuts her off.

The tea is put in front of Regina immediately, and then Mary Margaret is back, asking her about her husband and her new life, about how she met him and how they fell in love. Regina replies to everything earnestly, telling her about Robin and Roland with a smile on her face.

When she takes a sip of her tea, she frowns – the taste is awful.

But then suddenly the cup falls from her hands and unbearable pain rushes though her head. She closes her eyes tightly, her hand covering her head, trying to make it stop, to make everything stop…

All of a sudden her memories come back to her, one by one, from the very childhood when she restrained by magic for the first time to the moment when she crossed the town line because her son hated her and there was nothing keeping her there anymore.

She opens her eyes and jumps from the chair as if burned, looks at Snow, then at Emma, her whole body shaking from the shock. Emma and Snow stand up too, but Regina takes a step back, one, then another until her back hits the wall.

"Don't come any closer," she hisses through clenched teeth, her hands stretched out in front of her for magic use in case these two idiots decide to do something to her.

Mary Margaret immediately takes a step back, a hand falling down over her bump, covering it in a protective way while Emma doesn't react at all, instead walks closer to Regina until she's in arms reach. If Regina would want to, she could rip Emma's heart out and crush it just by stretching her arm.

And as much as she want to, she won't do it.

She's not that person anymore.

But wait? Who's she now?

She got her memories back. She's the Evil Queen. Emma is not a friend. She has a son. She's not a good person. How could Robin love her now?

She's suffocating here, needs to escape this place, be alone with her thoughts, fears and demons. She needs to clean her mind but when she glances at the door, she realizes there's no way she could reach it, she wouldn't be fast enough.

But she has magic.

She hasn't used it for more than four years, and oh, she missed that feeling. Smiling to herself, she waves her hand in the air and waits for a cloud of purple smoke to surround her.

She waits and waits, waves her hand again and waits…

Nothing happens.

It doesn't work. Her magic is not in her.

She shakes her hand and waves and groans and tries another spell and one more until her body is shaking and just then she sees it – a bracelet, the one that Emma gave her the day before as a present from her son, from Henry – and realization hits her.

This thing blocks her magic.

Angrily she tries to tear the bracelet but as soon as her fingers touch it, it starts burning her whole wrist. She cannot take it off!, she realizes. But she doesn't give up, she tries again and again and there's nasty mark on her wrist, she's sure, but she needs to take it off.

Why would Henry do this to her?

"You're only hurting yourself," Emma's voice gets Regina's attention. The blonde's taken a few steps back, she's leaning against the table in the middle of the room now. "I promise to take it off as soon as we can trust you."

But Regina doesn't give up. There has to be a way to tear it down. She's wore that thing before, in different form but the effect was the same, it made her weak and sick and she found a way to take it off. The problem is she was in such shock, she doesn't remember how she'd done that.

"Stop!" Emma's stern voice snaps Regina out of her thoughts, her fingers stop tearing the bracelet as she looks up at Emma. She's angry, feels weak and trapped, she wants to burn the house around them just to show that that's not the way you treat the Evil Queen.

But she can't.

Damned bracelet.

Regina forces herself to calm down, inhaling through her nose and inhaling through her mouth, and when she feels calm enough, she lets out a humorless chuckle and looks at Emma. "What's that supposed to mean, Miss Swan? I'm your prisoner now? You'll keep me locked here until I die or until you can sacrifice me or something?" She leans against the wall, her breathing harsh from all the trying.

She wishes Henry would be here. She would hug him and apologize for everything she's done.

But he's not here. He probably still hates her.

"Why don't you sit down so I can explain everything to you, your Majesty," Emma says with sarcasm as she sits down in her previous seat.

Regina isn't one to take orders but she's powerless here – of course she could fight but she's so tired now all she wants to do is go back to Robin, and if she wants to do that, she has to agree. Swallowing hard, she walks towards the table, sits down. Her eyes keep running from Snow to Emma as she thinks of all the ways she could escape this place and these people.

"We don't want to hurt you," Mary Margaret says as she takes a seat beside her daughter.

Regina rolls her eyes at that but doesn't comment. Maybe her silence will help things along and she'll be released soon.

"We need your help," Emma states making Regina let out a humorless chuckle. Of course they need her help, why would they risk bringing back the Evil Queen if they didn't need something from her. "It's your sister-"

"I don't have a sister."

"Will you shut up and listen for once in your life?" Emma growls, her eyes darkening.

Regina's taken aback by this kind of behavior, the Emma she's known wasn't this savage, she had her ups and downs but she wasn't this stranger. Trust be told, this Emma looks more broken than before. That's what magic does to people, Regina thinks bitterly.

"When we appeared back in the Enchanted Forest (-Regina opens her mouth in surprise but Emma shuts her up with one look-) we met the Wicked Witch. She claimed to be your sister. We don't know what she's planning but she's after my… Mary Margaret's baby and we figured out that you're the only one strong enough to beat her."

Regina has to fight the shock – finding out you have a sister is a surprise – to reply. "Oh, so that's why you've brought me here?" She asks, shaking her head in disbelief. Too many things have happened today, Regina feels her head starting to ache but she puts on her best mask and continues, "Miss Swan, I'm sorry to disappoint you – you won't get my help. If that's the only reason why I'm here, then I would like to go now. You can be calm; I will never show up again."

It's a lie. She doesn't want to go. She wants to find Henry and apologize to him, she wants to hug him or at least know that he's alright but instead of asking she stands up, her regal poise back – she has to admit she didn't missed it, she liked her life without being a Queen, her normal life – but Emma stands up too and shakes her head.

"There's something else," Emma says, sighing. Suddenly her whole appearance changes, she looks tired and sad when she turns to look at Mary Margaret who smiles sadly and nods her head. The blonde turns back to Regina who's looking at them with confusion written all over her face. What the hell has happened while she was away? "Come with me," is all Emma says before walking towards the stairs.

It's an amazing opportunity to escape, Regina thinks, Emma is far away and Mary Margaret wouldn't risk her baby and run after her, but something inside her, probably her black heart, forces her to follow Emma.

A gasp of shock mixed with surprise escapes Regina as her eyes catch the _something_ Emma wanted to show her. On the bed upstairs is Henry, her Henry, her little prince, laying there lifeless.

Everything around her becomes unbelievably quiet, all colors drain from her face as she rushes towards the bed, ignoring Emma shouts, and takes Henry into her embrace, touches his hand, cheek, forehead, but he doesn't react.

He's dead.

Her son is dead.

Tears fill her eyes as she stares at the body in front of her, and she cannot think anymore, she doesn't care that these two can see her weakness. How could Emma let Henry die? There should've been a way to protect him, Regina was supposed to be there and protect him, why did she always think about herself and let her beloved ones die?

Her little prince is dead.

How's she supposed to life now?

"He's under the sleeping curse," She hears a warm but pained voice and then there's a hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly in a comforting way. Regina rolls her shoulder to get that hand away from her and turns to look over her shoulder to Mary Margaret who's smiling sadly.

"Why doesn't Emma break it?" Regina asks, trying so hard to calm herself down.

"He cursed himself because of you," Emma says bitterly as she walks further into the room, sits on the edge of the bed and takes one of Henry's hands.

What? Did she hear right? Henry cursed himself because of her? Why would he do that?

 _Because the memories of you were too much for him, he couldn't live with all the hate he felt for you._

"Why?" she hears herself asking, her voice shaking as she turns back to her sleeping son.

"It was the only way to make us find a way to Storybrooke. He knew we would do everything to wake him up, and we did because you're here now," Emma replies, shifting on the bed. "So do it. Wake him up."

It seems unbelievable. Henry hated her. He told her so himself many times. And now these two are telling her that he cursed himself because of her, because he missed her… The thought that Henry loved her enough to curse himself and hope that one day she'll come back and wake him up makes her heart break.

Because she can't wake him up. There's no way.

"What are you waiting for?" Emma asks impatiently.

"I can't wake him," Regina murmurs under her nose, shaking her head. "As long as my heart is black, it won't work."

"Why don't you try it?" Now Emma is annoyed. "You lived your life like a good girl for four years, loved people around you and helped them, don't you think that could change you. Just do it."

"It can't work. It never works for me," Regina insists, shaking from the thought that her son is going to stay under the sleeping curse because she's an awful person, a villain, because her heart is black. A few years of normal, good life can't change a black heart.

"Try it!" Emma hisses through clenched teeth and if looks could kill, Regina would be dead by now.

Regina sighs, shaking her head but leans over anyway. She'll kiss him, he won't wake up, and then she'll try to find another way to bring him back. Yes. It'll be okay.

The heartbreak that she can't wake up her own son will be unbearable, but she has to do it.

It won't work. It won't work. It won't work.

How's she going to live without Henry if she fails?

It won't work.

Does she want to live without him?

It won't work.

Her life is nothing.

It won't work.

She should put herself under the sleeping curse. Maybe then they would be together.

It won't work.

When Regina's lips touch Henry's forehead, his eyes open.

(...)

Thoughts?


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thank you all for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing! It means a lot to me! :) I hope you still enjoy it!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT.

(...)

Henry is awake!

It worked!

She broke the curse.

But how?

She's the Evil Queen, the one and only who took countless innocent lives just because she could, tortured people and ruined entire kingdoms to get her revenge on Snow White. She's not capable of love, she's been told so way too many times.

And yet she managed to break a sleeping curse with true love's kiss on the human being who hated her.

How is it possible?

"Mom!" She hears a gasp of surprise from her little prince, from Henry, and relief fills her chest, makes her let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. He's awake, he's really awake and that's all that matters. "You did it!" He exclaims as he sits up in bed, smiling from ear to ear, and throws himself into her embrace.

Regina is quick to hug him back, her arms wrap around him tightly as she closes her eyes, exhales in relief. She doesn't remember the last time she held Henry like this, doesn't remember the last time he's hugged her because he wanted to. When she crossed the town line all those years ago, she was sure she would never experience that again. But here she is: back in Storybrooke with Henry in her arms. Oh, she missed it so much.

"I knew you'd save me," Henry says as he pulls away from her and looks up. There's a huge smile on his face and Regina manages a smile on her own which looks way too forced and fake but Henry's too happy to see that.

They're pulled out of their little bubble when Emma sits down on the other edge of the bed, pulls Henry into a tight hug. He doesn't look all too happy, something serious must have happened between them, Regina thinks, as Emma pulls away and tells him she loves him but then scolds him for being this stupid and putting himself in danger.

Regina's heart clenches as she looks at the scene in front of her: a few years ago she was the _bad_ mother who always scolded him for everything, grounded him and tried to make him stop believing but now she realizes that she's not that person anymore. She can't scold him now, it feels like she's lost all her rights on him.

Mary Margaret hugs him too but there's no lecture from her, she just smiles, tells him she loves him very much and that there was another way to come back to Storybrooke, they could've helped if he was willing to wait a little bit longer but Henry shakes his head, says that he couldn't wait anymore and his grandma nods in understanding. "I think we should leave the two of them to talk," Mary Margaret then says to Emma, putting her hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Emma doesn't look too happy with the idea of leaving Henry and Regina alone, she turns to the Queen and sends her a glare, making Regina roll her eyes: as if she would want to hurt her own son. Then, shaking her head to herself, Emma stands up and follows Mary Margaret down the stairs.

"Can you take this off now?" Regina asks as Emma starts climbing down the stairs, stretching her hand out, showing the bracelet.

Emma turns to look over her shoulder confused and when she sees Regina's hand, she shakes her head. "I told you, I'll take it off when we can trust you," she replies simply, but her voice is hard, uncharacteristic to Emma she used to know. Once again, Regina finds herself wondering what had to happen while she was away to turn Emma into this person.

Why does she even care?

"I'm sorry," Henry's quiet apology makes Regina turn back at him, blinking her eyes in order to get back to reality . He's sitting in bed with his head bowed down, looking at his hands. Regina swallows hard over the knot of tears in her throat as she puts her finger until his chin, gently lifts his face up until their eyes meet.

"You don't have to be sorry," she tells him, trying to keep her emotions at bay –she's already shown enough weakness today. She smiles then, another forced smile and assures him that she understands, she did too many bad things but now she's changed, and he has, too, and it's all in the past.

Henry's not convinced by Regina's words but he nods his head anyway, with a small, unsure smile on his lips, tells himself to let it go for now, they will talk about it when both of them will be ready. "I love you, mom, and I'll never hurt you again," he tells her earnestly then and hugs her again.

"I love you too," she echoes his words, sighing. She's missed those words so much but unfortunately they don't lessen the pain she feels when the memories of all those times he's told her he hates her repeats in her head over and over again. She's holding him now, and her words are true, she does really love him with all her heart, but she can still her him saying 'I hate you', 'You are not my mom' at the back of her head.

These words still sting, and she's quite sure they'll sting for the rest of her life.

But she doesn't want to think about it now, doesn't want to dwell on pain when she's got her son back, so she changes the subject and asks him about his life, what happened while she was gone. He tells her everything: from the trip to Neverland and Pan who wanted to take his heart to adventures in the Enchanted Forest and Zelena's, her sister's, attempt to hurt everything, to take him away because it'll make everyone suffer. He also tells her that he spent a lot of time thinking about her and that he trusts her and that he's very sorry.

Then it's Henry's time to ask, and his questions are about her current life. She replies to his every question, tries to give as less details as possible because there's a huge possibility that Emma will use it against her someday. She tells him about her husband Robin, her step-son Roland and little things about her new personality.

They're not sure how much time passes while they share stories about their new lives but when Regina glances out of the window, the sky is getting darker and darker. It's getting late and she still has a long ride ahead of her, and as much as she wants to stay here with Henry and talk about every single thing she's missed, she cannot.

She has to go back.

She needs time to think.

Henry follows her gaze and suddenly he's straightening, looking at her with confusion written all over his face. "You're not leaving right?" he asks, his voice shaky, though he's already realized what she's planning to do.

"I have to," She says quietly, taking his hand in hers, giving it a comforting squeeze."I have a life out there with a family that waits for me to come back. I can't just disappear," she tries to explain and Henry nods his head in understanding but then hugs her again.

When Regina's arms wrap around her son, for the first time that evening she thinks about how's she going to deal with Robin. Coming back is not a very wise decision, she knows; she's not the Regina he fell in love, damn it, she doesn't even know who she is anymore. How is she supposed to face him?

But she can't stay here either. She needs to clear her head, make up her mind.

She has to leave.

"You'll come back, right?" Henry asks, his voice hopeful as he pulls away from her.

Standing up from the bed, Regina nods her head, "Of course I will. I won't leave you again." And then, surprisingly, Henry's hugging her again. She's a little surprised by his affection, it's hard to believe that it's true when a few years ago all she heard from him was shouts that he hates her.

When they climb down the stairs, Emma and Mary Margaret are sitting at the table, both women frowning, in the middle of a very heated discussion. They both turn to look at Regina but she chooses to ignore their looks, instead takes the coat from the hanger, puts it on all the while trying to keep her gaze on Henry.

"Where do you think you're going?" Emma asks with a raised eyebrow as she stands up from the table and walks up to Henry and Regina.

"I'm leaving," Regina replies nonchalantly.

"On no, you're not," the Savior shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "We need you here. Zelena is your sister, you're the only one who can defeat her. You don't want to do it for us, I get it, but think about Henry."

"I can't believe you're actually asking my help," Regina cannot help but let out a humorless laugh as she takes a step closer to Emma. "But let me remind you one thing, Miss Swan: I'm the Evil Queen, you don't have power over me, I don't take orders, so if you really want my help, you better be nice and let me go for now."

"And how do I know that you won't trick us and come back?"

"I wouldn't leave Henry in danger," she says truthfully and looks at Henry who's smiling back at her.

"Right," Emma murmurs and it's obvious that she doesn't trust Regina but what other choice does she have?

"I'll call you when I come back," Regina says, turning her attention back to Henry. She leans over and kisses his forehead before adding, "If something happens, don't hesitate, call me immediately."

"I can't go with you, can I?" Henry asks and Regina shakes her head.

"It's better if you stay here for now," Regina says quietly, running her hand through Henry's hair. She needs some time to think things over, to understand everything, and she'd like to do it alone. And as much as she doesn't want to leave Henry, she has to. "I'm going to go now. See you soon," she says and with one last kiss on his forehead, Regina turns around and walks out of the apartment.

She goes to her mansion through empty streets of Storybrooke – people are probably afraid to walk around in such a late time when the very Wicked Witch is somewhere out there, threatening to kill everyone – and the quietness makes Regina relax.

At least she won't run into some very unpleasant citizen.

Surprisingly her journey isn't interrupted by anyone (deep down she hoped that the Wicked Witch will make a show), and in a few minutes, Regina's sitting in her old car, driving out of Storybrooke though she doesn't drive long.

As soon as she crosses the town line, she stops the car because the tears are blocking her vision. Her whole body starts to shake as she rests her head on the wheel, finally letting all of her emotions out.

(…)

When she finally finds the right key and unlocks the door of the apartment, it's already down. She's spent hours in her car, crying, thinking and then crying again over her messed up life, over her stolen happiness, and now, when all she feels is numbness, she's strong enough to face _him._

As she walks into the apartment, she closes the door behind herself as quietly as possible – she has no plan to wake Roland up. When she turns around, she finds Robin already standing there, his expression unreadable. It may be anxiety but it also can be confusion and, of course, it could be anger – it's hard to tell and Regina spent too many hours crying to guess what it means.

"What happened? Are you alright?" He asks, voice concerned as Regina drops her purse on the floor, takes off her coat and shoes before walking past him further into the apartment. She thinks about his question, thinks that if she came here, she should tell him the truth but she's so tired… and so weak right now.

"I'm fine," she settles on saying as she enters the bedroom with Robin following behind her.

It should look comical: her saying that she's fine when all her cheeks are black from running mascara, when her eyes are blood-shot from all the crying and shouting and sobbing she's done. But she really doesn't feel strong enough to talk about _that_ with him.

Robin's breathing is hard, deep and loud as he stands behind her, it seems he's trying to keep himself under control, so she turns around to be able to see his reactions.

"It doesn't look like it," Robin says as he takes a step closer to her. She's never seen him this confused and anxious, not even when she was dying in the hospital. She should look really awful if he's that concerned. "Why didn't you call me? I was so worried," he asks her and his voice is supposed to be angry but instead it's gentle and quiet, calming even.

"Can you take it off?" Regina ignores his question and stretches her hand out for him, showing him the bracelet. She cannot talk to him now, not when she's suck an emotional mess, and she feels so dumb for even coming here. What is she going to do? Cry on his shoulder over her sad life? Say to him that she needs to leave because her sister is trying to kill her son's family?

Oh, she was so stupid.

She should've stayed in Storybrooke where she belongs and let Robin move on without her because she knows he wouldn't love her if he knew who she is, he wouldn't love that homicidal killer with too many demons to count.

She's snapped out of her thoughts when Robin's hand touches hers. She looks up at him and finds that confused expression on his face but his fingers are doing what she's asked for, taking off the bracelet she's asked to put on in the morning without asking anything.

When the bracelet falls away, there's a huge burn mark all around her wrist. Robin's eyes widen as he looks from Regina's wrist to her face, trying to get some answers but Regina looks away. How could she explain this to him? _This thing blocked my magic and it burned me every time I tried to take it off?_

Why is everything so damn hard?

The wounds should hurt but it doesn't, not when she's this numb so she turns around on her heel and walks away from Robin.

"Are you okay?" Robin asks again as he takes hold of Regina's uninjured hand, makes her turn around and face him again. When she doesn't reply to him, he adds, "We need to take care of your wounds, love," but Regina shakes her head, pulls her hand away from him and falls down on the bed.

"I would like to sleep now," is all she says before she rolls on her side, facing away from him. She doesn't bother to undress, is too tired to do so, and closes her eyes, hopes that sleep will come soon.

She hears Robin walking around the room and then there's a blanket thrown over her. He even leans over and kisses on top of her head, whispers that he loves her very much and then walks out of the room, closing the door behind himself.

Another wave of tears washes over Regina as soon as she's left alone. She thinks about the life she could've had with Robin, about happiness the three of them could create together. Now it's all but gone. There's no way for her to be happy.

She's cursed.

With that thought Regina drifts into a restless sleep.

(…)

"Good morning," she hears Robin whisper from above her, and then warm lips are against her forehead, a warn palm stroking her cheek. Regina forces her eyes to open but they close on their own accord as soon as the light hits them: it's too bright and her headache is pretty bad already, the light won't make it better.

She rolls onto her back, away from Robin's touch, as memories of yesterday fill her mind. All of a sudden she feels nauseous, feels like she's going to pass out.

Taking a deep breath in, she forces herself to calm down, not to do something reckless while she hasn't made up her mind yet. These thoughts make the nausea pass away, and Regina opens her eyes again to find Robin, still concerned and looking very tired, in front of her with a cup of tea in his hands.

"I would like to be alone," she whispers quietly, her voice hoarse – she's not sure if it's from sleeping or from shouting, probably from both.

Robin's face drops but he nods his head, asks her if she's sure she doesn't want to talk, and when she nods her head, closes her eyes and waits for him to leave, he grants her wish, stands up and walks out of the room.

A single tear rolls down her cheek as she opens her eyes again, tries not to think about how heartbroken she will be when she will leave Robin. As much as she wanted to remember who she was a few days ago, now she would love to forget all of it. She doesn't want to remember that she killed her own father to get her revenge, that she watched her first love, her stable boy be killed in front of her because he loved her, she doesn't want to remember the pain of Henry's rejection, Gold's words that she's cursed and she'll never be loved again.

All these memories reminds her that she will not only have to live her miserable life for gods know how long but also she's have to do it would Robin and Roland: she's not the woman she was yesterday, not the one Robin fell in love. She's evil and reckless.

They need divorce as soon as possible.

Oh.

She should've listened to Robin and stayed at home, left her old life in the past and moved on with him and Roland.

Damn it, why does she always have to be so stupid?

(…)

It's taken Regina three days to make up her mind and finally get up from the bed. She didn't eat – no matter how much Robin begged her to take at least a bite of food – she didn't drink, she didn't sleep these days. All she did was think, think and think. And after three days and nights of constant thinking, she finally forced herself to get up from the bed and get her _shit_ together.

The first thing she does is take a shower, a long one which is interrupted by a breakdown when she realizes that it's the last time she's here. But she forces herself to calm down, and then dries herself more quickly than needed. Then she goes back to the bedroom, ignores Robin's words, closes the door behind herself, rests her back against it until Robin gives up and walks away.

She collects most of her clothes, leaves the most expensive ones since it was bought by Robin and she thinks he should keep them, she won't need them anyway; she also leaves all the jewelry he's bought for her on the nightstand and when the wedding and engagement rings are placed there, a few tears run down her cheeks.

She looks around the room for the last time, remembers all the good things that has happened here and then, with one deep inhale, she leaves the room, taking a single suitcase and her broken her with her.

"Where are you going?" Robin asks as he turns around to look at her. His eyes widen as he jumps from the couch and rushes towards her but she stretches her hand in front of her to stop him. One single touch of his could change her mind and she cannot let that happen.

She's strong.

She can do it.

"I took just the most important things, you can do what you like with the rest," she tells him, trying to sound confident and strong though her heart is breaking into a million pieces with every single word. Damn it, she hasn't realized her feelings for him are so strong. "Now, please, let me leave," she adds quietly when Robin blocks her way, shakes his head in disbelief.

"I won't let you leave until you explain everything to me," he says, his voice so serious and strong, Regina's never heard him sound like this before. But, on the other hand, she never threatened to leave him. "Everything was so good and now you leave me? Regina, tell me what happened, please."

"There's not much to tell," she shrugs in response. She looks at him and feels her heart clenching, her eyes filling up with tears. He deserves some kind of an explanation, so with a deep breath in, she tells him, "I remembered everything. I'm not the woman you think I am. Now please, let me go."

"I won't let you go," he says, taking a step closer to her. "I love you, Regina."

Doesn't he understand that he's making it even harder for her?

Regina swallows hard as she says, "well, I don't," and then she tries to walk past him but Robin's hand catches hers and he stops her, pulling her into his embrace, pressing his lips against hers. It breaks all the façade and Regina kisses him back, because damn it, she loves this man too much.

"Please, Regina," he asks as he pulls away and looks straight into her eyes, "tell me what happened."

Regina looks at him, and shakes her head, she cannot tell him that. If she does, he'll think she's crazy, he won't understand, it will only hurt her, them and she doesn't want that. But then Robin kisses her again and begs her to please, tell him what's happened, to help him understand, to let him in.

She doesn't know what makes her change her mind, his tears or his begging, his love for her or her stupid heart, but she closes her eyes tightly in order to stop the tears and whispers, "What do you want to know?"

(...)

Thoughts?


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE RESPONSE TO THIS FIC! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR READING, FAVORITING, FOLLOWING AND REVIEWING! YOU MADE MY SUMMER SO MUCH BETTER, GUYS, I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUaT!

(...)

"Everything," Robin says, his voice full of undeniable emotions. "I want to know everything about you, Regina," he takes a step closer to her and she thinks she shouldn't let him touch her again, it would make it harder for her to leave later but then his arms find their way around her tiny frame and she's being pulled into a huge she's craved since the day she found out the whole truth about herself.

They stand there for a solid ten minutes, Regina listening to his slowing heartbeat, Robin running his hands up and down her spine in soothing manner. But the time isn't waiting and she still needs to go to Storybrooke, to save the town she now hates very much.

As she pulls away from Robin, her dark and cursed heart clenches with fear. What will happen when she tells him the truth? Is it wise to tell him the whole truth? He will probably not believe her anyway, think she's out of her mind.

But then Robin is taking her hand in his, tugging at it until she's pulled back into reality. He leads her to the couch, their couch that holds so many memories, and makes her sit down on it. He surprises her when he leans over and kisses her on the lips, hard and passionate and then he walks around the coffee table and sits in the armchair in front of her, offering her an encouraging smile.

She needs to start talking.

But where does she start?

From the beginning, she thinks. Yes. Right. It will be god. She'll be brave enough and tell him everything.

Oh gods!

Clearing her throat, Regina straightens on the couch and starts, "It all may seem crazy to you, but listen first. You can judge all you want when I'm finished." After Robin's nod and another encouraging smile his face turns serious, and Regina inhales deeply, prepares herself to speak.

When she starts speaking again, her voice is shaking. She chooses to begin from lighter, easier things – she tells him she has a son (what a beginning, to reveal that you have a son to your husband), a boy named Henry (after her father) who's becoming a teenager now. It makes her feel more at ease, talking about Henry and seeing Robin's surprised smile, it makes her feel like Robin would be more than happy to accept another addition to their little family.

Funny thing is - that's not going to happen.

Then she tells him about her childhood, about her strict mother and sad father, about her dreams and undeniable passion for horses. She hasn't mentioned magic or Enchanted Forest yet, but the time has come and she inhales deeply and tells him that she lived in the castle, in another land, and that she has magic for as long as she remembers.

She doesn't actually know what she's told him next; her thoughts have been jumping from one thing to another, one minute she's talking about Daniel with tears in her eyes, the other she's telling him that she killed her own husband in his very fancy bed without a bit of regret.

She doesn't know how Robin reacts to all this because she cannot focus on him anymore. She looks down at her hands, at the wall in front of her, she looks anywhere but at him.

When Regina finishes her speech, her whole body is shaking. She doesn't know if it's from the power it's taken her to speak or the realization that everything what's happened is real, or if it's from fear that Robin may lock her up in a mental hospital, thinking that his dear wife is out of her mind. But it also may be the fear that he'll never look at her, never love her like he did before because of who she really is.

Damn it.

Why did she tell him the truth?

She could've lied.

Why is she so stupid?

Why does she always have to ruin her own best plans?

She hates herself.

Her hands turn into fists as she bites her lower lip, forces herself to calm down. Her breathing is out of control, her movements are unfocused. If she were to stand up right now, she would fall back on the couch. Her emotions are getting the best of her and if she really wants to leave, she needs to get herself together.

Inhaling deeply she looks up and meets him, the man who loved her (she's sure he doesn't feel the same after listening to her story) and for those months they've spend together made her the happiest woman on the planet.

His deep wide blue eyes almost make her tear up again – there's no hate or anger in them, only sadness and some kind of understanding.

Damn it, she loves him so much, even the thought of seeing hatred in his eyes makes her heart clench. It would break her, no doubt.

They sit there and stare at each other for five solid minutes until Regina shifts on the couch, his piercing gaze making her uncomfortable. She drops her gaze back to her hands, clears her throat. "Please, say something," she whispers, afraid her voice would break.

But her throat is sore, the words make her cough and Robin's standing up immediately then, saying something about her being in need of a drink and walks to the kitchen leaving her all alone.

A sigh of relief (or desperation) leaves Regina as she rests her back against the backrest, closes her eyes and for a few moments all she does is breathe. Deep inhale, count to ten, exhale, deep inhale…

She feels betrayed, hurt even. She's just opened her heart up to him, told him her deepest secrets and yet all he can say is that she needs a drink. If she could, she would be shouting on him right now, crying and screaming until he reacted, said something…

Shaking her head to herself, she understands how stupid it all was. He doesn't believe her, of course he doesn't. Who would believe a story about fairytales, curses and magic? (Well, Roland would). It breaks her heart into million pieces, the thought that her darkest demons to him are not understandable, not true in his eyes.

She should've used that time to escape the apartment, it may've been her only chance but Robin's back with a glass of water and there's no escaping now. He offers her a glass and she takes it because she's so thirsty but doesn't drink it instantly, at first she takes a good look trying to figure out if it's just water or another potion.

"It's not poisoned."

Regina looks up from the glass to Robin and he's looking at her with a frown on his face but his eyes are still sincere. She nods her head, murmurs 'of course', and takes a small sip. It tastes like water, so she relaxes a bit, hopes that it's just water, and drinks, drinks and drinks until her glass is empty.

"I should go," she says, her voice uncharacteristically quiet, as she puts the glass on the coffee table.

"Stay," Robin's hand touches her making Regina look up from the glass. It tightens its hold aroud hers making Regina frown. Why would he want her to stay after everything she's told him? To make fun of her? To torture her? To love her? "I must admit that you just told me a crazy story and it's a lot to understand, damn it, it's so hard to believe it, but Regina, it doesn't change the way I feel about you. You can be whoever you want to be, Evil Queen or outlaw, but I would love you anyway." His confession makes tears form in her eyes and she has to look away to stay strong. "I love you because I know the woman underneath this façade," he adds softly, his other hand stretched over her table to touch her chin, to make her look at him.

He then leans over the table and presses his lips to hers in a small kiss. It's not long, and not too passionate but it has a few tears slipping from Regina's eyes anyway because she just doesn't understand. How could someone as good as him love _her_?

"Do you believe me?" she asks quietly.

"I… don't know. This sounds like a-"

"Madness," Regina finishes for him and Robin nods his head, offering her a sad smile.

"Yeah," he nods his head, inhales and continues. "I don't know if it's true or you're really out of your mind. If it's all true, then you did many horrible things but when I look at you, I see that lost woman I felt in love with, I see _Regina_."

Regina's eyes well up with tears again as she curses under her breath. She's so emotional, not herself. But Robin's words have that effect on her, it makes her heart flutter with feelings for this man. What did she do to deserve this man?

But it's wrong; it's not the way she expected things to go.

She takes a deep inhale, and tells him quietly, "Now you understand why I have to leave. If you really believe me, you understand how complicated our life would get if I stay. You should understand that I'm not that weak woman I was when you met me. There's a huge abyss between us now, Robin, and it will be here forever. Things will never be the same between us."

"I know and I understand you," he assures her, "but I'm ready to work on our relationship, I'm ready to get to know you all over again. I still want to be with you." He stretches his hand for her but she doesn't take it, instead she moves her own away, shaking her head to herself.

Damn this man.

He's making this so much harder. She has to convince him to let her go, she has to do it no matter what. Even if it means he'll hate her in the end.

"Robin, if you choose a life with me, you'll never have another child," she whispers, her heart clenching at her own words.

She knows how much he wants a child, since the day when they started trying he hasn't shut up about it, told her over and over again how much happiness the baby will bring into their lives. And now his dreams are crushed.

It should work.

"It's okay. We already have Roland and your son," he tells her calmly, "and if we really want a child we can adopt."

Regina sighs in desperation. Okay, that didn't work. She thinks about all the bad things she hasn't told him about yet, she thinks and thinks and thinks and-

"I accidentally almost killed my own son," she blurts out. She's told Robin that it was Emma who broke her curse when the Savior woke Henry from the sleeping curse but she hasn't told him that she was the one who accidentally cursed him.

Robin's eyes narrows as he exhales. "It's horrible. And I'm sure there are a bunch of other things you've done but it will not scare me away," he tells her earnestly, standing up from the armchair. He walks around the coffee table and joins her on the couch, then stretches his arm out for her to move closer but she refuses, shakes her head and doesn't move. Robin sighs then and continues his speech, "You're not that woman anymore, Regina. These past few years must have changed you. I know it has. Love, you did all those things and nothing can change that but everyone has a second chance, a chance to be better. And I'm sure now it's your time to change."

Regina cannot help but roll her eyes. He reminds of Snow White so much, they would probably be best friends with their hope speeches and unconditional love.

"It's okay, Regina," his hand touches her biceps gently and all of a sudden all she sees red.

"It's not okay!" she jumps from the couch, her eyes red with anger at herself, at him. Doesn't he understand? There's no way for them to be together, not when she remembers everything. He just has to let her go and move on, why can't he do that?

"Regina?" he stands up as well, his hands lifted in front of him in surrender.

"We can't be together! I don't belong here! It won't be the same because now I remember what an awful person I am. Robin, I don't want you to see me like that. I don't want you to wake up in the morning and regret your life with me," her voice breaks, she breaks and now tears are streaming down her face freely as she wraps her arms around herself, closing her eyes tightly.

"It would never happen," she barely hears him over her sobs. Then she feels his hand touch her again and this time she doesn't push him away. His arms are around her instantly, pulling her into his chest and she feels him shaking too.

When she finally calms down, she finds herself sitting back on the couch with another glass of water in her hands. Robin is sitting beside her, his face anxious as he stares at her, follows every movement of her, as if afraid she would disappear.

Well, if she had magic, she would definitely disappear.

Regina straightens in her seat, puts the glass on the coffee table and is about to stand up but Robin's words stop her. "Please, give us a chance," he says taking her hand in his.

"It won't work."

"I'm begging of you, Regina, give us a month," his voice is shaking as he says it. "If it doesn't work out, if you don't feel the same way about me, we can divorce and move on. But please, don't break our life. Don't disappear from Roland and mine's life without giving us a chance," the look on his face makes Regina swallow hard over the knot of tears in her throat, makes her want to cry again.

But she won't cry. No.

She's strong now. She's Regina Mills. The Evil Queen.

Damn it! she loves this man who is sitting in front of her, loves him for everything. And she cannot imagine her life without him, it would be a misery and she's suffered enough and maybe, just maybe, life has really given her a second chance at love…

"Okay," she whispers so quietly, she's afraid he won't hear it but he does. His arms are wrapped around her instantly as he kisses her over and over again, her lips, her nose, her cheeks, her temple and then her lips again and again until a small and very tired smile forms on her lips.

Regina's arms find their way around his waist as she rests her head against his chest, sighing. She doesn't know what it'll bring them, this crazy chance, but she'll give him a chance, she'll let him see her true colors and if after everything he'll still want to stay, she'll let him, perhaps…

They stay in each other's arms for what feels like forever, not speaking, just breathing and enjoying their connection. But then Regina shifts a bit, pulls away from the embrace she'd rather never leave and looks at the clock.

"I have to leave anyway," she says, when Robin asks what's wrong, "They need my help and I can't leave Henry in danger."

"Let me come with you," he offers but the shake of Regina's head is instant. There's no way she would let him come with her, come to that hell town called Storybrooke.

"It's too dangerous," she tells him, voice firm. "I cannot risk a chance that you and Roland might be hurt. I would never forgive myself," she feels another wave of emotions wash over her, but tries to push it away, blinks her eyes repeatedly for a few times so the tears would disappear from her eyes.

Robin doesn't seem too happy with her answer but he sighs and looks back at her with concern in his eyes. If he really believes her, he understands what kind of danger is waiting for everyone in there. He would do anything to protect Roland so he will stay behind, Regina doesn't doubt it.

"Please, stay for tonight," Robin says then and bites his lip.

Regina's breathe hitches in her throat as she takes in his words. She would love to stay, to spend a few more hours with him, maybe their last night together because she's sure this relationship won't work for them but there's a possibility that something very serious can happen while she's away and she would never forgive herself.

She inhales as she looks up at him, wants to tell him that she really has to go but her heart clenches at the thought of leaving him so soon, and Storybrooke has Emma who knows how to use magic now and perhaps they'll be okay for one more night…

Perhaps one more night she can be just Regina.

"I'll leave tomorrow in the morning," she says quietly with a small, almost invisible smile on her face. Robin's eyes lit up with excitement as he wraps his arms around her again, pulls her into a breathtaking kiss.

"I love you so much," he tells her between the kisses and Regina cannot help but smile a bit wider. She loves him too but now saying these words means a lot of more than before, it reminds her of Daniel, of life they'd have had together. It stings now.

"Come, you need to eat," he says suddenly, pulling away way too quickly as he takes her hand and pulls her towards the kitchen.

Regina rolls her eyes and groans - she's not hungry, doesn't feel like eating but Robin is determined to make her eat, as soon as they're in the kitchen he takes out a pan and two eggs from the fridge while he instructs for her to sit down and wait.

When he puts a plate full of food in front of her, Regina groans and rolls her eyes at him, but takes a fork and a knife anyway, and the smile that forms on Robin's lips is definitely worth it.

After Regina finishes eating, they go straight to the bedroom: both of the exhausted from the day they had. They lay down, side by side, their fingers intertwined. Just then Regina realizes how much she's missed him these last three nights she's spent alone and how much she's going to miss him for the rest of her life.

She doesn't think she'll come back here ever again. She doesn't belong here, she belongs to Storybrooke, to magic. It breaks her heart knowing that she's promised Robin a chance but she's already made a choice. After a month she'll send him divorce papers and then she'll move on.

Because he couldn't live with her.

And she wouldn't let him do that.

Ruin his own life for her.

No.

Never.

"When your heart stopped beating-" his quiet voice pulls her out of her thoughts and she turns her head to the side so she can face him. His hand squeezes hers as he swallows hard and continues, "It was because of the curse?"

"Yes," Regina replies, nodding her head. "The curse was supposed to return everyone who came here with it to the Enchanted Forest and I was one of them. It was trying to take me with them, it was supposed to return me to the Forest or kill me, nothing in between."

"And yet you stayed with us."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Honestly? I have no idea." Regina shrugs, then sighs and rolls onto her side so she can see him better. "But I don't want to think about any of that tonight. I want to forget and be with you," she adds quietly and moves a bit closer to him.

Robin doesn't seem to mind, he leans over a bit so he can capture her lips in a kiss. Regina's arms find their way around his neck as she moves even closer to him until there's no space between them. Until it's just the two of them, nose to nose, chest to chest, skin to skin, soul to soul.

In the morning she gets up while Robin's still sleeping, kisses him one last time, takes one single suitcase and leaves the apartment with a thought of never coming back.

(...)

Thoughts?


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING, FAVORITING, FOLLOWING AND REVIEWING! When I first started writing this fic, I thought no one would read it and now you guys and your beautiful messages make me feel over the moon! Thank you thank you thank you!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT!

 **TRIGGER WARNING!:Mentions of suicide!**

(...)

When Regina's car crosses the townline of Storybrooke, it's around afternoon. She's left Robin early in the morning and she should've been here hours ago but despite the long drive, she also had to stop for a few times – first to buy a coffee, then to calm herself down – and it has taken some time. Plus, the weather is not the best: it's been raining most of the journey and the wind has been awful.

In a way the weather mirrors what she's feeling inside.

The car is stopped in front of her house and when Regina gets out of it, she cannot help but moan as her aching muscles are stretching. She doesn't stay still for long, though, (it's raining, after all) and taking her suitcase from the car she rushes straight into the house.

She hasn't been there for a really long time but when she takes a look around, it seems that nothing has changed, that no one has been there while she was absent due to the thick layer of dust covering every furniture. Her house's survived curses, magic attacks and so much more, and yet nothing has changed.

It makes her wonder: would she also have not changed if she'd stayed here? Would she still be the feared Evil Queen?

Probably.

Shaking her head to herself, Regina waves a hand in the air and all the dust disappears. A huge smirk forms on her lips as she feels these little aftershocks of magic use she's missed so much. She hasn't used magic for more than four years and yet it still feels natural.

After a quick tour around her own house, she walks into the bathroom to take a quick shower – that trip made her in need of some cold water. On her way there her eyes catch a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror and it makes her stop walking, her jaw drop open. Her eyes are bloodshot and black, with huge bags under them, her cheeks are still pink from all the crying she's done for the last few days, but otherwise she's as white as a paper.

She's a mess.

All of a sudden, memories from her time in the hospital come back into her head, she remembers when she used to stare at the mirror, tried to remember something, anything. She didn't recognize herself back then, these black eyes didn't say anything, that scar over her lip that bothered her so much was a mystery.

Now she doesn't recognize herself again.

No matter how bad she would get or how wrong the things were, she would never let herself look like _that._ She looks tired and broken and _weak_ and that's wrong. She's powerful, she's the mayor, she's the queen, the Evil Queen. She's not this weak person she sees in a mirror.

Her hand is lifted up in the air before she knows it and with a little bit of magic all the suffering disappears from her face, she looks just like before (when she still was the Evil Queen, the mayor), despite one little thing – there's no fire in her eyes.

After taking a long shower and getting ready, Regina heads out of the room ready to go to the Charmings, but her eyes lock on Henry's room door making her head clench. She cannot help herself, her own feet take her there, into his room.

She sits on the edge of his bed, takes a pillow from there and presses it to her chest, feeling emotional all over again. She misses Henry so much, misses him in the house, the noise he would make, the mess he would leave behind himself.

She doesn't know how but she finds herself thinking about Robin (because he makes a lot of mess you, probably). He would like the house, she thinks. His favorite place would be the garden, no doubt, he would spend most of his time there. He would also spend a lot of time with Henry because he's been ecstatic about it since he heard about her having a son, he would try to get to know him. Regina doesn't doubt he would be an amazing step-father.

Roland, on the other hand, would be fascinated by how huge the whole house is compared to their small apartment. He could choose one of the empty rooms for himself and decorate it however he wanted to, and he would be more than happy to live with Henry under the same roof, to have a brother.

They all could've been happy if she wasn't the Evil Queen.

And now it will never be true.

Damn it.

She feels a few tears rolling down her cheeks. Wiping them angrily away, she stands up from the bed and storms out of the room, closing the door behind herself. She walks down the stairs then to the living room to take her phone and keys when she spots it – a letter on the coffee table.

Regina is one percent sure it wasn't here when she first entered the house and it makes her look around immediately, eyes searching for an intruder. But there's no one around, or at least she doesn't see them, so she takes the letter and opens it.

'Welcome back, sis. Cannot wait to ruin your life. – Zelena'

Regina cannot help but roll her eyes at the worthless threat – her life is already ruined, this Zelena could do nothing to make it worse (but little did Regina knew back then what Zelena'd planned) – and throws the letter on the couch, takes her things and heads out of the house.

(…)

"Mom!" Henry exclaims, dropping his phone onto the couch and running towards her as soon as she enters Charmings' apartment and closes the door behind herself. She doesn't have time to greet him before his arms are wrapped around her tightly.

It makes her let out a gasp of surprise – she's still not used to the idea that Henry's forgiven her, that he _loves_ her. He stays in her arms for a little longer than he intended but Regina cannot say that she minds. Quite the opposite: it fills her heart with warmth and love.

When the teenager leaves her embrace and starts talking about their time here while she was gone, Regina takes a look around, her eyes widening in surprise when she doesn't find Emma.

Since when does the Savior trust her with her pregnant mother and their son?

Shaking her head to herself, Regina takes off her coat and follows Henry further into the room where Mary Margaret and Charming are already waiting for her, sitting at the table. Henry takes his previous position on the couch while Regina sits down in front of her former enemies, putting a wooden box she's brought with herself on the table.

"Where's Emma?" Regina asks out of curiosity and because she needs to start a conversation somehow.

"She's with Hook trying to find any indications about where the Wicked Witch could be hiding." Mary Margaret's reply makes Regina's eyes widen in surprise. Captain Hook is here? The very same Captain Hook – Killian Jones? Well, that's unexpected. Regina's curiosity wins over and she cannot help but ask how he ended up with them. Though all idiots join this team, it seems. "He came here with your mother," is Snow's explanation and Regina can manages only an 'oh' in response.

Henry's told her what happened to Cora the first night she was there. It has shaken Regina a lot, she cannot deny that, despite all the things that woman has done to her, she still had place in Regina's heart. And Regina was more than hurt to find out that her mother was killed, that the one who killed was Snow White.

"Okay, so tell me how you came back," Regina asks then, changing the subject, not wanting to dwell on these depressing thoughts for too long.

Mary Margaret glances at David, takes his hand in hers before saying, "I had to cast the dark curse." Regina's eyes widen in surprise and Snow nods before she continues, "I crushed David's heart to come back to Storybrooke."

"What?" Regina gasps in surprise, not believing what she's just heard. "Then how are you still here?" she asks, confused. Are they playing with her? She hopes not because she's definitely not in the mood for games right now.

"We share one heart now," David replies, turning to look at his wife for a brief moment. "Blue Fairy assured us that there's no other way to come back here and we couldn't let Henry stay under the sleeping curse for too long, we had to cast your curse. Snow found a way to bring me back, our true love saved me."

Regina wants to roll her eyes at him and their _true love_ but she's more interested in Blue Fairy's involvement in this story that their relationship. If this person has to do anything with their lives during these years while Regina was gone, it means she was the one who taught Emma how to use magic. She's no longer surprise by the change in Emma. Who wouldn't change if Blue Fairy taught them these things?

She blinks her eyes for a few times and looks back at the couple in front of her. "So who's Zelena after?" Regina asks then, because obviously she's after something or someone, and one of them is Regina if the letter is any indication.

"We're not sure yet what she wants, though we know she's after our unborn child," David states, resting his free hand over Snow's bump protectively while his other tightens its hold around his wife's.

"Then we have to protect the baby first. We'll figure everything out after that," Regina states and opens the wooden box she's brought. She needs to protect an innocent baby first, well, that's not much of a problem.

Mary Margaret and David watches as she takes out all the needed ingredients, follows her every move while she pours all of them into a cup and runs her glowing hand over it. It makes her uncomfortable – their stares – but she supposes they couldn't do it any other way because they don't trust her. She could be making some curse to hurt them all over again.

If it wasn't for Henry, then maybe she would be doing something like that… Oh, the possibilities…

Right, the potion.

She looks around the table and counts all the things she's put in, making sure that she didn't miss anything. It looks like she's done everything, expect one thing: she didn't put blood, her blood. Turning to look over her shoulder, she searches for a knife but when she doesn't find it, she rolls her eyes and with a wave of her hand a knife appears on the table in front of her.

"Can you slit my hand?" Regina asks, pushing the knife over the table towards David who looks at her with wide eyes, as if she's out of her mind. Well, on the other hand, she may seem crazy because not every day your biggest enemy asks you to hurt them.

"What?" David stutters, not being able to hide his surprise.

"I need blood for the potion. My blood."

"Why don't you do it yourself?" he asks with a raised eyebrow and Regina opens her mouth to reply but Henry's words stop her dead in her track.

"She cannot hurt herself," Henry replies not looking up from his phone. Regina gasps in surprise and shock and just then her son looks up at her, his expression unreadable. He seems to understand what he's just said because his hand falls over his mouth as he stares at her with wide eyes.

"How do you know that, Henry? Regina asks gently, though it feels like her heart is going to jump out of her chest. How does her son know that? The only one who knows this is Rumple, the one and only who cursed her, and she's quite sure the Dark One didn't tell her son that.. She's also written that in her letters and diary but Henry couldn't read them, she left them in her castle…

No, oh no, shit, no no no.

"Mom, I'm-"

"You read my diary?" She interrupts him, looking at him with disbelief written all over her face. Her whole body starts to shake when Henry nods his head slowly and looks down, ashamed. Oh my! All of a sudden her heart stops beating as her head threatens to explode at the horrific thoughts that invade her.

Her hands turn into fists as she thinks of what else he could have found there, she tries to remember so hard what she'd written there but everything in her head is streaming, shouting and exploding and she cannot remember a single thing.

Oh my gods!

"I'm so sorry, mom," Henry's voice reaches her eyes but she cannot look at him, not now, so she looks down at her hands, trying so hard to keep herself under control. "I didn't want to hurt you, I just-"

"It's okay, darling," she says automatically, her voice shaking. She doesn't look up from her hands as she tries so hard to remember what she's exposed there. She needs to know what _he_ knows about her now, what horrible things he'd found out about his mother.

She should've burned it all these years ago, damn it.

Regina wants to disappear, has an urge to hide for a while, a long while, until she calms down, until she remembers what he could find out. But her hands doesn't move, they're paralyzed and she's paralyzed, and shaking and-

"Why don't you leave us alone for a while?" She hears a distant voice and it's Mary Margaret but she cannot bring herself to look up at her, at them. Henry opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out and then Regina feels his hand on her shoulder, light and comforting as he whispers that he's very sorry one more time before David stands up as well and they both leave the apartment, promising to bring ice-cream on their way back.

As soon as the two of them are left alone, the silence surrounds the apartment and the only thing that can she heard is Regina's harsh breathing. Deep inhale, count to ten, exhale, inhale, that's what she tells herself, trying to calm herself down but the tears are already filling her eyes at the thought of what her innocent Henry now knows.

She doesn't want to cry, no, she wants to be strong.

But it's so hard.

Oh gods.

Her son has read her diary.

What else does he know?

"Regina," an annoying voice of Snow White snaps her out of her thoughts and she feels the hand on her own squeezing lightly in a comforting manner as her enemy asks, "Are you okay? Do you need some water?"

"Fine," Regina mutters quietly and closes her eyes tightly, shaking her head. How could this happen? How could they let Henry read her diary, diary that obviously held many horrible things, secrets and personal things that she would rather keep to herself till the end of her life?

"You know, there are not many horrible things. Mostly it's your hopes about bringing Daniel back and the life you wanted to have with him." Mary Margaret says, making Regina look up from her hands in disbelief. Did she also read it? "You stopped writing it when Rumple cursed you."

Regina pulls her hand away from Snow as if burned. "Did you also-" she trails off but there's no need to finish her sentence because the woman in front of her nods her head with shame all over her face.

Do these people know what her personal space is?

She feels betrayed and humiliated. After all, when she'd been writing it, she was still very young and head over heels in love with her dead fiancé.

Regina stands up from the chair and runs her hands through her hair desperately, shaking her head over and over again. Tears fill her eyes and she tries to stop them, she really does, but she's so emotional, so out of control that they run down her cheeks no matter how hard she tries.

This is too much.

She wants to disappear.

"Regina," Snow says but Regina can barely hear her voice over all the screaming in her head. "I'm sorry."

She's sorry.

Who is she trying to fool?

Regina sits down on the chair, puts her hands on the table and rests her head in them, covering her face. She tries so hard to calm down and remember what she'd written there. Deep inhale, count to ten, exhale, inhale, count, exhale…

When she calms down a bit and her heartbeat starts beating slower, she sighs and thinks. Her diary was letters for Daniel, her stable boy. She wrote them every single day in hopes that when he returns from the dead, he'll want to know what was happening with her and her life; also it was a way to deal with all the pain she was feeling inside.

Most of the time she wrote about beautiful and light things – their future family, their stables and a small house they'd have – about her dreams and life they were going to create together. Other times, she wrote about her stupid marriage, about the way her husband treated her, about her hatred for Snow White, about her lessons with Rumple and all that stuff.

When Whale announced that there was no way to bring him back, her letters became depressing because she didn't know the other way to be with him without killing herself. And it wasn't a huge problem to her, no, she didn't want to live without him anyway, and Underworld seemed liked a nice place back then.

Most of the times she wrote about her plans for suicide and how she'll meet him, soon. But the night when she had a glass of poison in her hand, Rumple showed up and crushed all her dreams. He was giggling at her, calling her foolish and then he'd told her that she won't be dying any time soon. Before she knew it, she was surrounded in a cloud of smoke and when it disappeared, the imp announced that from now on she cannot hurt herself, cannot kill herself.

She didn't believe him. So she tried to do so many times.

But if Snow says the truth, then it means that it's where the story ends. A few awful marriage stories and a suicide plan shouldn't effect Henry too much, should it?

Oh damn it.

It should've traumatized her son.

But what's done is done, and there's no way to change, no matter how much she would like to do it. She hopes, she really does, that she didn't write of the most horrible things (she doesn't remember what she was writing back then, it was a black period in her life) and that it didn't do any damage to Henry.

As long as he's okay, she'll find a way to cope with it.

"Regina, I'm so sorry," Mary Margaret says when Regina looks up at her.

"It's fine," Regina says, her voice quiet, as she wipes away tears from her cheeks and looks back down to the things in front of her. It's not okay, far from okay, but she needs to finish the potion and then disappear from here. Inhaling deeply, she looks at the knife and then at Snow White, "Can you do this?" she asks and the pregnant woman nods, takes Regina's hand in hers.

Regina barely feels the cut but although the wound is small, the blood is running out of it like a Niagara Falls. It doesn't bother Regina, she takes the cup and lets the blood drop there and then quickly she waves her other hand under the cup and that's it: the potion is finished.

"Here," she says as she bandages her hand and then pours the liquid out of the cup to the small glass bottle. "Carry it with you always and no one that shares my blood will be able to hurt your baby," she explains then and stands up on shaky legs, starts to collect her things.

Snow thanks her and surprises her by wrapping Regina in a tight hug but Regina tries to push the woman away as soon as possible because she's tired and emotional and it doesn't mean any good when it comes to the Evil Queen, so Regina quickly excuses herself, tells her that it's getting late and she's tired, asks Mary Margaret to tell Henry that she'll call him tomorrow and that she loves him.

When Snow nods her head, assuring Regina that she'll explain everything to Henry, Regina disappears in a cloud of purple smoke.

(…)

When she comes back to the house, she's exhausted. She doesn't have strength to take a shower or eat, she just waves her hand changing into pajamas and collapses onto the bed, thinking about the only thing – sleep.

But sleep doesn't come.

She lies in bed for what feels like forever, rolling from one side to the other. The action reminds her of her earlier life, nights she'd spent staring at the ceiling of the huge castle that had become her prison. The thoughts make her shiver.

She wishes _he_ would be here right now; she would move closer to him, rest her head over his steadily beating heart and let his warmth soothe her back to sleep. He would ask if she wants to talk about it, and she would whisper 'no', and he'd nod in understanding and tighten his hold around her, assuring her that it's okay, that she's okay.

But he's not here now.

Exhaling she rolls onto her side, closing her eyes for a moment. She's a strong woman, the one who never needs a man, she's ruled a kingdom once and did just fine on her own. And yet, now she needs _him_ to help her fall asleep. Pathetic.

When her eyes open, she finds her phone on the nightstand. Her heart beats faster and she's reaching for it with shaky hand before she can realize what she's doing. Those shaky fingers unlock the screen and there're three missed calls, all of them from Robin, and also a message, asking to call him as soon as possible because he's worried.

Guilt fills her heart as she stares at his message. He's worried about her, about the woman who doesn't deserve love, about the Evil Queen that could destroy the whole realm for her vengeance. She doesn't deserve him, doesn't deserve them.

She has to let him go.

And she will.

Just not tonight.

She will call him just once.

One last time.

And then she'll move on.

She will.

She hopes so.

Taking a deep breath, she dials his number and puts her phone to her ear, her heart already beating like crazy. Will he answer? Will he be mad? She listens to the ring tone, one time, two and three, it beeps and beeps but he doesn't pick up. Of course, he doesn't pick up because he's finally realized that she's not worth his time.

"Hello?" she hears his voice just before she can hung up, it's filled with sleep and some kind of annoyance and what's she hoped with a call at 3AM. If she weren't so heartbroken, she would probably laugh at his grumpiness and her own stupidity but she can't.

Instead she inhales shakily, trying to fight down the knot of tears, and whispers a quiet "Hi."

All of a sudden she feels so small, like a little girl who didn't listen to her strict mother or a teenager who was going to marry the King. She pulls the blanket tighter around herself as she waits for him to reply, to shout, to be angry, disappointed, anything, but just to speak. This silence is killing her.

"Regina?" he doesn't sound sleepy anymore, there's a sough at the other end and she thinks that he's sitting up. "Are you okay? I was so damn worried about you!" he says then, making a small smile form on Regina's lips.

"I'm fine, don't worry," she assures him, "I was working the whole day, that's why I didn't call." Oh, she's such a good liar. She wouldn't have called him if she wasn't so miserable. Selfish witch. "How are you? Is Roland back from his trip with John?" she asks, trying to direct her thoughts elsewhere.

"Yes. He was asking for you the whole day until I've told him that you went to see your other family for a few days," Robin explains and Regina presses her lips together to stop the sob that threatens to escape at the thought of little Roland. "He missed you so much, Regina, and so did I."

"And I, you," she whispers, clutching the blanket closer to her chest. "Please, tell Roland that I love him very much," Regina asks as her hand tightens around the phone. She's such an awful person, she's going to hurt two innocent human beings she loves very much.

Why does life like to torture her that much?

"I will."

"Well, then I won't bother you anymore and let you sleep," she rolls onto her back, a few tears running down her cheeks when Robin assures her that she's no bother but she doesn't know what else to say and her throat is too tight with tears, she doubts she could speak for a while longer. "Goodnight, Robin."

"I love you, Regina. Goodnight."

She doesn't return the sentiment, just presses her red button on the screen and lets the phone fall onto the bed as she lets herself break down.

Oh gods, why does she love him so much?

Her thoughts torture her until the Sun begins to rise. Just then Regina falls into a restless sleep filled with dreams of Robin and hatred in his eyes.

(...)

Thoughts?

A/N (2): On Thursday I start school again and it means that it will take me years to update! If you read this story from the beginning, you know how long it took me to write the first chapters, but I cannot change that! School takes all my time.. But if I don't update until Christmas, I promise you an update then! Hope you will stick up with me! Love you all! 3


	16. Chapter 16

SURPRISE! SURPRISE! SURPRISE!

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read, follow, favorite and review! It means so much to me!

This chapter is updated rather quickly because it was written before the school started, so if another chapter takes months, please, understand me and don't be mad! I'm trying to write as much as possible but it's very difficult to find time for that...

Also, I want to say that there are only three chapters left! Oh, and drama is coming...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

 **TRIGGER WARNING: A LITTLE BIT OF BLOOD!**

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

(...)

It's been two weeks, two long and lonely weeks since Regina has left her very good life, her husband and _their_ lovely child behind and traveled all the way here to the town she now abhors. It's been two weeks, two weeks only, but to her broken heart it felt like centuries of torture, and she would be definitely lying if she told that she wasn't thinking of _him_ most of the time.

When she's come here, she expected to be occupied with work (after all, she is still the mayor), she also expected witches' fight and all these other things she used to do back in the Enchanted Forest, she expected it all in hopes that it'll keep her busy, her mind busy, keep her away from thinking – over-thinking.

But the reality is completely different.

There are no new threats from Zelena which is a huge surprise to all of them (what is that witch waiting for?!), and the information her former enemies could offer turned out to be useless. There were no clues to what to do next and Regina had only one task – to figure it all out.

She tries to work on that, to find out as much as possible.

And yet all of her searching always ends up the same: with her sitting on the cold ground in her vault with her knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them tightly as she weeps, thinking about _him_.

It doesn't stop her from spending hours in her vault, though, going over books with Henry (when he's not with the Charmings, where, in their opinion, he's safer), trying to find any information about this witch who's threatening to destroy their already destroyed lives.

But one minute she's thinking about Zelena and all the possible plans, ways to ruin that witch, the other her mind's changed its direction completely and she's thinking about Robin again, about his dimples, his kisses, hugs, warmth and love.

It's making her sick, these feelings and memories.

She's not this love-sick person.

No.

She's the Evil Queen.

She doesn't fall in love.

But who's she trying to fool?

She's head over heels in love with this man from the other world.

She doesn't remember the last time she was feeling this much, it probably was back then, when she was still with Daniel, when she was young and _foolish,_ and had no idea what the true life is. And as funny as it sounds, it's making her anxious and angry, these feelings. She cannot sleep, cannot think about anything else except him.

Robin's feelings seem to be as strong as hers (but she knew that already, she saw it in his eyes when he kissed her one last time that night before falling asleep). And he calls her, calls her four times a day and always asks the same things, stupid things that make her roll her eyes but smile anyway because it's so him and she loves him for that so much.

Regina tries to talk with him as less as possible, though. She forced herself to stop calling him, but sometimes, when all this pain gets to be a little bit too much, she calls him first, asks him to tell about his day, about Roland, about anything, just talk to her. The other times it's Robin who's calling, and her heart is threatening to jump out of her chest every single time she sees his ID on her phone screen.

She's crazy, isn't she?

She's not some teenager who is head-over-heels in love with her first true love.

And yet she feels like butterflies are flying in her stomach every time she thinks about him.

It's wrong, very wrong. She knows she will lose him, she knows that it will break her, again, and she tries to avoid that, lessen the pain by cutting their conversations short, telling him that she's really busy and has to go when in reality she's sitting in her huge house all alone, staring at the empty wall in front of her.

She hopes that she'll keep her distance and it won't hurt that much.

Oh, she hopes.

But she also needs to focus on other things - her awful love is not the only important thing, thankfully – if she wants to save Snow White and Prince Charming's child.

Thinking about that, she does what she should've done all these years ago.

Regina rips out her own heart and locks it in her vault, casts an invisibility curse and all her problems are solved (well, not really, but it's better).

The feelings are still there within her, and they're strong, oh so very strong, but it's not as bad as it was before. It's not ripping her in two halves anymore, she can think more clearly, she can finally sleep, can finally do what she has to do for good.

She continues her research, works in the office, talks with Robin as less as possible and tries to spend as much time with Henry as she can. Her boy insists he wants to help her every single time with everything and she agrees, and the situation between them is getting better but there's still this invisible barrier between them, and there's also Emma who still doesn't trust her, and it's getting complicated most of the time.

It doesn't feel as good as it should.

And Regina hates herself for that.

Hates herself because even without her heart, she cannot forgive some things.

So it's been two weeks without Zelena, two long and lonely weeks filled with tears and hatred for herself, but when Regina wakes up one morning and walks down to the kitchen to make herself a cup of strong coffee, she finds a letter on her table and everything changes.

She doesn't need long to figure out who left that said letter – who else leaves letters on her table these days? – and a small smile tugs at the corner of Regina's lips as she takes it into her hands, opens and reads it.

'See you at the clock tower, tonight. Be ready, sis. – Zelena'

The stupid letter motivates Regina, she spends the whole day trying to remember all the spells and curses she's learnt all these years ago, she thinks about the fight, and hopes that perhaps she'll be able to defeat Zelena tonight and end the town's misery.

It would make Henry so proud of her, even the thought of it makes Regina feel warmth filling her veins.

But when she finally faces Zelena, the unexpected happens.

The Wicked Witch is far stronger than Regina'd expected, even the strongest and hardest curses that leave Regina gasping for air do very little to her enemy, and the only damage Regina's inflicted on Zelena is a slap that made the Wicked Witch furious.

Regina then realized that she'd lost this fight.

And damn it, she doesn't lose.

But this time, her enemy was stronger.

One minute she's standing on the ground in the middle of the town street, the other she's flying and hitting the car, and it hurts, she feels glass breaking her skin, but then she's flying again and it's the clock-tower now and she falls down on the ground, her head hitting ground for several times.

It burns, it hurts, and she can taste blood in her throat but she's survived worse, she's not afraid. She doesn't even flinch when the witch shoves her hand into Regina's chest, searching for an organ that's not there.

When Zelena finally disappears, Regina cannot find it in herself to stand up. She hasn't used this kind of magic for a really long time, it tired her out, and she's not used to these feelings, and Zelena's magic has beaten her up pretty badly, she obviously wasn't prepared for a fight like that, so she stays on the cold ground of the clock-tower, thinking about how pathetic she is.

She must have fallen unconscious because all of a sudden she feels someone's hands on her, pulling her up and she tries to fight it, but it's useless, she's powerless now and she thinks that yeah, her end has finally come. But then she sees David's face and he's talking to her, asking her if she's okay and all she can do is nod her head weakly.

He pulls her up from the cold ground and Regina has to press her lips really tightly to not to let a sound escape her. Every single part of her body hurts as he walks her to the apartment (it's closer than the mansion, he's said to her when she tried to argue), supporting her every step. He's offered to carry her but Regina has found strength to shake her head and it made her cough on blood as she told him that she's capable of walking on her own, that she doesn't want his shepherd's hands on her.

It all happens in a blur, Regina doesn't remember everything, just bits and pieces, she might've passed out a few times on their way here, she thinks, but when she's finally being sat on the Charmings' bed, she cannot help but let out a sigh of relief because her legs have been killing her, and she's not sure if she would be able to take a step more.

"What the hell?" she hears Mary Margaret's voice, and it sounds horrified, it makes Regina chuckle darkly – she's barely sitting on her own but chuckling at the fact that her innocent step-daughter is cursing. Good gods, she's going insane. "What happened to you?" Snow asks her husband more than Regina as she rushes to bed with a wet cloth in her hands.

"Zelena happened," Regina manages through gritted teeth when Mary Margaret touches her bleeding nose with a wet cloth – she hasn't even realized her nose's been bleeding. "I got a letter from her this morning, informing me about this stupid fight that had just happened."

"What? Why didn't you tell us?" Snow gasps in surprise but when Regina gives her an annoyed look, even in her state she finds Snow White annoying, the former enemy schools her emotions and puts another wet cloth over her nose in order to stop the blood and damn it, it hurts so much but Regina doesn't let out a sound.

She needs to regain her powers and then she'll fix it, fix herself and will be as good as new. She just needs to wait for a little while.

"I always fight my own battles, Snow, you know that," Regina states and the woman beside her can only nod with a small but very sad smile on her face.

"But you don't have to do it all alone anymore."

"I'm capable of dealing with my own problems," She replies bitterly, moving Snow's hands away from her but then the blood starts to drip on her already ruined clothes and she curses under her breath, then lifts her head a bit and adds, "And I can heal my own wounds, thank you very much."

This time it's Snow White who rolls her eyes and puts the cloth under Regina's nose but moves a few inches away from her personal space. Regina sighs more easily then and tries to breathe deeply through her mouth, hopes that it will help her, it will help her power return as soon as possible and she'll be able to leave this place and these idiots.

They sit there for what heels like forever not saying a single word and Regina can feel Snow's piercing gaze on her. It makes her roll her eyes but the action also makes her wince as the pain runs through her head. They sit in silence and sometimes Snow gets up to change the cloth soaked with blood but no one dares to disturb the silence that surrounds the room.

Until Regina's phone rings.

She's more than surprise to find that her phone's survived the fight and is still working.

Slowly she takes the ringing device out of her coat pocket – quick movements are a really bad decision at the moment, she's figured it out already – and looks at the screen, narrowing her eyes when everything is blur.

It's Robin. Her beloved Robin.

Damn it.

"I'll leave you alone," she hears Snow saying and the bed shifts as the pregnant woman stands up. Regina doesn't look up from the phone, cannot move her gaze away from the name on the screen and the princess leaves the room without saying another word.

Her hand tightens around the phone as she curses quietly, thinking that she's in no shape of talking right now. Her voice is shaking and her nose is bleeding and she's hurt and… she has to pick up because it's Robin.

Inhaling deeply, she clears her throat, coughs on blood again, and then finally picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, my love," Robin says from the other end of the line, and even though Regina cannot see him, she can tell that he's smiling. She tries to imagine his face, tries to find a reply that would be also cheerful but takes too long because all of a sudden Robin is asking, "Are you okay?" His voice's no longer cheerful, now it's full of anxiety.

Regina curses under her breath for not thinking quicker before she tries to assure him. "Yes, I'm fine," she says, pressing the cloth firmer to her bleeding nose. Damn it, will it ever stop bleeding? "How are you? How's Roland?" she asks then trying to sound as cheerful as she can manage in her state.

"We're both fine, but we miss you very much," he tells her earnestly and if Regina still had the heart in her chest, she would be crying by now because she's missed them too, more than she'd thought was possible. But she's not going to see them again, not after a week or a month, they're separated until the day they die. "Please, Regina,-" his pleading voice snaps her out of her thoughts, "-let me come to you. I promise to stay in the shadow, if you want me to, no one will even know that I'm there, just please, let me there with you."

"No," her reply is instant and followed with a shake of her head. It makes the headache worse, but she tries to focus on what she wants to say, she won't let that ache win. "Robin, I promise to tell you where I am as soon as everything is fixed here. But now I cannot risk your and Roland's well-being. It's for your safety," she offers in explanation and looks up, trying to stop the tears from leaving her eyes. She's just a good liar, damn it.

She knows she would never give him the real address of Storybrooke, she knows she will never let him come here and see her again and yet she's lying, breaking not only her heart, but his too.

They talk for a few moments longer, and his voice is soothing, her body is hurting less and less, but the blood has started dropping on the floor again, and she needs to stop it somehow, so she cuts off Robin's speech about Roland's kindergarten and tells that she really has to go.

Robin asks her to call him when she has time, and she tells him she will, though she already knows she won't do it.

When Regina puts her phone beside her on the bed, she lifts her hand and runs it over her nose, healing herself in the process. Healing herself has never been her strong side and she's still weak from the fight but it's not bleeding anymore. The pain is still there but it's not as bad as before, she can live with that.

She stays on the bed for a little bit longer, another round of magic use had made her sick again, but after a few moments she stands up, puts her phone back into her coat pocket and walks down the stairs on still shaky legs to find Emma, David, Mary Margaret and Henry sitting at the table, in the middle of a very heated conversation.

"Mom, are you okay?" Henry jumps up from the chair and rushes towards Regina, hugs her tightly.

She lets a gasp of surprise as she tries to not to fall down – she's still weak after all, winding her hands around her son. "I'm fine, baby," she assures him. She's not fine now but she'll be; she's a warrior, she always gets better.

When Henry pulls away, they walk to the table and sit down there. Emma eyes her for a moment, then turns again, sighs and asks, "What happened there?"

"Well, we – Zelena and I -had a fight, obviously. It turned out that I'm not strong enough to defeat the Witch," Regina replies bitterly. It's very hard to admit that she cannot defeat that Witch, she feels like letting Henry down but there's no point in lying – everyone would find out anyway. "She's stronger than me. So we need another plan."

The room drowns into silence after Regina's words. The news have shaken everyone pretty much, and Regina can see from the corner of her eyes as Henry looks down at his hands, swallowing heavily. She wants to comfort him, wants to tell him that they'll find a way, but will they?

"When we were back in the forest, I found something," Henry suddenly says, making everybody turn to look at him. "I didn't tell anyone because you weren't listening at the time, obviously, and I was so mad, I thought if I wanted to get back here, I had to keep my mouth shut. I-"

"Henry," Snow cuts him off, putting her hand on his in a comforting manner. "We would have come back here anyway."

"Right," he nods his head, though his voice doesn't sound certain. "So I read that only the pure magic can defeat the Wicked Witch," he states, looking straight into Regina's eyes, and there's something in his own eyes that makes Regina's stomach clench.

She doesn't have pure magic.

That's the problem.

She swallows hard as she looks away, feeling a knot of tears raising in her throat, her eyes watering but she tries to stay strong, to be the brave one. She cannot save them, but Emma can. And if the Savior would know the curses and spells she knows, they could definitely defeat the Witch.

They'll win this fight.

Even if it's not Regina who does all the work.

Clearing her throat, Regina announces, "There are a few spells and curses that could be powerful enough if Emma's magic is actually Zelena's weakness. I can teach you."

"No," Emma's reply is instant, it makes everyone look at her. Mary Margaret looks at her daughter with wide eyes, opens her mouth to say something but Emma frowns and turns at her mother, saying "no" one more time.

"No?"

"No." Emma replies firmly. "I'll not learn magic anymore," she states, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What?" Regina exclaims, standing up from the chair. It makes her head become dizzy all of a sudden, it reminds her she's been beaten pretty badly only an hour ago, but it doesn't stop her from saying all she thinks. "Are you kidding me? This witch is going to kill all of us and you are the one who can save us. Maybe it's time to think not only about yourself but about the others?"

"You will not teach me magic," Swan says, and then she's standing up from the chair as well, walking out of the kitchen to the room upstairs.

"She's such an idiot," Regina groans, rolling her eyes. She feels her blood boiling, feels like burning this whole house around them in a moment. But she doesn't do that, instead breathes deeply in and out until she feels calm enough. "Call me when you get some sense into your thick skull," Regina shouts to Emma, shaking her head, not being able to believe the stupidity of the situation.

Angrily she waves her hand in the air and disappears in a cloud of purple smoke. She cannot stand these idiots any more.

(…)

The next morning Regina's awaken by the doorbell. She groans, pulling the blanket over her head (something Roland used to do every single morning when he didn't want to get up), and hopes that this someone who decided to disturb her in the morning will go away and never come back.

Unfortunately it doesn't happen.

The sound of the doorbell is heard again and again and Regina groans again, at the same time pulling the covers away. Then, annoyed, she gets out of the bed, puts on a robe and walks to open the door praying that this someone better have a good reason for waking up the Evil Queen.

"Swan?" Regina says surprised when she opens the door and finds Emma standing at the doorway. After yesterday she was almost sure that she'll not see the Savior for a few days, if she's very lucky, a few days can turn into a few weeks.

But it turns out Regina was wrong.

Again.

Because the Savior is standing right in front of her, annoying as always.

"I agree," Emma states simply, crossing her arms over her chest. When Regina raises an eyebrow in confusion (she's still sleepy, after all), the Savior explains, "I agree to let you teach me this magic thing you think could defeat your sister."

"Oh," Regina lets out, surprised. She didn't expect that. Yes, the old Emma may have agreed to this plan but the stranger standing in front of her is not the Emma she used to know. Regina didn't think it was possible that this Swan agreed. And here she is, standing at her doorway, agreeing to work with the Evil Queen.

When Emma shifts a bit, uncomfortable by the silence from Regina, the Queen shakes her head to herself, forces herself to _wake up,_ to focus on important things. "Okay," she finally says, more to herself than to Emma, and waves her hand up in the air.

The cloud of purple smoke disappears and Regina appears dressed in her casual black clothes, standing in the middle of Storybrooke's forest. Emma seems to be stunned for a moment or two but then she frowns, crosses her arms over her chest again, this time in some kind of a protective manner and glares at Regina.

It turns out Savior doesn't like when someone uses their magic on her too.

"What are we doing here?" Emma asks then, not taking her eyes away from Regina.

"Well, you don't think I'm going to teach you magic in my house, do you?" Regina says, turning around on her heel away from Emma. She takes a deep breath, tries to remember how Rumple started teaching her magic (she's not going to use his methods, though, as evil as she is, she would never do that to someone, not anymore) while Emma sighs, murmurs an 'of course' and looks around as well.

Regina inhales deeply before they start their lessons which turn out to be a disaster. After a few moments of their work, Regina understands that Emma doesn't know the basics of magic use, she knows only some spells which are… actually useless.

It makes Regina wonder how the Savior was able to free Henry from Pan, deal with Zelena in the Enchanted Forest. It must have been a living hell for her to figure it all out on her own and protect the people she loved.

But Emma is a good student, it doesn't take long and she's able not only to magic a candle for herself but also to lit it up. The fireball is a completely different thing, Emma's magic is different than Regina's, it's harder to work something like that for her and Emma's aim is not that good.

One of the fireballs hits the tree, the other almost turns Regina into ashes.

"What the hell, Emma?" Regina exclaims, her eyes wide as she manages to disappear from the fire. Emma just shrugs in response and makes another fireball which Regina blows off. "I don't know if your aim is really bad or you just tried to burn me alive, but do you care to explain what turned you into this… person?"

Honestly, Regina doesn't know why she's asked it. It's obviously none of her business and she shouldn't be interested in Swan's life, but something has changed inside Regina, she doesn't feel as much hatred for this woman as she did before, and it makes her… care.

Oh gods.

Her life with Robin did really change her that much, didn't it?

"I don't understand what you're talking about," Emma replies bitterly, narrowing her eyes at Regina.

"Oh, you do," Regina shakes her head, not being able to believe any single word the Savior said. "Don't act like a child, Emma."

"Oh, so you want to give me some life advices?" Emma rolls her eyes. "Thank you very much, Miss Mills, I'm completely capable of living my life on my own," she says and sits down on the log, putting her head in her hands.

Regina wants to open her mouth and say something but then shuts it and stays quiet. She supposes Emma is right. Sighing, Regina thinks about transporting them (or just herself) back to the town – she doesn't think they'll do something else today - but then all of a sudden Emma starts speaking.

"How do you think I felt when you'd left the town?"Emma's voice is quiet, so quiet, Regina barely can understand what she's saying. "You left this awful place without a thought what would happen to it. You left us, and the next day your mother shows up, threatening to kill us all, including Henry, and then that Pan and the Forest. It was still hard to believe it for me, this magic thing, I was confused, and I had to learn not only to live with it, with magic, my parents and my son, but also protect the town and people… You'd never understand how I felt back then."

It hits Regina like a wrecking ball, these words, because they're true. In that dark moment she wasn't thinking about anyone else except herself, she was so hurt, she didn't think about what would happen after she leaves… She was so selfish back then… And nothing has changed.

She feels anger building up inside her, at herself, at Emma, at Robin, at everyone, and she needs to keep herself under control, needs to think about anything but this hatred for herself, this pain so murmurs a quiet, "I'm sorry." Before Emma can react to what she's said, Regina adds, "I think we should go now. Our lesson is over."

Emma nods her head and before she can say a single word, Regina waves her hand up in the air and they both disappear in a cloud of purple smoke.

They find themselves standing in front of Charmings' apartment, and Emma offers for Regina to come in, to see Henry because the boy's missed her so much. And Regina would never turn away the opportunity to see her boy.

But as soon as they enter the apartment they feel that something is off. Mary Margaret and David are sitting at the table, David's head in his hands while Snow's hands are wrapped around her stomach protectively as she cries quietly staring nowhere.

"Mary Margaret? David?" Emma rushes towards her parents while Regina takes a look around apartment. It looks destroyed. Everything is out of their places, it looks like something has been fighting here. "What's wrong? What happened?" Regina hears Emma asking while she walks further into the apartment.

"Henry," Snow whisper is followed by a long and loud sob. Regina frowns in confusion as Emma asks her mother what has happened again, holding her hands tightly. Snow seems to calm a little because she manages to whisper, "Henry… Zelena kidnapped him."

(...)

Thoughts?


	17. Chapter 17

Hello, guys! As always I wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who reads, follows, favorites and reviews! You have no idea what it means to me!

This chapter is a big one, everything is turning upside down... Actually I'm very nervous about posting it, but I hope you'll like it!

Only two chapters left!

Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT.

 **TRIGGER WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER'S DEATH!**

 **(...)**

Regina is shaking. Her whole body is shaking uncontrollably while Snow White's words repeat in her head over and over again. Henry is kidnapped. Zelena has her son. The Wicked Witch is going to kill her boy. That woman will do everything to hurt Regina, she doesn't doubt it, the greenie would even kill an innocent child if it means Regina will be miserable.

And oh, it will definitely turn Regina into a huge mess.

Damn it.

Hands turn into fists as Regina tries to stop herself from lashing out, from shouting on Snow White and burning Charming alive for letting that witch take her Henry away, for putting him in harm's way. She tries so hard to keep the evil side inside.

It's not their fault, she tells herself, inhaling deeply. If she, the Evil Queen, is powerless against that witch, what a naïve princess and her oh-so-very confident husband could do?

No, it's not their fault.

It's hers.

Everything is Regina's fault, as always. If she wasn't so selfish and didn't leave them all these years ago, right now they wouldn't be fighting this awful fight and Henry would be safe. Everything would be better for everyone.

For everyone expect her.

If she stayed, she would probably still be the Evil Queen, as dark as all these years ago in the Enchanted Forest, she would be still trying to kill Snow White. And Henry would never love her.

She did what she had to do in order to save herself. It's not a bad thing to sometimes think about your own well-being, right?

Taking a deep inhale through her mouth, Regina lets her eyes close and tries to calm herself down. She distracts herself from these horrible thoughts of killing Charmings by thinking about everything she's learnt from Rumple and all the other things she's learnt later on her own, she tries to think of everything, anything, that could defeat Zelena and save Henry.

But her head is empty.

She has no idea which spell or curse would be powerful enough for this witch who is obviously much stronger than Regina with her dark magic. She needs something else, something stronger which she doesn't have. She's one per cent sure that she won't be able to kill Zelena and save Henry all by herself.

But does she have a choice?

"Regina," a voice snaps her out of her thoughts and it's Emma, and when Regina forces herself to open her eyes, she finds the Savior standing right in front of her with a brave mask on her face. "We have to do something," Swan says, her voice shaking just a little bit, betraying her and the emotions she's feelings, but there's also rage in her voice, rage that Regina knows all too well, rage that will do no good.

"And what do you suggest?" Regina replies, letting out a humorless chuckle, forcing herself to stay as calm as possible. Emma cannot help. She has magic, but she doesn't know how to use it very well, and it may cause more damage than good, Regina's certain. "You don't even know how to make a fireball," she says, matter of fact, and turns on her heel away from her, runs her hands through her hair nervously and closes her eyes again.

Think, Regina, think.

"Then teach me!" Emma all but shouts, making Regina turn at her with wide eyes.

"We don't have enough time!" She shouts back, because doesn't Emma understand? They're running out of time, it may not take a minute and Henry will be dead and the Savior wants lessons!

Regina's breathing is harsh as she stares straight into Emma's eyes. And if looks could kill, both women would be dead by now because Emma is staring back at Regina and it looks like she's ready to kill. There is a moment of silence and it feels like everything has stopped around them as they stare into each other's eyes, both full of anger and fear at the same time.

Regina's the one to break eye contact, she shakes her head and sighs, closes her eyes again, forces herself to calm down and think. It's not easy to do with Emma standing in front of her and breathing harshly, quiet cries from Snow and Charming's comforting words in the background but she tries to shut them all out and concentrate on what's the most important thing right now – saving Henry.

She thinks and thinks and thinks, and runs her hands through her hair nervously but there's nothing in her head. She knows many curses, many spells that worked just fine on people without magic but now they're dealing with a witch who has her son.

Damn it.

Regina squeezes her eyes as she tries to stay calm but how is she supposed to do so when there's no way to save her son? She stops thinking for a moment because her emotions are getting out of control and she's shaking again. Inhale, count to ten, exhale, she tells herself, and does just that, ignoring everything around herself, even her traitorous brain.

All of a sudden an idea hits her. When she had just started learning magic, Rumple gave her a book of curses that'd never been done in the Enchanted Forest but other realms had used it plenty of times. And there was this one curse that seemed so easy and yet so powerful and it didn't required almost anything.

She has never done this before, she has never seen this done before but this crazy thing may be the only way to defeat Zelena and save Henry, and as scary as it is, Regina is ready to try it.

"I know what I have to do," she mutters under her breath, more for herself than to others, and waves her hand up in the air, disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke.

Regina appears in her vault, a little disoriented at first. Her eyes are full of tears the moment she makes sure that she's alone, and it's hard to see through it, but she cannot waste any minute, doesn't let herself take the so needed moment to break down – there's no time for that. Instead, she rushes straight towards the potions and shelves of books, looking through it, searching for a certain book with a certain curse.

But she has a lot of books, and some of them haven't even been opened for decades, and it's hard to find that one book she needs. She coughs from dust and sniffles and tears are running down her cheeks like a waterfall now but it doesn't stop her, nothing will stop her, not when her son is in danger.

She searches, searches and searches, stops for a moment to wipe away the tears and searches again. It has to be somewhere! She's sure that the curse brought everything she wanted and that book was definitely in the list. Damn it, it has to be here!

All of a sudden she's snapped out of her thoughts and searching by the ringing phone. It startles her at first, it's been way too quiet, and Regina groans loudly, angrily even, as she pulls the device out of her coat pocket and looks at the ID with an idea of turning this someone who's calling into a frog.

But she changes her mind as soon as she sees the ID.

It's Robin.

Her Robin.

Damn it.

She drops the book she's been holding, takes a deep breath through her nose, exhales through her mouth, trying to put herself under control, clears her throat and presses the green button on the screen. "Yes?" she says and curses herself immediately for picking up because her voice is shaking, breaking with every inhale and exhale and she knows that _he will know_ that she's been crying.

"Hello, love," Robin's sweet voice is heard from the other end of the line and it seems that he didn't understand just in what state she's right at the moment. Good. "Are you okay?" his usual question follows and Regina shakes her head without a word, relieved that he cannot see her, cannot see her puffy eyes and wet cheeks, and presses her lips together as tightly as possible in order to stop the sob that's threatening to escape.

She needs him right now, her husband, her Robin. She needs him more than anything. Needs him to hold her hand through all this hell, needs him to tell that he forgives her for everything, that he's not mad about what she's about to do in order to save Henry. She needs him to tell her that he understands, that it's okay.

She wants to hug him, hug him so tight for that one last time, wants to press her lips against his and whisper 'I love you' one last time, she wants him by her side when she's going to let out her last breath but he's not there. And it's good because she couldn't take risk that he gets hurt in the process, too.

In that moment, her heart breaks. The organ is not even in her chest, but Regina Mills, the former Evil Queen, can feel her heart being broken into million pieces when she understands what that means. It's the last time they're talking. It's the last time when she hears his warm and lovely voice.

She's not going to see him again.

Not now.

Not ever.

After today, she'll be only a memory. She'll be only a memory to him too.

It's the end of their relationship, it's the end of them.

Silent tears start rolling down her cheeks as she stares at the book in front of her which appeared out of nowhere and yes, that's the book, the one she was looking for! She's found it! There's no turning back now. Her plan is going to work. She's going to do this.

"Regina?"

She's going to save Henry.

And die in the process.

But Henry will be saved, that's all that matters.

"Regina?"

Oh, and Robin.

Her beloved Robin.

He'll be heart-broken when she won't call him anymore, when she won't answer his messages, when she simply disappears. He's a persistent man, he loves her (and she loves him, not that it matters anymore) and she's afraid that when she's gone, he may try to find Storybrooke, and that he may succeed, and when he can come to find her, to see her, and she just won't be there anymore.

He can get hurt by others if he does that. Regina cannot let him do that, she wants him safe and happy.

She wants him to move on.

"Regina?"

As much as she wants to tell him that she loves him very much, and that she misses him and that she needs him, she cannot. It wouldn't be fair for him. He'd want to come, he would want her to come back to him, and when she wouldn't do it, he'd torture himself till the end of his life, wondering what happened to her, why she left him, why she didn't even bother to say goodbye.

She doesn't have time or energy for long, tearful goodbyes either.

So she chooses to do what seems like the best option at the moment. It's better to hurt him, to make him hate her than to leave him without a word, without anything. It's a better way to end this like that, right?

"Regina, are you okay?" she hears Robin's voice from the other end of the line, and he sounds worried now. She opens her mouth to assure him that she's fine but closes her mouth before the words leave her mouth. She's decided what she has to say and she's not going to change her mind.

Taking a deep breath and tightening her hand around the phone, Regina starts, "I've been thinking about us lately, Robin. And I've finally come to a decision which will be better for both of us. I think we should break up," her eyes close on their own accord and there are tears in them immediately.

Robin inhales sharply but doesn't say anything, so Regina thinks she should continue.

"You see, I've been seeing someone all this time, someone from my past, and well, I realized that my feelings for you are not that strong you," she stops to take a deep breath, takes a moment to think what lie she's going to tell next. "All this time I was so lost, I didn't believe that I could do anything on my own, that I could survive but now when I know who I really am and what I'm capable of, I'm not this lost girl anymore, Robin," she has to stop again because she cannot speak over the knot of tears in her throat, because it's too much.

Why is it so hard?

Why does she loves him so much?

"Regina-"

"No, let me finish," she cuts Robin off before he can say anything. "Robin, I don't love you, I don't think I ever did. If you really love me, you'll let me go," as soon as the words leave her mouth her hand falls over her mouth to silent the sob that escapes her.

She's not going to survive this.

The good thing is that she's going to die soon.

There's silence at the other end of the line and for a moment Regina thinks that he's hung up but then he clears her throat and she realizes that he's considering her words, that he tries to understand what she's just said. She's just broken his heart (has broken her own as well), so he needs a little bit of time.

He clears his throat again and says, "You've never loved? Bullshit." His voice's raised an octave and she thinks that he's going to start shouting but he doesn't. Instead, he takes a deep breath and speaks in a much calmer tone, "I lived with you for years. You loved me, Regina, I know you did."

"How could I love you, Robin?" She asks, her voice shaking, betraying her. She hopes he doesn't feel that. "I didn't know what love is, I didn't know what life is. All I knew was that you saved me and then you helped me and I felt like I owe you something in return… So I watched after your child, I married you!" She needs to stop again to take a deep breath before she continues, "But that wasn't love. I'll be forever thankful for what you've done but please, forget about me and move on."

He's about to say something but Regina doesn't want to hear that, is afraid that his words will hurt her even more (it's probably not possible) and hangs up.

Her phone falls crashing down as she breaks down.

The tears are running down her cheeks and she's sobbing, and shaking, and her heart has been broken, again, this time by her own hands, but it doesn't stop her, nothing will stop her now, it seems, because she takes the book and walks shakily towards the other end of her vault almost falling down a time or two.

She blinks her eyes until tears don't block her vision anymore and then starts flipping through the pages of book, searching for this certain curse. She finds it rather quickly and starts reading what it needs. She has everything it takes apart from one thing from Zelena.

She waves her hand up in the air and the Wicked Witch's hairbrush appears in front of her and that's good. Regina takes her hair and puts it into a cup, then pours all the needed ingredients and then she finally takes the box where her heart is and opens it, takes the organ out. It's as black as always, and she smiles weakly through tears.

She's dreamt about this moment for years now – about her death - , has dreamt about how good it will feel to finally be free, she dreamt about meeting Daniel in this other land called Underworld where they'll finally be able to be together and now, when the day has come, she doesn't want to die anymore.

Isn't her life ironic?

Shaking her head to herself, Regina tightens her hold on the heart, takes the book in the other hand and starts reading the enchantment she needs. She whispers words and curses over her heart, then pours the potion over it and the tears are streaming down her face because she's so hurt, she's so broken again.

And she doesn't want to die, not now.

But she has to do it.

For Henry.

It's worth it.

It's always worth it.

When the tears stop running down her cheeks and her emotions are under control again, Regina finishes the enchantment and puts her heart back into her chest, gasping as the feelings runs through her body. For a moment she cannot do anything but stand there because the feelings are so strong, she's never felt this much before – there's anger, and hatred, and pain, and heart-break and so much more.

All of a sudden the door of her vault is being opened and she stops thinking all together, instead stretches her hands out in a defeating manner, ready for a magic use. But her arms fall back to her sides as soon as she sees Charming and Emma, both with swords in their hands, brave expressions on their faces.

Regina frowns a bit, for a moment thinks about her state – red and puffy eyes, wet cheeks – but then she realizes that it doesn't matter, not now. "What are you doing here?" she asks, waving her hand so the book and a cup of potion disappear.

"We won't let you fight this battle alone," Charming states, making Regina roll her eyes.

"I always fight my own battles," She says the usual phrase but this time it doesn't work because Emma is shaking her head.

"It's not your battle. It's ours."

Regina inhales, a sharp reply on her tongue. But then she catches herself before the words can leave her mouth, presses her lips together and looks at her former enemies. They could be useful. They could not only help but make sure that Henry's fine and returns home save after she's gone.

Yes, they will definitely be useful.

"Alright," she nods her head, "Let's go"

(…)

They find Zelena in the farmhouse. The Witch looks surprised at first but it turns out that she's just a good liar (like all Mills family) and was ready for a fight because as soon as Charming, Emma and Regina walk inside, the Wicked Witch has Rumple standing by her side and his dagger under Henry's throat.

Regina can feel her whole body shaking when Zelena's hand presses the dagger tighter against Henry's skin. She can see how he swallows hard but he's staring straight into her eyes with so much trust. He's not scared, her boy. He's as brave as ever because he know his moms are going to save him. And he's right.

The atmosphere is thick in the room, the only sounds that are heard are their harsh breathings (and they haven't even started fighting yet). But one moment they're standing in front of each other, the other Emma is running to Zelena with a sword and Charming is following, pulling Henry out of witch's embrace while Regina tries to take Rumple's dagger.

They fight and there's blood running from Emma's nose and David is being slammed against the wall by Rumple's magic and then it's Regina turn, and she suffers the most because Zelena throw a fireball at her which Regina doesn't have time to stop. It burns her hand and side and it hurts, and then there's a cut on her cheek and she doesn't know if it was from magic or from a hand but she has Rumple's dagger in her hand and that's all that matters.

They fight and fight and Zelena has Henry again, and now it's Zelena's hands around Henry's throat instead of a dagger and it's hard to breathe for the boy and maybe there's another way to save him now that they have Rumple's dagger but Regina doesn't want to risk and let the witch escape.

She has to do it.

"Henry, punch her," Regina shouts and her son does just that, punches Zelena in the stomach, and Regina feels it too, that pain of a sharp elbow being pushed into her ribs and that's good, the curse is working. She won't die for nothing.

Henry's gasp makes Regina lift her gaze and Zelena is going to kill her son soon because Henry's face is already red and Zelena's hands are too tight around his neck, so Regina doesn't waste another minute and turns to Rumple who's standing there and watching the show.

"Crush my heart," she whispers to him, holding his dagger right in front of him with a shaky hand. His mouth drops open in shock but he's walking towards her nonetheless because he doesn't have the power now, Regina has, and he can do nothing about it.

"What are you doing?" He asks her quietly.

"Asking you to crush my heart because you're the only one who can do it, remember?" She answers sarcastically and turns her head away from him towards the people who are still fighting. Her eyes catch Henry and Zelena is not choking him anymore and Regina smiles a bit, she'll succeed.

She has an urge to hug him but then Rumple's hand is shoved into her chest and she gasps because it hurts, he's not gentle, not at all, but then he's pulling the other out and the pain is gone.

"Regina, what are you doing?" She hears Emma shouting but she turns to Henry again, looks straight into his eyes for the last moments of her life. It feels like he knows what's about to do because his eyes widen but then Charming is holding him tightly and he can do nothing about it.

When the Dark One's hand tightens around the dark organ, everyone jaws drop and Zelena grins, because that's what she wanted: it was either Regina dead or a time traveling spell. And now the Witch is smirking, she's got what she wanted, but as soon as Rumple squeeze Regina's heart a bit tighter, Zelena feels it too, in her own chest, that her own heart is being squeezed.

They're sister, Regina and Zelena.

They share blood.

It was an easy spell. To connect their hearts.

If one dies, the other dies too, that's what the curse said.

"Crush it," Regina shouts to Rumple when Zelena realizes what's happening. She feels the pressure on her heart and quickly turns to Henry, whispering, "I love you, sweet-"

But she never finishes her sentence.

Because her heart is turned into ashes.

And she's no longer alive.

She's finally free.

(...)

Thougts?

 **Don't hate me, okay? I promise to fix everything! Outlaw Queen will be together** **in the end!**

Until the next time...


	18. Chapter 18

Hello, guys! Thank you to everyone who reads, follows, favorites and reviews! Over 100 favorites! 200+ followers! IS IT EVEN REAL?You guys are amazing, really! I love you all!

I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please, let me know if you do!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT.

(...)

Regina's thought about death way too many times. The first time she was barely five years old and it was the first time when Mother's magic has hurt her that bad, she actually thought she was going to die. That day she thought about death, and it seemed like a scary thing that made her shake and cry not from pain but fear.

She'd survived then, spent a few days in bed and was as good as new.

Since that day the thoughts of death have been haunting her, they would visit her at the most unexpected moments and leave her bound in fear. But when the love of her life, her stable boy Daniel had died, she spent every minute thinking of it.

It didn't scare her anymore, on the contrary, it gave her hope and faith that one day she'll be able to end her miserable life and finally be happy and free.

When Rumple cursed her, death didn't feel like a way out anymore, she knew she wouldn't be dying anytime soon. It turned out that death was still haunting her because even not being able to die by her own hands, Regina's faced death more times than she would like to admit by hands of those who meant something to her.

But death has never left like this.

It's always hurt, tore her apart but her body has been fighting, it still had a chance to survive and the pain didn't even feel real, she was disoriented at first and sometimes she hadn't even realized where she was until she opened her eyes and found herself saved by Rumple's magic.

But now… Now her body is no longer fighting, her heart is no longer beating, her soul is no longer trying to stay in the body. She's finally free, she's letting go of everything, she's no longer trying to live. And it hurts, she couldn't even imagine that it could be filled with so much physical pain, it feels like she's being ripped apart over and over again.

It hurts like hell, and if she'd be alive, she'd definitely pass out from the pain.

Despite all of this physical pain, she's calm. Her body is shaking violently, it feels like something is stabbing her in her chest, crushing her heart, punching her, damn it, she cannot even open her eyes from all this pain, but deep down her soul is calm.

She doesn't fear anything as long as her son is safe.

She did what she had to do. She saw Zelena, saw how her eyes widened when the Witch realized that her own heart was being crushed along with Regina's. She won against another villain in their life, she saved her son and that's all that matters.

A quiet gasps of surprise escapes Regina's mouth when all of a sudden she's pulled out of her thoughts and pain by a light touch, a hand on her shoulder. Her first reaction is to shake the touch away, she cannot even count how many people are here who wants to torture her, and she's certain it's one of them.

Quickly she turns around, opening her eyes immediately, her hand stretched out in front of her to form a fireball (not that her magic works here, it's a useless instinct) but then she sees him and her hand drops to her side.

It's Daddy!

She opens her mouth but nothing comes out as she stares at her father, the one and only she killed to create the Dark Curse. The memory has her looking down immediately in shame, and now she's shaking for a completely different reason.

"Regina," a calm voice of her father reaches her ears but she cannot lift her eyes, she can't face him after everything she's done to him.

"I'm sorry," she whispers quietly as tears of regret roll down her cheeks.

"It's okay," Daddy whispers as he pulls her into a tight hug, and she's shaking her head because it's not okay. How can it be okay? How can he want to see her when she was the one who didn't listen to him and killed him? How can-

His hands are on her shoulders, squeezing lightly and it makes her look up, makes her face him. "I forgive you, Regina," he says, his voice sincere, his eyes full of tears and it only makes her cry even more.

She's thought about this moment many times. She's dreamt about how she would apologize and he would turn and walk away, how mad he would be for what she's done to him and to herself but here he is, pulling her into a hug she doesn't deserve, telling her he forgives her as if she wasn't the one who ended his life.

It takes a while to calm down – and meeting her father is not the only reason she's sobbing, there's still this pain for being dead, as much as she tells herself that it doesn't matter, deep down it does. She takes a deep breath, whispers that she's sorry over and over again until Henry pulls away from her and tells her that she's forgiven one more time and that he's proud of the person she's become. Only then she pulls herself together, and manages a small smile as she says that she's missed him too in a shaky voice.

Only then Regina takes a look around, finds a familiar place, a Storybrooke with different colors, people and feelings. The hole that's been in her heart for all these years she lived in Storybrooke is back as she looks at her father in this different Storybrooke and thinks about what they could've had if she hadn't killed him.

"I'm sorry," she whispers again because she just cannot help it.

"I'm so proud of you, Regina," Henry says again, his hand resting on her shoulder. "You became a hero, you've finally found your happiness. Don't let it go." Regina feels tears filling her eyes at his words and then her father adds, "I love you, but you have to go," and all of a sudden he pushes her away from him and she's cold, so cold, she's shaking again and the pain is back and it hurts and she's dead and alone and….

Her eyes open.

(…)

Every part of Regina's body hurts, it feels like every bone of her body has been broken, feels like she's been beaten up pretty badly and as if it wasn't enough, her right hand is twisted in some very uncomfortable way and something is crushing her legs.

Awesome.

She tries to open her eyes, but the place is too bright and her eyes are closed again before she can even take a look around, making her groan quietly. She shifts a bit then getting into a bit more comfortable position – not that it helps a lot, everything still hurts – and tries to remember what's happened and where the hell she is.

In hell. She's in hell.

She's dead.

Her whole body tenses at the memory. The image of her son choking visits her mind and she remembers what's happened after that, she remembers Zelena's face when her heart's been crushed, she remembers shouts and screams from the distance.

And then she remembers Daddy. She talked with him, yes, she really did, it wasn't just her imagination. Was it?

Oh my!

If she's really in the Underworld, then someone must've caught her while she was still confused and weak because she doesn't remember how she left her father or how they parted ways, _why_ they parted ways, and now that someone keeps her here, wants to torture her, make her pay for everything she's done.

Regina can't stop the shaking of her body from the thoughts. Yes, she might be brave, fearless even, but this is Hell, she's powerless here, and there are too many people she killed who would like to make her suffer.

All of a sudden she feels a warm touch on her cheek and it makes her shake even more. She wants to scream, to shout, to do anything and get away from this touch but her voice is stuck in her throat, her limbs don't listen to her.

"Regina, calm down"

A voice is soft, and she knows it and it can't be truth!

Her eyes shot open and the light is not bothering her anymore as she desperately tries to see the person in front of her. Her vision is a blur for a moment but she blinks her eyes over and over again until she can finally see his face.

It's Robin.

It's really him.

But how's that possible?

She's shaking her head without realizing, her eyes full of tears. This can't be truth. She's dead. Robin is alive. He's from a different world.

Someone must be playing with her mind. After all, it wouldn't be the first time.

"You're safe," Robin tells her, and the touch is warm and soft, and so him, but she's still shaking her head, not being able to believe that it's really him. Only when his other hand cups her cheek and he forces her to look straight into his eyes she stops shaking. "You're okay."

Regina stares at him, not even blinking, listens to his soothing words. He's here, he's really here, his hands warm and strong as always but how can it be true? She's dead and he's not.

"Mom?" a sleepy voice reaches her ears and it's her son, her baby boy, and suddenly it doesn't matter if all of this is just an illusion, she's looking to the side and it's Henry, it's him!

"Henry," she manages to say, the words barely audible but she doesn't care because the boy is throwing himself into her embrace and her own arms are wrapped around him tightly as she holds him close, tears in her eyes.

It doesn't take long until those tears are rolling down her cheeks freely as she holds her son for dear life, thanking all the gods above for saving him.

"You wake up," she hears Henry whisper as his arms tighten around her, and she hopes, prays that it's not an illusion. "It's real."

She doesn't know what makes her cry this much, is it all this pain, is it the tension, or she's just being weak and pathetic, but she doesn't want to stop, she wants to cry and cry and cry because it makes her feel alive, it makes her _feel._

She doesn't know how long it takes her to open her eyes but when she does, she finds Robin sitting at the edge of the bed beside her, and it's Charming's apartment, she realizes, as she takes a moment to look around.

When her gaze returns to her husband, she finds him looking at her with a watery smile on his face and she feels her heart beating faster and stronger in her chest.

Her heart!

How is she here if her heart is crushed? What's beating in her chest? What's happening?

Henry feels her tense and he pulls away and looks at her with a frown on his face but Regina is too busy to notice that because her hand is falling over her chest and it's beating, something is really beating inside.

"We share a heart now," Robin answers the unasked question and Regina's jaw drops open as she stares at him, his words repeating in her head over and over again. They share a heart, but how? How is it possible? How-

She frowns, and there are so many questions that need to be answered as soon as possible because Regina thinks she may go crazy with all this confusion but then she hears a sniffle from the side and when she turns her head, she finds Henry looking down at his hands.

"Sweetheart, it's okay," she tells him, putting her hand on top of his but he only shakes his hand and refuses to look up.

Robin stands up then, leans over and places a loving kiss on Regina's forehead, whispering, "I'll be downstairs," and Regina nods her head, squeezes his hand in return. She's so grateful that he understands her this much, that he gives her time even when she's sure he has as many questions to her as she to him.

"Henry, look at me," she asks quietly when Robin's out of sight, puts her finger under Henry's chin to make him look at her.

Their eyes meet and Regina's heart breaks for him, because he's so sad and she's doesn't understand why. She asks him exactly that.

"I should have saved you!" he all but shouts and those tears he's being trying so hard to hold in start running down his face as he looks down again.

Regina is surprised by his words. It breaks her heart even more, shatters her into pieces and she has to control herself to not start to cry as well. But she has to be strong for him.

Swallowing hard, she puts her finger under his chin and lifts his face until he's looking at her again. There's so much pain in his eyes, hate even.

"It's okay, baby," she whispers, her own eyes full of tears too. "You're my hero, Henry, you will always be," she assures him and moves a little bit closer to him. "Besides, you don't need to split your heart for me, I'm sure one day you'll share it with someone else who's more worth it."

"No, mom! I just-"

"You wanted to safe me? And you did, Henry," she intervenes when Henry trails off, not being able to finish his sentence, "maybe not in the way you wanted to, but you did save me."

Henry looks at her skeptically and Regina explains, "You saved me from myself, Henry. Who I would be today if you weren't in my life? I love you, Henry, and you're my hero no matter what."

He still doesn't look all too happy about it, but Regina pulls him into her embrace, runs her hand up and down his back in a soothing manner just like she did when he was a little boy.

They stay into each other's arms for long minutes, and it feels like everything has fallen into places, like all the things that happened between them don't matter anymore and they're opening a new page, facing a new beginning.

Regina feels light, happy even, and she doesn't know if it's really how she feels, or is it Robin's heart inside her chest that makes her feel all those things.

All of a sudden Henry's stomach growls, snapping both of them out of their minds. Regina chuckles lightly and tells him in her stern mom voice, "You need to eat. Now! " but the smile on her face turns it more into a joke. Only then she realizes that those days when she was a strict mother are far behind her.

Henry smiles at her but nods his head nonetheless and then he's leaving her embrace, asking her if she wants him to bring her anything. Regina shakes her head and tells him that she'd like to lie down for a moment – she's feeling oddly weak but thinks that it's supposed to feel strange when you're brought from the dead – and Henry leaves her to do just that.

It doesn't take ten minutes until there are steps and she lifts herself up on her elbows with a frown on her face, waiting for Henry to show up so she can scold him for not eating but it isn't Henry that she sees on the stairs. It's Snow.

Regina collapses back on the bed with a hand over her face, not in a mood to hear hope speeches and complains about how she shouldn't have done it all by herself, how she shouldn't have killed herself, how she should've trusted them.

Mary Margaret surprises her. There are no complaints, no life lessons, nothing, only a quiet, "you scared us so much, Regina," that makes Regina's eyes widen in surprise.

She watches as Mary Margaret sits on the armchair beside the bed and only then she clears her throat and says, "I would do everything for Henry, you know that." Snow sighs and nods her head, but she doesn't say anything, and her stare and that silence makes Regina feel uncomfortable so she asks, "Why do I feel so weak?"

"You were dead for a few days , Regina," Snow White reveals, closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. "It took us a really long time to figure out how to enchant a heart from another realm and split it."

"You shouldn't have called him," she protests quietly, not that it really matters now. "I let him go, Snow. He's not supposed to be here, to see all of this, to deal with my problems, to deal with _me._ He's not supposed to spend the rest of his life with me."

"He is," Snow announces, making Regina lift her brow in surprise. "If you're alive with his heart in your chest, then you're supposed to be together. That's true love, Regina," the younger woman says and Regina can only shake her head with a small but sad smile on her face.

Daniel was her true love. She'll never be able to love someone as much as she loved Daniel.

But she loves Robin, loves him so much and what if Snow's right? What, if he managed to break down her walls and open her world of true love again. What, if he changed her destiny?

"Rest now, your Majesty," Snow White says in a teasing voice and it surprises Regina, how much things have changed between them over these few weeks she's spent with them. She rolls her eyes in return but Snow winks at her and walks out of the room, leaving her alone.

Regina lies on the bed, stares at the ceiling and thinks about everything what's happened. Robin did really saved her life, he shared his heart with her, so perhaps Snow White is right about them being true love. Maybe she really got another chance at love.

She lies in that uncomfortable bed and thinks, thinks and thinks about everything, about her life, about her past, present and future. She thinks about Henry and how much he's suffered since she left, she thinks about Robin and how much she's hurt him, she thinks about Roland – where is he, by the way – and how much she misses that adorable boy.

Sound of steps brings her back to reality, it makes her sit up, rest her back against the headboard as she waits for someone to appear. But she doesn't need to see to know who's coming, she knows from the sound of his steps. It's Robin.

And she's right: not two seconds later her husband – or ex-husband – appears from the stairs and walks closer to the bed with a small but tired smile on his face.

"Mary Margaret made Henry go to get some rest. The boy hasn't had a proper sleep since you made your show," Robin says as he hands her the cup of tea. "This is for you, it will help you to get your strength back," he explains sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Regina nods and takes a sip of the tea, immediately grimacing at the taste. Robin chuckles quietly at her and Regina rolls her eyes at him, wants to offer him this tea if he finds it funny but then he's leaning over until their lips are just inches away, the only thing separating them is the cup of that awful tea, and the words die in her throat.

Her breathing quickens as she stares into his eyes. She's missed him so much, all she wants to do is wrap her arms around him and never let go, to kiss him until they're out of breath but she forces herself to stay calm. She still doesn't know what's going to happen between them now; she still doesn't know if Robin forgave her for what she did to him, to them.

Robin touches her cheek, runs the pads of his fingers over it and Regina closes her eyes – gods, she's missed his touch – and then inhales sharply as he leans even closer, their lips almost brushing. But he doesn't kiss her, no. He tucks a single strand of hair behind her ear before tilting his head and planting a soft kiss on her temple.

But then he pulls away and Regina's eyes open widely when his warmth leaves her. He sits more comfortably on the bed and looks, stares at her as if she would disappear at any moment.

"Why did you agree to share your heart with me?" Regina clears her throat and asks, looking straight into his eyes.

Robin continues to stare at her, and for a moment she thinks that he didn't hear her but then he blinks and says, "Finish your tea, love," and looks down. Regina narrows her eyes at him but then hears him sigh, and the sound is full of pain. It makes her feel bad, it reminds her of what she did to him, what she did to _herself,_ how she broke their hearts.

Trying to distract herself from these thought, she does as he said and takes another sip of the tea, and then one more, and then again until the cup is empty and placed on the nightstand. Only then Robin lifts his head and looks at her again, his expression full of pain.

"I shared my heart with you because I love you, Regina Mills," he finally answers the question, and Regina's first instinct is to protest, to say that she's not worth it, she's not worth his heart, _him,_ but he knows her well enough to know what she's about to say so instead he puts his hand on hers, squeezing lightly, asking her permission to let him speak.

"When I came here you were laying on the cold ground of the vault with all these people I don't even know surrounding you," he tells quietly, his voice shaking with emotions. "I touched you and you were cold, lifeless. What else I could do, Regina? I would've done anything if it meant that you would be back. Even if you wouldn't be mine anymore."

"Robin, I didn't mean what I said-"

"I know," he assures her, and his hand tightens on her. "When Emma called me and said that I needed to come as soon as possible, I knew that something must've happened to you. And then I knew that you lied to me, Regina."

She feels ashamed, guilty for her actions but it's not a time for regrets so she forces herself to look at him. "You're not from here, Robin. Why would you even believe some sort of a twisted story that a stranger told you?" She asks, biting her lip as she prays to all the gods above that he wasn't forced to do this, that he did it because he wanted to not because he was threatened.

"I would've done everything to save you," he tells her, his hand tightening around hers. "I would have sold my soul to the Devil to save you!" his voice's gotten a little louder, a little stronger.

She sees hurt in his eyes and all she wants to do is wrap her arms around him and tell that she's sorry but they need to have this conversation, they need to make things clear right now.

"I know there are a lot of things that you want to talk about," he says as if he's been reading her thoughts, "but please, don't think about any of this tonight. Let's just be together, okay? We'll deal with everything tomorrow, just please, let us have this."

Regina's nodding her head before she even realizes it and then his arms are wrapped around her and finally, _finally_ he's pulling her into his arms and his lips are on hers and it's heaven. Her own arms wrap around him tightly as she kisses him back with everything she's got.

They don't pull away until both of them are panting for air. His forehead rests against hers as he whispers into the air between them ,"Promise me, you'll never do something like that again."

Regina puts her hand on his cheeks, strokes it, enjoying the way his stubble tickles her palm and shakes her head. "I can't, Robin," she tells him with a sad smile on her face and kisses him again.

"If your life is not precious to you, think about me," he asks her, his hand now playing with her hair. "I love you, Regina, and Roland loves you, and Henry , and your friends, or whoever they are, please, Regina, don't let us suffer like that again."

His forehead lands on hers again and she feels him shaking from emotions, his arms tightening around her and when she lifts her gaze she finds him almost crying as he stares into her eyes. Regina feels her own eyes welling up with tears as she nods her head and swallows hard.

"I'll try."

Robin's lips are on her before she can even blink and he's pouring all of his emotions into the kiss and she's responding in kind, her hands gripping his t-shirt as she thinks that she's going to pass out from all those feelings.

They kiss and kiss and kiss, hands getting bolder, eager and before they know it, their clothes are discarded, and it feels dirty, not right to do this in her step-daughter's bed but no one of them protests because all of a sudden they find piece they've been searching since Emma Swan showed up at their door and it's all that matters.

In that moment Regina Mills realizes that she's ready to open her soul to love again.

(...)

Thoughts?

Only one chapter's left!


	19. Chapter 19

**So, here's the end...**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own OUAT.**

(...)

Regina doesn't know what time it is or how many hours she has been awake but it definitely feels like forever. She's exhausted and all she wants to do is sleep and sleep and sleep but that so needed sleep just won't come.

And it annoys her.

A lot.

But her thought are loud again making her head hurt even more, making tears form in the corners of her eyes and that's how she knows that sleep won't come anytime soon.

So instead of closing her eyes and fighting with her traitorous brain, she stares at the man sleeping beside her on the bed that belongs to her step-daughter (it's awful what they've just done here, on this bed, but no one will find out about it, right?)

Robin is illuminated by the moonlight and she's never seen him more handsome than now – his face is peaceful, not a single wrinkle of worry present, he looks happy. And he was very happy before falling asleep because Regina was alive, and she hasn't pushed him away, and it somehow gave him a little string of hope, hope that everything will be okay between them.

So he has pulled her into his arms, whispered that he'll never let her go again, left a loving kiss on top of her head and fallen asleep thinking that she was already in the dreamland.

But Regina couldn't sleep, she'd closed her eyes and listened to his uttered words of love and happiness, even hope for the bright future they're going to have together and Regina had wanted to cry then, tell him that they'll not have a future but decided that he'd already suffered enough and deserved a good night sleep for at least one night.

And she wanted to be with him for at least one more time

Regina looks at Robin now, wishes she would be asleep as well, not over-thinking her messed up life and every decision she's made since very young age.

Oh well.

She stares and stares and stares at Robin and all of a sudden tears are rolling down her cheeks as she puts her hand over her mouth to keep quiet.

Gods! She doesn't know what to do.

She loves this man but it scares her how much he's sacrificed for her, split his heart in two, this strange but very important man from the different world. And she's afraid, so afraid of what he may do in order to save her again(because she knows there are plenty of fights awaiting her in the future no matter what kind of life she chooses, the past demons will always hunt her).

That's why she has to let him go.

Yes.

She has to wait until he wakes up, then tell him that she appreciates what he's done for her and that he has to forget about her. She'll take a deep breath, won't let herself cry when she'll tell him that he has to let her go and create a new life on his own without her because she's not the woman who can make him happy, not will all of her demons.

Even the thought of it makes Regina's heart ache. Because she loves him so much, she didn't think it was possible to feel something like that for a really long time, thought this kind of feelings were gone with Daniel but Robin, oh her dear Robin helped her open her heart to love again.

Now she's going to break his already broken heart.

Turn their souls into broken shards.

Why is it so hard?

Why does she love him so much?

There's a small part in her brain that tells her to just forget about everything and be with him, be happy for as long as destiny lets them but how can she be so selfish and put him in indescribable danger?

She cannot do that. She won't do that.

But how can she push him away? How can she simply tell him to leave when she has his heart beating in her chest? How-

"Breathe, love."

Regina jumps in bed, a hand falling on her chest as she turns to look at Robin with wide eyes. He's looking at her and when their eyes meet, he apologizes for startling her, and she dismisses it though she's still breathing hard.

Robin is looking at her with sleepy yet very calm eyes, a small frown of worry on his face, a completely contract to his eyes. He says her name and Regina looks at him again, lets out a shuddering breath. She then feels Robin's hand on her waist and when she doesn't push him away, he pulls her closer.

"Don't over-think it," he tells her in what is supposed to be a soothing voice, nuzzles his nose into her hair.

Regina can only scoff in answer.

Don't over-think it, as if it were that easy…

"It's okay, love," Robin says but no, it's not okay, doesn't he understand?! She's been awake all night, thinking about all of this!

Regina shakes her head, pulls away from Robin and looks him in the eyes. "It's not okay!" she whisper -shouts and all of a sudden she's very emotional.

Robin nods his head, stretches his hand to touch her as he tells her something about dealing with all of this together and it makes Regina angry even more.

"How can you say it's okay when you just split your heart in two for me?"

"Regina, I-"

"No, let me talk," she cuts him off sternly and sits up. "How am I supposed to trust you when you do things like that? You risked your life for me, Robin! You forgot about your child, about your life and did such a stupid thing to save _me!"_

Her breathing is labored and she's looking at him with angry eyes but no, that idiot is smiling back at her.

"Regina, love, of course I split my heart in two for you," he tells her calmly, sitting up as well. "And I would do it again and again if that meant you'd be saved."

"Maybe I didn't want to be saved?" she spats, standing up from the bed. "Why didn't you think about Roland, huh? He'd be an orphan if it didn't work. You'd leave your own child for me! Are you out of your mind?!"

She cannot help the tears that start running down her cheeks. She closes her eyes tightly and forces herself to breathe, to calm down, to get herself under control but these feelings are too strong, too raw. She's not going to survive this.

Robin sighs in the background and then there is a sound of bed shifting and all of a sudden he's touched her arm and she doesn't want him near, not now so she opens her eyes to push him away but finds him staring at her, his face so close, whispering stupid words of hope and Regina cannot take it anymore.

She doesn't even understand what she's done until the sharp sound of a slap echoes in the quiet apartment and her palm starts burning. Robin's hand is immediately over hers, and he's drawing it away, his hold secure.

"Calm down," he tells her calmly and she's burning with rage now because she won't calm down, she wants to shout, she wants to burn everything around herself and burn herself in it because she doesn't deserve this life, no.

"Is everything alright?" Emma's voice is heard from the kitchen and then she's running up the stairs, looks at Regina and Robin with wide confused eyes.

Regina groans, glares at Swan, then at Robin and waves her hand before disappearing in a cloud of purple.

When the smoke fades away, Regina finds herself standing in her own bedroom unsteady, shaking. She's tired and weak and all of a sudden she's sobbing and crying and she doesn't even know what's gotten into her, what provoked this kind of emotional breakdown.

It's just too much, everything. She just wants peace.

Regina falls down on the bed, buries her face into the pillows and lets herself cry until she's numb and is able to fall asleep.

(…)

Something is touching her, something like a feather, a light thing that touches her cheek, her forehead. She hums at the feeling, burrows herself further into the blankets. She wishes this moment will never end.

But then there's a kiss left on top of her head and all of a sudden she remember what's happening, how she left Robin and her eyes open widely as she almost jumps from the bed, away from the touch and someone who's beside her.

She opens her eyes but they close on their own accord because of the light, and she turns her face away from the window, blinks her eyes over and over again until they adjust to the brightness of the room. She turns around then and finds Robin, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You have a beautiful house," he says probably the most stupid thing one could come up with but the small smile on his face tells Regina that he's worried about her so she doesn't say anything about it.

Instead she asks, confusion written all over her face, "What are you doing here?" She was sure that Robin would leave her now, that he would finally understand her inner war and let her be.

"I came here to make sure that you're okay. Henry showed me the house but he had to go with Emma to make sure that the town is really safe."

"Oh."

Regina inhales deeply and looks at Robin's face, gasps when her eyes catch a red mark on his cheek – her doing, she realizes.

"I'm sorry about that slap, I didn't-"

"It's okay," he tells her and Regina forces herself to breathe, to stay calm. Robin must sense her inner battle with anger because he stands up from the bed and takes a cup from the nightstand, giving her a bit of space. "You must be thirsty," he says, taking the cup and Regina nods, takes it. "Mary Margaret made this tea, said it will help you to calm down a bit.

Regina frowns a bit, teas from Mary Margaret doesn't bring any pleasant memories but she's thirsty and feeling as if she's going to break into a ball of rage at any moment, so she takes a sip of it anyway, and when nothing bad happens, she starts drinking it in earnest.

When the tea is finished, Robin takes the cup from Regina, puts it on the nightstand and urges her to lie down for a bit. But Regina shakes her head stubbornly though she would love nothing more than to lie down.

They need to talk first.

Inhaling deeply, Regina starts, "Robin, I'm very thankful for what you've done for me. I appreciate it more than you can imagine but it doesn't change anything between us. I told you that night when I left you that I will give you a chance, that I will try, but it won't work , Robin."

"Regina," Robin shakes his head, sitting down on the bed. "I love you and I want to be with you forever. And I know that you love me too, don't try to deny it," he gives her a look and Regina can only roll her eyes in response. "I gave you half of my heart, and I would do it over and over again because you're very important to me. You and Roland are all I have."

Regina sighs, her gaze falling to her hands. Her words are useless, it seems, Robin doesn't listen to her. So she'll have to do something to show him that she's not the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

She waves her hand up in the air and Henry's storybook and her diary from that damned land appear on the bed between them. Robin's mouth opens in surprise, fascinated by the magic in front of his eyes and Regina can only grin but the grin is gone from her face before it fully forms.

"I want you to read this for me," she tells him pushing the book closer to him.

Her heart is beating like crazy in her chest as she takes her diary into her hands and puts it on top of the book. It's one thing to let him read the story told from author's position but it's another thing to let him read a diary, her diary written in her darkest days.

It's terrifying that she's opening herself this much to him but there's no other way to push him away, is there?

"Regina, a simple book won't change my feelings for you," Robin tells her, his words followed by the shake of his head.

"If you really want to stay with me, I need you to know everything, Robin. I don't want you to wake up one day and regret your life with me because you didn't know the whole truth about me," she squeezes his wrist in encouragement. "We'll talk when you finish your reading. If you still want to see me after that, of course."

"Reg-"

"The house is all yours." She tells him, standing up from the bed. "I will go to see Henry," and with that she's out of the room, heading to the bathroom as tears form into her eyes.

He's going to leave her now for sure.

(…)

Regina spends her whole day with Henry and Emma looking around the town to make sure that Zelena's monkeys are all but gone. It's been a busy day but she couldn't concentrate on her task, all she could think about was Robin left in her house with her diary and storybook.

She could've come home hours ago but thought it would be better to give Robin space, more time to read and think about everything, so she's come to Charmings' apartment to spend some more time with Henry.

But it's already 10 PM and her son is yawning every ten seconds so Regina gets up from the couch they've been sitting, wishes him a good night, takes her coat and walks out of their apartment. She doesn't go straight to the mansion, wanders around the town for half an hour, mentally preparing for Robin's sharp words (if he's still there).

He'll want to hurt her, of course. Who wouldn't, after reading her story?

But when Regina walks into the house she's not met with mean words or shouts, no. She finds Robin sitting in the armchair in the living room, the storybook and her diary placed on the coffee table. At least he's not shouting yet.

"I've been waiting for you," he tells her when she walks into the room, voice firm but not threatening.

Regina's heart starts beating faster but she doesn't let it show, instead holds her head high as she nods and walks further into the room, sits down on the couch in front of Robin and waits. Waits for him to tell her all the awful things he thinks about her.

But it doesn't happen.

Instead Robin tells her in a very calm voice, "I do not care about your past."

Regina opens her mouth to protest immediately because how can he not care about what she's done?

But Robin doesn't let her interrupt him, shushes her with a raised hand as a permission to speak. "Let me talk for now, okay?" When Regina nods, he continues, "I know that you did many horrible, unspeakable things but when I look at you, I don't see that woman described in the book. What I see is the woman I love, a little bit broken maybe and sad but very precious to me."

"Don't say you love me because I'm damaged," she tells him, shaking her head. She's not something that needs to be fixed, she doesn't want his pity.

Yes, she's brave enough to admit that some parts of her are broken and beyond repair, she knows she'll always carry this dark side within herself but she couldn't live knowing that Robin stayed with her just because she's the way she is.

"I'm a strong woman, Robin. I know how to deal with my life. If you're afraid I'll run for another suicide mission when you leave me, then I can assure you that I will not."

Robin chuckles at her and stands up, walks closer to her until he's right in front of her. He takes her hand in his and tugs at it until she stands up and looks at him with wide eyes. "I know that you're a strong woman, have never doubted that," he tells her and bumps his nose against her.

Regina frowns at him. She wasn't expecting that. Where is all the shouting? Why is he not mad? How can he understand her? How can he be so good to her?

"I love you, Regina Mills," he leans over and captures her lips in a soft kiss. "You may be not the same woman I met all these years ago but it doesn't change how I feel about you. You're a part of my life, my heart. Roland loves you so much, we both do. And I want you in my life, I want you with me in every step. Please, just let us be together. Give us a chance."

Regina doesn't know what to say. She wasn't expecting this kind of a reaction, the thought of acceptance has never crossed her mind. How could someone want to be with her, with the Evil Queen who killed people for fun?

But that someone is standing right in front of her now, his arms wrapped around her waist tightly as he stares into her brown eyes and Regina just doesn't know what to do. She wants to be with him, she really wants to but it's dangerous, her life is dangerous and she…

Damn it, she loves him.

She has to try.

If it doesn't work, she can leave, right?

"Okay," she finally whispers and then his lips are on hers and they're kissing like there's no tomorrow, like their life is depending on it. His arms pull her even closer and her own arms wrap around his neck as she loses herself in his kisses.

When they part, both of them are panting for air and grinning from ear to ear at each other.

"I want to stay with you as long as you don't try to kill me or burn me or lock me up in that castle of yours," Robin teases her and all Regina can do is roll her eyes and grin before wrapping her arms tighter around Robin's neck and kissing him again.

(…)

Regina Mills is an awful mother.

Henry's telling her a story about the year he spent in the Enchanted Forest, something about getting lost in the castle but she can't concentrate on a single word he says. All she can think about is how she's going to tell him that she's leaving.

There's no right way to explain a child why you're choosing a different life. There's no right way to explain your child why after a few days after being reunited with him, you're leaving again, is there?

Oh Gods.

It's going to be a hard conversation.

"You want to say something to me," All of a sudden Henry's voice snaps her out of her thoughts, makes her blink her eyes for a few times until she looks at Henry, her heart filling with pride because she has such a smart son. The boy stops walking immediately and looks at her with a frown on his face. "Mom, are you crying?"

Is she?

Regina hasn't realized she was but now she can feel hot tears falling down her cheeks. Quickly she wipes them away and Henry's frown deepens but Regina smiles in reassurance, tells that she's fine but the boy has none of it. He looks at her unconvinced, the ice-cream he's been eating melting in his hand, completely forgotten.

Regina sighs defeated.

"Why don't we sit down?" she points to the bench nearby and Henry nods his head.

They sit down on the wooden bench and for several minutes they don't say anything to one another, Henry staring at Regina while she tries to convince herself that she did the right choice. Henry has Emma, she reminds herself, and his grandparents, and it's not as if Regina is traveling to another land, she'll be there for him as well.

It'll be hard at first but things will get better, she assures herself. They'll be fine.

"Is everything alright?" Henry asks after moments of silence.

"Yes," Regina tells with a nod of her head but it doesn't sound very convincing to her own ears. There's no reason to delay telling the truth. That's it. She has to tell him. With a deep inhale she does just that, "I have to tell you something. Robin and I… We decided to stay together." Her son smiles at that and Regina thinks there's at least one good thing in all of this – Henry likes Robin. She manages a small smile and adds, "But we're not going to stay in Storybrooke."

Henry's face drops, his eyes widening and he opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out and he just stares at her, as if not believing his own ear. Regina presses her lips together, tells herself to calm down and let him understand the truth.

After a few moments Henry asks in a shaky voice, "You're leaving?"

"Theoretically, yes," Regina nods her head but rushes to assure, "but I'll always be here for you. Whether it's the middle of the night or a storm or I don't care what, if you ever need me, I'll drop whatever I'm doing and come here to be with you. You're the most important person to me, Henry."

Regina moves a little closer to Henry, takes his hand in hers and continues, "I will come to visit you as much as I can and you can come visit me whenever you want. And you'll be able to stay with me during holidays if Emma agrees," the last sentence makes her heart break. _If Emma agrees._ But it's true, once upon a time she may have been his mother but she lost the right to make decision about his life the day she crossed the town line. Everything has changed so much since that day. "Henry, it's not like I'm going back to the Forest. It'll be hard at first, but you'll see me a lot and we'll be able to talk on phone and other programs. It's going to be fine, we're going to make it work."

"Why don't you just stay here?" he asks, a frown on his face.

"In Storybrooke, my past will always haunt me. When I was out there, I felt free for the first time in my life. I didn't have to see Snow White on a daily basis, I didn't have to think about seeing Emma saving my town. I didn't have to live with people who hate me." She tells him and puts her finger under Henry's chin, lifts his face a bit so their eyes meet. "Here I'll always be the Evil Queen. There I am Regina. This is my second chance, Henry, and I have to take it."

Henry stares at her for a moment or two but then nods his head and his face looks so sad but serious at the same time. "I'm so proud of you, Mom," he tells her and his arms are wrapped around her instantly, pulling her impossibly close.

Regina can only smile through her tears as she hugs him back, feeling pride in her chest. She cannot imagine how hard it is for him but he's mature, her son, he understands her motives and no matter how hard it is for him, he's happy for her despite anything.

"I love you so much, my little prince," she tells him, smiling though the tears are now running down her cheeks and Henry murmurs that he loves her too and he's crying now, and Regina only tightens her arms around him, assures him that they're going to be fine, that it's going to be okay.

Regina hopes that one day Henry will understand why she chose her own happiness for once in her life.

 **THE END**

(...)

Thoughts?

Exactly one year ago, on 30th of December, I was very afraid to post my first multi-chapter Outlaw Queen fanfiction. But I found the courage and did it! And now I don't even know how to describe what I feel! All your reviews, favorites, follows and reads surprised me so much, I cannot believe that so many people enjoyed it! WOW! So I want to say a huge thank you to you all who follow, favorite, review and read! You guys made my year so much better! I'm sending you many kisees and hugs!

I hope you enjoyed reading this fanfiction as much as I enjoyed writing it!

 **Also, I'm going to post an epilogue sometime soon!**

And a quick question for you: would you like to read another Outlaw Queen fanfiction written by me? Please, let me know!

That's all from me.

I WISH YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR! LOVE YOU ALL! KISSES


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